Gilligan Wasn't THAT Stupid: How The GOP's Castaways Have Never Looked Sillier

Santorum missed the boat. 


It was bound to happen: someone portraying today's GOP politicos as the cast of Gilligan's Island. They have, after all, been considered clowns, even by Dukes of Hazzard fans. And the parallels are so rich! Come on, you know you can't stop laughing!


The above photo-shopped portrait has hit the ether with a scream and people all over the net are doubling over, reaching for Kleenex, and gasping for breath. It almost makes you sorry for the REAL cast - they never got laughs THIS big!


One of the best ones is Palin as Maryann. Maryann was corn-fed and clueless... and she had "perky pills" for breakfast. If the characters had longer lives, Maryann's daughter would have wound up on Dancing With The Stars. 


Ron Paul as Lovey Howell isn't bad either. Paul may consider himself an outsider, but he's demured to people like Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich more than some people realize. And of all the characters, Lovey's was the most useless: Paul's stances have never swayed the other candidates and since everyone knows he won't win the GOP nomination, there's a fruitlessness about his campaign. He's making a statement, but so what?


Newt as the Skipper demonstrates the burly politics that win over people who bludgeon cats.


Romney's Thurston Howell is apropos because most of Howell's money came with him on the boat. Romney can never shake the image of a rich man who's never really known poverty.

Michele Bachmann's Ginger exudes a contrived beauty. (probably with help from her make-up man, Marcus Bachmann). She floated through her campaign as if in a Hollywood cloud, too enamored of herself to think that anyone would touch her negatively - or her husband. 


Huntsman is intelligent - and pretty to look at, but his character - the professor - was the weakest of all and barely got any laughs. He was too smart for his own good.


The best, of course, is Perry as Gilligan, the blundering goof who didn't know that when the Texas GOP applauded his execution rate, the rest of the world was appalled. "N*ggerhead" and his debate gaffs shot him to the top of  laugh meters. His campaign video "Strong" and his Brokeback Mountain jacket blunder have now become the stuff of  comedy legend. His campaign manager, Joe Allbaugh, let him roll without a laugh track: Perry didn't need one.


You're still laughing, aren't you? Come on! You ARE!


Against The Assault Of Laughter, Nothing Can Stand 


Yes, Mark Twain said it best: laughter can certainly be a wonderful weapon when it comes to any war against politicians and their hypocrisy, for who wants to be on the side of fools? And it's the best medicine for a country that's ill with Koch Brother shenanigans, shady banking maneuvers, 1% mentality, and Citizens United possibilities. 


Of course, since most comedy is actually built upon tragedy, the field of Christian-Right pandering politicians has its dark side. Perhaps that's why Santorum isn't in the picture: laughter could be swept away in an instant WTF? Ginrich's moral mea culpas are funny, Paul's past views are ridiculously inconsistent, Romney's strident attempts to appear common are whimsical, but Santorum's overt moralizing is truly scary. His latest statement to a woman about her son's healthcare* is horrific and strains comedy writers across the country to see anything funny in it. 


But we must keep laughing at the Right's list of leaders, if only to knock them down for their hilarious hubris. 
We must keep laughing because the only thing more nightmare-inducing than the crew and antics of the SS GOP:


RERUNS.


*Santorum recently told a mother to stop whining about her son's million-dollar prescription medicine bill.

The Political Half-Quit: Sarah Palin Couldn't Do Better Than GRACIE ALLEN

Attempts at publicity should always be followed through: too many people are watching.

 In the early spring of 1940, Gracie Allen was sitting calmly at home with her family in Beverly Hills. She thought for a moment and suddenly looked up. “You know, I’m tired of knitting this sweater, I think I‘ll run for president,” she said.

Sarah Palin could surely get out of jury duty, but it seems a convenient reason as to why her tour has been postponed: she can claim civic duty while regrouping and restructuring. And restructuring is obviously in order, because America has queried why she did her magical mystery bus tour in the first place: if it was purely for publicity, it was done so poorly and without any real planning, that public curiosity was the only thing fueling it. And the public quickly found out that the "tour" had no focus: was it to support candidates? Was it a prep to run in 2012? Was it to learn history? Was it to teach history? And what was the "We the People/Constitution" logo for?


