You Might Be A Right Wing Bible Thumper, If...: Foxworthy's New Bible Quiz Show Promises Unintended Laughs

You Might Be A Right Wing Bible Thumper if...

You have to give Jeff Foxworthy credit: he doesn't mind deprecation, especially self-deprecation. The man who coined the phrase "You might be a redneck, if...." and hosted "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" is getting set for some more deprecatory comments, even from some of his own fans.

Even without knowing much about the exact format of the program, The American Bible Challenge, it doesn't take a fifth grader to sense that the show will produce some very embarrassing, unintended moments.

From Punchline Magazine:

Part of the show will be centered around the contestant’s home lives, as the network explained their personal stories will be shared with the audience. Contestants will form teams and will represent “worthy faith-based organizations,” to which all cash won will go, according to GSN. The show pilot is scheduled to shoot later this month.

Foxworthy has promised to "to present the Bible in a fun and entertaining way."

That was done by pop historian Kenneth C. Davis in his book "Don't Know Much About The Bible."* It didn't go over well with Fundamentalists.

KJV, NIV or PPP (Pure Pulpit Pimp)?

So which version of the Bible will Foxworthy use for his questions? If he doesn't use the King James Version, he's going to rile some people. Then again, saying all those "thees" "thous" "sayeths" and "begats" will make for more archaic-sounding buffoonery.

Foxworthy will also be walking a fine line in other areas: will interpretation have anything to do with the questions? Will the Bible be presented as absolute fact? Will he skirt socio-political issues such as homosexuality? Will he lean towards the David Barton history and mindset of EVERYTHING being set in the Bible? How Dominionist will he get? More pertinent: will the contestants be culled from our most visible Christian Right leaders? Can you imagine:

JF: "The Old Testament mentions the Witch of Endor. Where is Endor?"
Cindy Jacobs: "Was it shaped like a dragon?"
Pat Robertson: "I don't know, but I think it signed a pact with the devil."

JF: What was the sin of Sodom?
Bryan Fischer: Making the first homosexuals, therefore the first N*zis.
Tony Perkins: Homosexual activists forced Lot's daughters to become lesbians.

JF: How many wives did King Solomon Have?
Robert Jeffress: I don't know, but he was definitely not a member of the Mormon cult.

Michelle Duggars: A lot! He must have had a zillion kids!

JF: Did God want the Israelites to slay all the Amelekites?
Ann Coulter: He only wanted them to slay their leaders and convert them to Christianity.
Sean Hannity: He didn't want to slay them at all, only waterboard them.

Other guests might include Chuck Norris, David Barton, Stephen Baldwin, Victoria Jackson, Michele Bachmann, Tim Tebow, Linda Harvey, Kirk Cameron, Rick Perry, Bishop Eddie Long... and anyone Southern Baptist. The possibilities are endless.

Unfortunately, they might be much more interesting than the people Foxworthy considers sincere and knowledgeable, turning American Bible Challenge into one boring romp, a forum devoid of meaning...or entertainment.




*I highly recommend this book for the simple reason that it brings out all the discrepancies. Some of Davis' historical standpoints have been challenged, but the fact remains that Fundamentalists and Evangelicals hate him for calling them out. E.G.: there are TWO creations, the New Testament was not written by Matthew Mark, Luke and John and God couldn't seem to get his Son's birthday right.

Can We Stop Laughing Now? GOP Hypocrisy Campaign Hits New High With Herman Cain and His Campaign Manager Mark Block

The stupidity goes on ...and on...and on... and on...

"No individual, whether a private citizen, a candidate for public office or a public official, should be questioned about his or her private sexual life." - Herman Cain campaign spokeperson (who was presumably sober when he made the statement)

Thumbing your nose at the American public is extremely stupid if you're running for office, and the GOP presidential candidate lineup has been doing just that. 

