Saturday, February 4, 2012

Gilligan Wasn't THAT Stupid: How The GOP's Castaways Have Never Looked Sillier

Santorum missed the boat. 

It was bound to happen: someone portraying today's GOP politicos as the cast of Gilligan's Island. They have, after all, been considered clowns, even by Dukes of Hazzard fans. And the parallels are so rich! Come on, you know you can't stop laughing!

The above photo-shopped portrait has hit the ether with a scream and people all over the net are doubling over, reaching for Kleenex, and gasping for breath. It almost makes you sorry for the REAL cast - they never got laughs THIS big!

One of the best ones is Palin as Maryann. Maryann was corn-fed and clueless... and she had "perky pills" for breakfast. If the characters had longer lives, Maryann's daughter would have wound up on Dancing With The Stars

Ron Paul as Lovey Howell isn't bad either. Paul may consider himself an outsider, but he's demured to people like Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich more than some people realize. And of all the characters, Lovey's was the most useless: Paul's stances have never swayed the other candidates and since everyone knows he won't win the GOP nomination, there's a fruitlessness about his campaign. He's making a statement, but so what?

Newt as the Skipper demonstrates the burly politics that win over people who bludgeon cats.

Romney's Thurston Howell is apropos because most of Howell's money came with him on the boat. Romney can never shake the image of a rich man who's never really known poverty.

Michele Bachmann's Ginger exudes a contrived beauty. (probably with help from her make-up man, Marcus Bachmann). She floated through her campaign as if in a Hollywood cloud, too enamored of herself to think that anyone would touch her negatively - or her husband. 

Huntsman is intelligent - and pretty to look at, but his character - the professor - was the weakest of all and barely got any laughs. He was too smart for his own good.

The best, of course, is Perry as Gilligan, the blundering goof who didn't know that when the Texas GOP applauded his execution rate, the rest of the world was appalled. "N*ggerhead" and his debate gaffs shot him to the top of  laugh meters. His campaign video "Strong" and his Brokeback Mountain jacket blunder have now become the stuff of  comedy legend. His campaign manager, Joe Allbaugh, let him roll without a laugh track: Perry didn't need one.

You're still laughing, aren't you? Come on! You ARE!

Against The Assault Of Laughter, Nothing Can Stand 

Yes, Mark Twain said it best: laughter can certainly be a wonderful weapon when it comes to any war against politicians and their hypocrisy, for who wants to be on the side of fools? And it's the best medicine for a country that's ill with Koch Brother shenanigans, shady banking maneuvers, 1% mentality, and Citizens United possibilities. 

Of course, since most comedy is actually built upon tragedy, the field of Christian-Right pandering politicians has its dark side. Perhaps that's why Santorum isn't in the picture: laughter could be swept away in an instant WTF? Ginrich's moral mea culpas are funny, Paul's past views are ridiculously inconsistent, Romney's strident attempts to appear common are whimsical, but Santorum's overt moralizing is truly scary. His latest statement to a woman about her son's healthcare* is horrific and strains comedy writers across the country to see anything funny in it. 

But we must keep laughing at the Right's list of leaders, if only to knock them down for their hilarious hubris. 
We must keep laughing because the only thing more nightmare-inducing than the crew and antics of the SS GOP:


*Santorum recently told a mother to stop whining about her son's million-dollar prescription medicine bill.