Or was Palin just trading in on celebrity? 


The criticisms of the Barracuda being a diva and egocentric are magnified by the kind of "this sucks, I quit" situation AND THE ADDITIONAL CANCELLATION OF A VISIT TO SUDAN: she was supposed to attend an Independence day fest with pals Franklin Graham and Greta Van Sustern. Graham is still pushing on, perhaps because he is doggedly determined to keep a Christian Right stronghold in Africa, capitalizing on the Christian persecutions there. 


So even if Palin substituted "postphone" for "quit" in her tour lexicon, she's still looked upon as a person for whom "finishing the job" is not applicable.


GRACIE ALLEN DID IT BETTER


Looking back, Palin started being a political half-quit during the McCain-Palin candidacy when she separated from the campaign. She called it "Going Rogue" while the country could have called it "Going To Walk Out." It was the first sign that maturity wasn't part of Palin's makeup. It was also the first sign that she was going to use publicity - at whatever the cost, in whatever direction she chose fit. 


That sort of celebrity for celebrity's sake was used to great effect by people like Zsa Zsa Gabor who realized that she had a talent just for being ... famous. But Palin has barreled through fame with little talent, much less planning or thought or research. Much like her writing. 


But to give her her due, she has been entertaining. Now it's up to us to ask: was all that entertainment worth it? 


Another woman in history campaigned for President with the eye for publicity just as Palin has, but her sole purpose was publicity, everyone knew it, and everyone laughed with her: Gracie Allen.

Gracie's campaign for the Presidency was simply a publicity stunt for the Burns and Allen radio show so popular in the 30s and 40s. It was also simply brilliant: just out of the Depression, the country needed to take a look at politics with broad satire, benign lunacy, dizziness and twisted reasoning. Perhaps the best comparative statement to Palin's "quit-to-itive-ness" is this gem:

All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share. 

The strategies of Allen's campaign were comic gold: her party was the Surprise Party and when asked why, she explained that her mother was a Democrat, her father a Republican, and she had been born a Surprise. Her Party mascot was a Kangaroo because her slogan was "It's In the Bag!" One of her plans for government was to put Congress on a commission basis: whenever the country did well economically, Congress would get ten percent of the take (like a talent agent).* Another idea was to extend Civil Service to ALL branches of Government because "a little politeness goes a long way."**

Gracie also proved to have Presidential qualities:

HONESTY: As I look...at all these trusting and loving faces...tears come into my eyes...and if you must know why...it's because my girdle is killing me.

I stand before you tonight a simple, plain woman... which is not my fault, but the beautician can't take me till tomorrow.

STATESMANSHIP: Let's all put our shoulders to the wheel and push the Ship of State further into the mud. 

ON THE ECONOMY: (Today's Republicans would love her for this) This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

and... We should be proud of our national debt! After all, It's the biggest in the world! 

SAGE ADVICE TO POLITICIANS: Keep up your morning exercises, because every politician must be able to keep both feet on the fence with his ear to the ground.

MISOGYNISTIC BUT TRUE: Everybody knows a woman is better than a man when it comes to introducing bills into the house. 

Her 33-city whistlestop train tour (bus tours today are apparently more grueling) culminated in the Surprise Party's national convention in Omaha, NE. Thousands of "delegates" flocked to the convention where Gracie was unanimously nominated. There was no vice-presidential candidate on her ticket, however, because she said she would "tolerate no vice" in her administration. Later, at the request of Eleanor Roosevelt, she spoke at the Women's National Press Club in Washington. 

For all her campaign efforts, Gracie Allen - as a write-in candidate - garnered 43,000 votes against Roosevelt and Wendell Wilkie, bigger ratings for the Burns and Allen radio show and the endearing love of the entire country.  

Sarah Palin can't do better than that.

*Actually, not a bad idea.

** Republicanism not withstanding

All That Glitters Is Not Newt: The Republican Party Is Really Made Of Cheap Brass

Back in the days ...