The primary debates - if you can call them that - have brought out idiocies and ineptitudes to such a degree that the entire GOP looks to be populated with clowns. And not very good clowns either. Oh, they've made us laugh, but along with the laughter, they provoke resentment at being so oblivious to public sensibilities and intelligence. For example, did Rick Perry never think that someone would uncover his "n*ggerhead camp"?* Did Michele Bachmann never put two and two together when it came to one nellie husband running an unlicensed pray-away-the-gay clinic? True, these two candidates are fairly stupid to begin with, but to have their campaigns dole out the stupidity as if it were candy is an insult to Americans.


Then there's Herman Cain, who looks to be the dumbest of the dumb: a corporate Uncle Tom who has frequent lapses of memory and doesn't seem to know anything about countries east, west, north or south of Sandy Springs, Georgia. He's a would-be politician who relies on America's trust: a man who can turn around giant corporations can certainly help the country out of its economic woes, can't he?


The problem with the above idea: America is not a corporation to be trimmed and re-packaged: it's very diverse and has more goals than just making a profit.** It's team of workers has to multi-focus or whole segments of its population will suffer.


So now that fragile trust in Herman Cain has been overshadowed by his pride, his arrogance and ... his stupidity: as he saw opponents like Perry and Bachmann falter by not covering their lives up sufficiently, he should have taken stock of his own life and covered up the accusations of harassment or dealt with them head on. But now that Ginger White has come forth with allegations of a long term affair, dealing with it all has been rendered moot: it's all over but the spin from a campaign that was built on sheer hubris.


And the spin will continue to include inane comments like the one above. Bill Clinton, stop laughing now or you'll hurt yourself!


Mark Block, The Funniest Man In America


Herman Cain's campaign manager is Mark Block, a man whose ineptitude in managing Cain's campaign is matched only by his arrogance: he is the one person responsible for the awful "Libya interview" that Cain painfully plowed through, admitting lack of focus. He did not insist on a strategy session with the Milwaukee Sentinel outlining what topics could and could not be covered (which is normal in professional promotion and publicity), but instead threw Cain under the bus and, from all accounts, thought that the interview went well! He also went on to Sean Hannity's FOX news show claiming that the second harassment accuser, Karen Kraushaar, was in cahoots with POLITICO (not true).


For arguably the best laugh anyone can have over the disastrous Cain campaign, I've presented its most hilarious video below. It's talking points:


"Tomorrow, he's one day closer to the White House"- or an outhouse
"We will put "United" back in the United States of America" - united for what - pizza?
"We've run a campaign like no one's ever seen." - thank God for that!
"But then, America's never seen a candidate like Herman Cain."- let's hope not!


Block then finishes by blowing a puff of cigarette smoke into America's face. Has SNL done a sketch on this insipid wreck yet?


So can we stop laughing now? Have we been insulted with ineptitude and mindlessness enough to get back to Mitt Romney's flip-flopping or Newt Gingrich's sudden compassion for illegal immigrants? For the sake of the country's health, can we refrain from the pathological laughter brought on by the likes of Cain and Block? 


Because this campaign is no longer a fun-filled pizza...


...it's toast.

* So prevalent is the American philosophy that politicians always have something to hide - especially sexually, porn king Larry Flynt is willing to pay $1 million to the person who proves that Rick Perry has had an extramarital affair - gay or straight. We're waiting.


**Or at least it's supposed to have more goals.

Little General Michele Is Skipping Gleefully To The Gallows - And Her Mighty Militiamen May Just Give Her Enough Rope

The Men Who Are Crazy About Bachmann May Be Just As Crazy Themselves


(Author's note: Yes, this is the most linked article I've ever done bar none, on a subject that, by now, people have been bombarded with ad nauseum, but if you follow those links, I guarantee you'll find out some things about Michele Bachmann and her supporters in a different perspective - some of them are hilarious, some are outlandish, but all are extremely revealing)

BACHMANN GLEEFULLY HANGING HERSELF - WITH A LOT OF HELP

Everyone knows that California loves its crazies: San Francisco once honored a man who said he was the Emperor of The United States and Protector of Mexico.* Now Iowa has followed suit in having honored Michele Bachmann. There is, however, a big difference between California's penchant for lunatics and Iowa's: California's crazies have always been more benign.**