The Republican Party used to be more, shall we say, patrician. Oh, it had people with lots of money, but it was old money, not the flashy kind you see nowadays. It was the money of the Teddy Roosevelts, not the Franklin Roosevelts,* and even though they were conservative to a fault, they spent their money (as well as other people's) in style: Teddy - national parks, Franklin - WPA. 


Sadly, all that style went away with Calvin Coolidge. Nixon? No style at all in Watergate. Ford? Stumbling has no style - in or out of Congress.  Reagan? Hollywood glitz while mixed up with Contras and stealing designer gowns.  Bush I? Can't recall much of anything. Bush II? As the youngsters say today, "Gimme a break!" 


Style. Class. Respect. Every patrician virtue seems to have eluded the Republicans for years. Unfortunately, it will continue to elude them with the present Presidential hopeful roster: 


New Gingrich - aka "serial adulterer" Mr. Gingrich announced his bid for the Presidency with the worst timing ever: owing upwards of $500,000 to Tiffany's at a time when the economy is the #1 American priority is gouache and terribly bourgeois. We realize that one young man tried to "sparkle up" Newt's image (see below) but we believe that it will take more than glitter to make him shine.


Michele Bachmann - aka "crazy eyes" and "slit our wrists" Mrs. Bachmann is more delusional than delightful: one does not make up numbers ($900 million a day for President's trip to Southeast Asia and India?),become a fear monger against the national census, nor extol the virtues of carbon dioxide.


Rick Santorum - aka "frothy mix" Mr. Santorum needs to be less obsessed with Google definitions and more concerned with his ethics: giving the warning signal to Senator John Ensign about his about-to-be-public affair was not in anyone's best interests.


Tim Pawlenty - Mr. Pawlenty was swept away from Catholicism by his wife and then turned into a devout RRR (Radical Religious Righter). He seems not to be "for" anything, but instead whines to the media (like Bryan Fischer of AFA) about what he is against (same-sex marriage, Social Security, Medicare). He continually sounds like a very poor sport.


Mitt Romney - Mr. Romney may look very patrician, have a great deal of money, and even a certain amount of pedigree,  but to put it bluntly, flip-flops are not allowed in the White House.


Mitch Daniels - Mr. Daniels seems to have all the reserve required for a good patrician Republican, however, his attachment to Eli Lilly leaves much to be desired. Although most of society is on Prozac, there is no need for a drug company to rule the country. 


Sarah Palin - aka "Rogue Something-or-other" and "Hockey mom" (her self-styled sobriquet). Mrs Palin has been in the spotlight so long without real substance that she is in danger of being "famous for being famous" The only person ever to pull that off was Zsa Zsa Gabor - with style and elegance (Queen of Outer Space notwithstanding). Her book, Going Rogue, was a paltry piece that impressed no one (least of all Katie Couric). Going Rouge** is much better. Tacky: putting an enemy's district in a crosshair for your PAC's website.


Ron Paul - aka "Dr. No" Mr. Paul has leaned so far to the Right that there is no Left left. This does not make for a good statesman. Governments are established for the benefit of the populace, but Mr. Paul's libertarianism doesn't seem to care. He quite foolishly declared that the President's raid on Osama Bin Laden was unnecessary. Bad form.


Herman Cain - his political positions are thinner than his pizza


There may be more to come, but we may not be able to stand the class deficiency. 




*Franklin's money was from the Delano side - originally made in China's Opium trade

**Going Rouge: A Candid Look inside the Mind of Political Conservative Sarah Palin, , a wonderfully insightful book - all its pages are empty.

Osama Bin Laden Is Dead. And So Is "Cowboy Diplomacy" (We Hope!)

Justice Is Served. 
Obama Is Lauded.
Statesmanship Is 
Re-established. 
And The Right is
...check-mated. 

A statesman does not gloat: in an hour when United States needed supreme statesmanship, Barack Obama made the announcement of Osama Bin Laden's with a slightly somber note. He did not smile. He simply noted that justice had been served and that we must be ever-vigilant in the war on terrorism. He also reinforced his image as a Nobel Peace Prize laureate in declaring:

We must also reaffirm that the United States is not –- and never will be -– at war with Islam. I’ve made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against Islam. Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader; he was a mass murderer of Muslims. Indeed, al Qaeda has slaughtered scores of Muslims in many countries, including our own. So his demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity.

He did not gloat. Instead, the gloating was done for him around the country, and while people are justified in being satisfied with the Al Qaeda leader's death as a point of closure to horrific events in our history, the current hysteria may look to the world exactly like the joy Islamic militants had demonstrated on 9/11. Obama's calm hopefully countered that image.

The cheers may also signal a blow to the Right, for those jubilant crowds at Ground Zero are the people the Republican Party counted on to destroy Barack Obama. After all, they are cheering Obama's "gutsy" but intelligent strategy. Not...George...Bush's. 

And it's very obvious that conservatives across the country are holding back tears of frustration. After all, Bush's "cowboy diplomacy" was an oxymoron: it was no diplomacy at all. His desire to wear a white stetson and go into the Middle East with guns blazing was loutish and engendered more fear of the U.S. than admiration. It was the result of an excuse to annihilate Saddam Hussein, an act of bravado that cost more U.S. lives than were lost on 9/11 and spiraled the economy down into debt. Bush was derided as a brute - history's greatest diplomatic dimwit.

Reactions by Republicans have tried to temper their commendations of Obama with references to Bush:

Eric Cantor: "I commend President Obama who has followed the vigilance of President Bush in bringing Bin Laden to justice." 

Tim Pawlenty: In the hours after the 9/11 attacks, President Bush promised that America would bring Osama bin Laden to justice -- and we did."

Donald Rumsfeld: "All of this was made possible by the relentless, sustained pressure on al Qaeda that the Bush administration initiated after 9/11 and that the Obama administration has wisely chosen to continue." 

And some didn't bother to commend the President at all: reactions eliminating any mention of Obama include Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Condoleezza Rice, Sen. Saxby Chambliss, Rep. Darrell Issa,  Sen. Marco Rubio to name a few.

Those Amazing Conspiracy Guys

Perhaps the most loyal adherents to cowboy diplomacy are the country's conspiracy theorists: Obama's comparatively restrained militarism helped them paint him as un-American. And on the outset, the publication of the long form birth certificate coupled with Bin Laden's demise should render the brand of un-American moot and pointless. Of course, conspiracy theorists are still having a field day because of the manner in which the body of Bin Laden was disposed of: dumping it in the ocean was not (to them) conclusive. No matter that the comprehensive coverage of the assault by CBS IN THE WAR ROOM leaves no doubt that Obama, Vice-President Biden, Secretary of State Clinton and other officials viewed the assault in real time. No matter that one woman in the compound made a positive identification of the body. No matter that photos were taken. No matter that positive DNA results were released. 

No matter.

We have Birthers (some refuse to believe the legitimacy of the long form) and now there will be (Bin Laden) "Deathers" as well. Ho hum. We can only hope that all these theorists whose raison d'etre is to "get" Obama at any cost may find their numbers dwindling, not because of the last two events, but because the pile up of conspiracy theories may increase to such a point that the industry itself may implode. Too many jokes founded on too many theories will eventually bore the public and adamant theorists will be looked upon for what they are: rubes who will grasp at anything to discredit him and make him look un-American. 

And when that happens, let's hope that they will take cowboy diplomacy along with them. It's too expensive. We can't afford it any more.

Trump And Huckabee: Two More Clowns Of God As Presidential Hopefuls

Can't we dismiss them BOTH "at our own peril."?!!

A recent poll has shown Donald Trump only slightly behind Mike Huckabee in approval for the Republican Nomination in 2012. That's right, "The Donald" has come on surprisingly strong. Huckabee's reaction?


On Laura Ingraham's show:


HUCKABEE: Well, I had a wonderful meeting with Donald Trump. I think he’s a very serious contender. He’s going to get in. I kind of went into the meeting thinking he’s not really going to run. Came out thinking, by gosh, he really is. [...]