Michele Bachmann's delusions are toxic and she doesn't seem to know it ... or care. It's as if she lives in her own fantasy world of Bachmann reasoning, Bachmann morality, Bachmann patriotism. Facts and figures are fun playthings at her disposal and she has a wonderful time flinging them about. And while interviewers scratch their heads and say "Huh?", she skips along her merry way sing-songing "I'm right! I'm right! I'm right!" And she sidesteps gaffs with a "ho hum" attitude that is infuriating, like an obnoxious, waaay too perky little girl, a deranged Shirley Temple you'd most likely strangle if given the chance.


Of course, she might do the dirty deed for us - if the men in her campaign give her enough rope. And many of them look crazy enough to do just that.


For instance, Sean Hannity has proven to be the one pundit that Bachmann can count on to help pull her out of tight spots on her Good Ship Folly Pop: as a Fox minion, he dutifully slammed Obama while giving her a pass about the now-famous Gacy Gaffe. He even let her slide into one of her favorite Bachmannisms: "the point is..." Neither Chris Matthews nor Anderson Cooper would ever let her get away with such sidestepping.*** Continuing with the "liberal media assault" on Bachmann, Hannity leveled his sights on Alec Baldwin's tweet about Bachmann and brought in Ann Coulter(geist) to ride shotgun (see video). That might not have saved Hannity a room at the local asylum, but we are talking about a "journalist" who's first big attack on Obama was "Dijon-gate."

Tony Perkins (Family Research Council) has always returned the favor Mrs. Bachmann did for him by pointing out how she has been a champion for family values and the FRC. And, fortunately, Bachmann has never addressed the issue of the FRC being named a hate group for its anti-gay propaganda by the Southern Poverty Law Center. Such loyalty is to be admired.


Bryan Fischer (American Family Association) gave Bachmann the first boost to her campaign when he interviewed her last March, so it's no surprise that he ran to her defense amidst the "liberal" laughter created by the Gacy gaffe:

So liberals, by going out of their way to snarkily remind us of John Wayne Gacy, are inadvertently reminding us of the clear connection between homosexuality and pedophilia, which isn’t the smartest thing they’ve ever done.

Other people in Michele Militia of supporters are:

- Supreme homophobe and "minister" chastised for his prayer in the House of Representatives, Bradlee Dean

- Pseudo Historian and Glenn Beck protege David Barton

- Muckraker Andrew Breitbart

- Creationist Politicians and Alarmists Anthony and Julie Quist

- America's Most Wanted Bobby Thompson

- The convicted scam artist Frank Vetters (about which more should be revealed in several weeks)

- Former Bachmann campaign managed Bill Pulkrabek recently arrested for assault on his wife.

- None Dare Call It Treason author and John Bircher John A. Stormer

- Malpractice-embattled physician and Minnesota Republican Party heavyweight Robert Tatreau

Of course, Mrs. Bachmann is also the darling of gun-totin' men everywhere. And Pat Robertson thinks she's "articulate and reasonable."

But none in her stable of stalwarts can compare to Mr. Marcus Bachmann.


The Marcus Bachmann "Bondage And Discipline" Clinic             


Dr. Marcus Bachmann's life as a stalwart supporter has just started to unfold before the public: even with a voice characterized as being between Paul Lynde and Liberace, coupled with an immutable Christian Right ideology, his large countenance has never overshadowed his spouse. He has portrayed himself as her "strategist" along with their son, Lucas. His clinical practice, Bachmann and Associates

".... advertises “Christian counseling,” and as a “personal mission statement,” he writes, “I believe my call is to minister to the needs of people in a practical, effective, and sensitive way. Christ is the Almighty Counselor.” His focus in part reflects his training, which included a master’s degree at Regent University, the Virginia institution founded by Pat Robertson**** - The Daily Beast

Bachmann is critical of today's psychologists, saying that they focus too much on a patient's feelings rather than instructing them "on the right path." In essence, he looks upon his practice as more of a ministry.