INGRAHAM: Could there be a possible Huckabee/Trump ticket in the offing here?

HUCKABEE: Never say never. I don’t know. But, whether Donald Trump would ever want to be seen on the same stage with me, I don’t know. But I found him very engaging, and a very smart guy. And I think people will dismiss him at their own peril."


The Clowns of God

In 1981, Morris West (Shoes of the Fisherman) wrote a book titled The Clowns of God. And while it centered around the politics of the Roman Catholic curia during the height of the Cold War, its premise of religion and politics was prescient: never before have we had religion breathing harder down the necks of politicians (and voters) than now - the height of the Culture War. But while West's portrayal of cardinals as a bunch of madcap, wild clowns was meant to be broadly metaphorical, our current crop of  Republican/Tea Party Presidential hopefuls look more like circus clowns than the red-robed kind. 

The ticket of Trump/Huckabee or Huckabee/Trump (whichever one you believe) certainly makes that point. The very possibility of a campaign duo comprised of a former governor/minister and a real estate mogul/media personality conjures up all sorts of images, the least of which is having them lead the other hopefuls out of a bright yellow mini VW bug. Taking anything seriously from them would take an astounding  feat of composure, like trying not to laugh while being cruelly tickled to death. Looked at as a whole, they are more like "Killer Clowns From Outer Space."

Yes, it's unfortunate that we have to take any of them seriously, but the horror of today's religio-political scene is that we must . Why? Simply because other people WILL. And those people vote. The spectrum of clowns is much greater than it was in 2008, going from a former congressman who holds the record for the most charges of ethics violations (84) to a governor who has a hard time explaining his association with a white supremacist group. But as the video of Donald Trump's interview on Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network proves, they all have to have some semblance of religiosity in order to please the Christian Right with its hunger for all ideologies "Christian."

Let's take a look at the Presidential hopefuls in terms of background, policies and religiosity.*

Mike Huckabee:

Big Loser (in weight - 110lbs.) but slowly gaining it back. 

Former Governor of Arkansas (trying to undo what Clinton had done to the state). 

Wanted to quarantine people with AIDS at a time when casual contract as transmission had been medically debunked for years.

Southern Baptist minister from 1980  to  1996  whose sermons for ten of those years  have mysteriously disappeared ("accidentally shredded")

Idolater of Christian "historian" David Barton to the point of saying that everyone should listen to him at gunpoint.

News analyst for FOX News (a rather oxymoronic position)

Famous for having to "re-frame" positions or outright flip-flopping

Religiosity Index: 9

Donald Trump:

Real estate mogul 

Celebrity/personality synonymous with the term "You're Fired!"

Confirmed "Birther"

Condemns discrimination against gays but is definitely not for same-sex marriage

Considers himself a Christian and is Presbyterian, Catholic or something else depending upon the date of the biography.

Religiosity Index: 4

Sarah Palin:

Half-term governor of Alaska

Republican Nominee for Vice President

Darling of the "common man" and Tea Party

"Author"

Founder of the "Pink Elephant" Movement, helping Conservative women to get elected

Baptized Roman Catholic, became a Pentecostal and was prayed over by Thomas Muthee, leading African preacher/witch-hunter

Dropped Assemblies of God for Wasilla Bible Church because it had a "better children's ministries"

A contributor to FOX News

Religiosity Index: 5

Michele Bachmann:

U.S. Representative for the 6th Congressional District in the State of Minnesota

Supporter of the Tea Party

Famous for the quotes "armed and dangerous" and "slit our wrists" 

Profound believer in the existence of "death panels" in the health care reform bill

Supporter of Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage

Supporter of controversial rock band advocating death to homosexuals

Owner of a Christian Counseling Clinic

Mother of five children and foster parent to 23 children over the last several decades

Member of the Wisconsin Lutheran Synod

Religiosity Index: 9

Rick Santorum:

The only politician to have a sexual neologism coined after his last name (google "Santorum")**

Ardent opponent of gay rights, same-sex marriage, and obsessive about priests and pedophilia

Ardent proponent of Intelligent Design

Sponsor of proposed legislation preventing the National Weather Service from issuing warnings where commercial interests could issue alarms.
Firm believer that the Crusades weren't all that bad***

Head of a very Catholic family, and became a Knight of Magistral Grace of the The Knights of Malta

Religiosity Index: 9

Mitt Romney:

Former governor of Massachusetts

Mormon (so, as seen by many in the Christian Right, Romney belongs to a "cult")
Flip-flopper on a number of issues including stem cell research, abortion and some gay rights issues, veering to the Right during his tenure in office as governor.

Religiosity Index: 3

Newt Gingrich:

Record-holder of the most ethics charges against any Congressman (84) and the only Speaker of the House to be disciplined ethhics violations (at a cost to Gingrich of $300,000)

Convert to Catholicism from the Baptist denomination

Dinosaur enthusiast (does not touch the subject of evolution)

Serial adulterer who explained that his "love for his country" made him work too hard and as a result "things happened in my life that were not appropriate."

Supporter of tougher immigration laws and believes Islam has too many radical elements

Religiosity Index: 6

Haley Barbour:

Governor of Mississippi

Influential lobbyist for firms like R.J. Reynolds and Microsoft

Questionable attitudes on racism****

Most notable quote about eliminating the subject of slavery from Confederate History Month: "...it's trying to make a big deal out of something doesn't amount to diddly"

Supports the White Citizens Council (a white supremacist group)

Presbyterian

Religiosity Index: 4

Add more clowns to the rostrum and the Republican Presidential hopeful lineup may rival anything Ringling Bros. has ever produced. 

Seriously, progressives should be praying for more clowns to weaken the Right and its chances of gaining the Executive Branch of government. A recent poll by Polling for Public Policy indicates that 3 months into the "new" Congress people are already dropping away from Republicans at an alarming rate: things like budget cuts at national and state level and open contempt for unions have not endeared voters to the GOP:

Voters may not love Obama as once they did but they're finding him to be more reasonable than the alternative and that means it will be hard for the GOP to knock him off next year without a top notch nominee.

So, send in the Clowns of God. With the way things are going in the country, we need laughter to help us through all the self-righteousness and hypocrisy that last November has enabled. 

* Yes, I realize this is totally arbitrary on my part, but it's rather difficult to rate politicians on their supposed thoughts as opposed to their deeds. 

**Rick Santorum seems to be a magnate for anal sobriquets: after sharing the floor of the Senate with him for three weeks, Senator Bob Kerrey of Nebraska said: "Santorum — That's Latin for assh*le."
*** This prompted us to respond with a Christian Crime Line
**** In a recent poll, Mississippi Republicans were asked about interracial marriage. A majority thought that interracial marriage should still be illegal.

Romancing The Golem: The Blood Libel and Sarah Palin

Finally, one comment that may forever define a career of the most intense cluelessness:

"But, especially within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn. That is reprehensible," she said.

WTF?? I suppose she had to cover up her ridiculous "surveyor's symbols" explanation for using cross-hair gunsite graphics against people she wanted us to "take out."

COURAGE

It takes courage to admit that you're wrong about something. I think we all agree on that. We all think that guarded, half-apologies or distracting, sugar-coated sentiments are just as spineless. And defending spineless sentiments with totally inappropriate  terminology is obscenely insulting, unless, of course we take into account that the person perpetrating such an insult did so without having a clue as to what the term meant in the first place. 

"Blood Libel" certainly sounds like something a Palin would imagine on the spur-of-the-moment. It sounds serious ... credible ... intense. Indeed the term is each of those things and more: because it involved a myth full of such enormous hatred that people would rarely say it out loud, let alone ascribe it to anyone today. The "Blood Libel" was the myth of Jews killing gentile children for blood rituals in the Cabala [sp]. It was a myth that kept hatred at its height for hundreds of years. It was one of the reasons for Jewish ghettos. It kept superstition and stupidity alive. It was fulminated by noble and peasant and clergy. Queen Isabella believed it. Martin Luther believed it. And it gave rise to other myths and legends, most notably, the legend of the Golem. 