While his clinic has been characterized as a "pray away the gay" venue for his patients, it may be more accurate to say that Bachmann looks upon "discipline" as a method of "reparative therapy."

Both Bachmanns have been outspoken opponents of same-sex marriage since 2000.

Will Anyone Put The Brakes On?


From her Scandal in Scandia (a bizarre account of her being accosted by potentially violent lesbians in a bathroom) to her comments of slitting wrists and becoming armed and dangerous, Bachmann has run the gamut of pointlessness from A to Z. Researching her comments, antics and convoluted reasoning is an unending task, but you can see the top 30 highlights HERE with links to all the appropriate media and actual quotations.

The question is whether or not her men will allow her to become knee-deep in gaffes, skewed reasoning, contradictions and sidestepping issues. Reining her in now would be the prudent thing to do, but then today's Republican/Tea Party is too drunk with power to do anything so reasonable. And Marcus Bachmann seems even more unreasonable than the rest.

* Emperor Norton.



In what can be categorized as the world's most famous canine funeral, Norton's beloved dog, Lazarus, was laid to rest in neighboring Colma, CA amidst a throng of 10,000 people in 1862. The people of San Francisco loved and respected Norton I that much.
** Jim Jones and Charles Manson excepted. The problem with political lunatics is that they sometimes cause more harm than cult leaders and murderers combined. 


*** Check out Anderson Cooper's latest foray in the subject of farm subsidies. He is, in fact, like a dog with a bone.


****Interestingly enough, Bachmann's Ph.D is from Union Institute and University whose doctoral program is so nebulous and bland that an address as "Dr." is questionable.

Poor Greta, Poor Sean, Poor Fox

77% of FOX viewers think 

Greta Van Sustern is very, very stupid

Greta,

You got that right, you have a mind like a seive. Your brain is empty.

Matter of fact, it is so empty, if you put a pea in your skull it would rattle around like a BB in a boxcar. You said it, gal, not me, but I sure do agree with you. A true blonde.

Brian ***

Tahlequah, OK
PS How do you get that cush job, anyway?

Greta Van Sustern took a poll to show off a viewer who thought that she was stupid. Unfortunately, The poll did not go, shall we say, in her favor. 

I can only reiterate what some people have stated on her blog: it was dumb to take the poll. The man's language did not show a great command of English, let alone any semblance of intellect. Even if the poll numbers had been reversed, it would still have shown that 23% didn't think she was too smart. She also allowed a simple-minded critic to rattle her to such an extent that she bothered to comment on it in her blog. 

This blog has seldom battled with comments and never with anyone purely negative. 

Poor Greta is now in a terrible quandary: should she say something about the poll? Will she be terribly silent, hoping that the FOX execs don't know about this? How will she proceed? She can't shoot back with any anger, but that would seem arrogant on her part. 

Will she be able to keep her job at FOX? Of course, she will. Few businesses sponsor Glen Beck and he's stayed on. FOX must be hemorrhaging money at this point, though: who would want to buy air time on Greta's program knowing that her viewers, such as they are, think she's an idiot?

I wonder if Sean Hannity were to take a poll...

Challenge To Birther, Obama Hater And Alleged "Reverend" James David Manning: Show Us YOUR Documents!

Or At Least Tell Us Why You Think Al Sharpton And T.D. Jakes Are Witch Doctors

I was going to include this with a piece on right wingnut stupidity, but the subject is too serious: it reeks of mindless hatred hiding behind Scripture.

It also smells suspiciously of fraud.

A minister who preaches the reclamation of property and heritage to African Americans, while hiding behind Scripture and possibly bogus credentials could be considered lower than the President he bloviates about.

On Oct. 26, “Rev.” James David Manning delivered a speech posted on You Tube that was one of the most flagrant “kill Obama” harangues to come out of a “pulpit” since Barack Obama came on the political scene. “If Obama lives, America dies” has now hit the Internet with gale force winds while the MSM ignores it as just another right wingnut screaming rude and unintelligible rants. His interview on FOX's Hannity and Colmes in March of last year was so riddled with faulty reasoning that even Sean Hannity dismissed him as simply someone who had no tact (nor decency) when it came to attacking the would-be candidate and his family. (Watch the video below)

Manning's bio on his website reads, in part, like a wikipedia article. Word for word. With some deletions and additions both minor and major. A mistake on the part of the website's webmaster, but a major blunder on the part of Manning since the article begs questions and the ATLAH website gives conflicting material in other places.

And the wikipedia article is none too flattering:

Manning also holds a Doctor of Philosophy degree from his own ATLAH Theological Seminary, an unaccredited educational institution.

The website deletes the words "his own". It should also have deleted "an unaccredited educational institution." In the eyes of most Americans, this means no institution at all. What if one of the "Seminary" graduates decides to apply for ministerial duties at another church: not a ghost of a chance - especially when you take a look at the courses.

So Manning gave himself his own Ph.D. and its probably worthless. Another faux pas: the ATLAH website states "Attended Oxford Round Table at St. Antony’s College in the University of Oxford ,16 August 2004" while the wikipedia article states "According to Manning, he attended the Oxford Round Table ..." Click on the link and you'll find the Oxford Round Table is NOT affiliated with the University of Oxford. It is a California-based company currently involved in litigation over misrepresentation. Additionally, it looks as if someone from ATLAH had a hand in the wikipedia article.

Manning's time in prison for armed robbery in two states (New York and Florida) also throws his bio off in several ways, but for some inexplicable reason, simple arithmetic elludes right wingnuts. If (as his own website parroting wikipedia says) he became a Christian while in prison "before his release in 1978" how could he have gotten his Master of Divinity at Union Theological Seminary while founding ATLAH in 1981? A Master of Divinity usually takes six years to complete.

BTW: Those six years include New Testament Greek, church history, canon law, Hebrew and Christian education - none of which "Rev." Manning seems to know anything about.

But the most egregious discrepency in the ATLAH website:

James David Manning is the energetic and visionary pastor of the ATLAH World Missionary Church located in ATLAH, New York. He has founded three schools and developed a national church ministry. He holds a PhD in philosophy, the author of The Oblation Hour book, a former Marketing Executive with Proctor and Gamble and the Ford Motor Company.

HUH?!

Apparently it's been a very difficult task for "Dr." Manning to keep his bios straight: his "official" bio on the website mentions nothing about being an executive for two Fortune 500 companies and neither does the wikipedia article! So, let's challenge the dear "Dr./Rev." for some documents just as he's been asking for the birth certificate of President Obama.

To "Rev." James David Manning:

Please provide the following documents:

• Certificate of Graduation from The New Rochelle College
• Award Certificate for Master of Divinity from Union Theological Seminary
• Letters from probation officers in the State of New York and the State of Florida stating dates of incarceration and the crimes for which both stays were meted out
• Proof of employment from Proctor and Gamble
• Proof of employment from Ford Motor Company
• Passport with dated stamp showing entry into the United Kingdom for the year 2004
  

You do NOT need to provide an award certificate for your alleged Ph.D. since we need to save paper. And even if you can't produce these documents, please clarify:

• Why you think that Al Sharpton is a witchdoctor.
• Why your studies courses are still available only on cassette (especially How To Become A Prophet)
• Why a course on "Aliens" is included in your ATLAH Theological Seminary courses. (And by "aliens" do you mean illegal immigrants or the beings with super-large brains as in Mars Attacks!?)
  

To the earnest and worthwhile residents of Harlem: if you haven't already, please start delving into the "credentials" of this man and other "men of God" in your community. Words from Scripture coupled with words of abject hatred could be a clue that the man you trust isn't preaching on your behalf.

Resumes aren't always truthful. Neither are bogus "ministers."

Just a thought.