The Golem. The term is Hebrew for something not yet formed. It was the name for the clump of earth God used to make Adam. So the story goes that Rabbi Loewe of Prague (btw: a real rabbi who lived in the 16th century) formed a man out of mud with prayers from the Caballa and engraved four letters on his forehead: emet - truth. He told the enormous hulk that he would be used to guard the gates of the city's Josefov (Jewish Quarter - at that time, Jews were locked up at night in a section of the city). He was to be a guardian and protector - nothing more. During the day, the hulk of mud delighted in all the things of the earth. He saw such beauty in the simplest of things and he seemed to love life with a delicate passion. 

Then came the fateful night when rumors of the Blood Libel erupted as if from nowhere: was a child killed? Who did it? Must have been Jews! Thousands of Prague's more "noble" citizens marched in anger to the gates of the Josefov and threatened to annihilate everyone whithin its walls. The Golem rose up, up, up even bigger than he was before, frightening the crowd. Then he took the enormous crossbeam of the gates and smashed people left and right, killing many. The people flew in terror. Rabbi Loewe was horrified beyond belief.

The next day, the king of Bohemia summoned Rabbi Loewe and asked him to explain the meaning of the enormous creature. When Rabbi Loewe explained that it was created to protect the Jews from a bloodlust such as had happened the night before, the king told him "I understand. From now on, your people will have my protection. I swear nothing, no one will harm them. But you must destroy the Golem you have created." So Rabbi Loewe told a horrified Golem that he was to go back to being mud and that he was no longer needed. The Golem pleaded with the rabbi not to take his life away, but the rabbi erased one letter from the Golem's forehead: emet became met - death. And so the man turned back into a simple pile of mud. 

As all good legends have, this one has an addendum: that pile of mud is hidden somewhere in the recesses of Prague - perhaps in one of the thousands of old attics that exist. It is covered with pages from the Cabala. The Golem will rise when he is needed again.

Back To Cluelessness

Myths have depths of meaning that can go beyond mere experience: they can touch a person's heart and an entire nation's soul. But if the Divine Sarah (sorry, Ms. Bernhardt) had any inkling of what she had referred to when she said "Blood Libel" I somehow doubt she would have refrained from using it simply because of her total indifference to any meaning other than her own. 

Ironic, isn't it, that a person who so depends upon myths and character assassination ("death panels," "pals around with terrorists") should come up with such an extraordinarily heinous myth to defend herself. And with such extraordinary shallowness and flippancy! Yes, such fools are indeed dangerous, not only to the Gabrielle Giffords of the world, but to the rest of us. 

Sorry to cut this off, but I have to catch a plane - to Prague.

God Never Apologizes. ... But Don't You Think It's About Time He Did?

Keith Olbermann gave an insightful special commentary concerning the Rotten Rhetoric that has engulfed politics. I think everyone should view it: he raises some good points and he even apologizes to viewers for using the same kind of militaristic, gun-related rhetoric. Furthermore, it should be pointed out that Olbermann included both Left and Right in his speech and transcended the image of crosshaired gun sights by condemning all violent political rhetoric. It seemed quite inclusive. However, it did not include a vital component of today's American society.

It did not include God.

No, I'm not going all batsh*t-crazy, at least not in a theological sense: with a God who has been the instigator of all things good and bad, apologies are not on the table. Explanations aren't even considered. "He works in mysterious ways" has been the ubiquitous reason why bad things happen to good people. It's lame, but God gets away with doing things simply because He's ...God.

And He's done some pretty horrendous things: drowned innocent animals in the Great Flood, commanded genocide (slaying of the Moabites), condoned slavery, toyed sadistically with Jonah on a bet with Satan, and created the Texas Board of Education. But perhaps the worst thing God has ever done to humanity is to create hypocritical and corrupt apostles, prophets and preachers who will never apologize either: as "representative" "anointed"  even "beloved" shepherds of God, they and their chosen feel they are exempt from guilt, hence, without consciences and are to able to do most anything as long as they rationalize it as "God's will." 

The sins that have been committed against humanity and in the name of God are, like Satan's followers, Legion. History looks a lot like the infinite expanse of dead and dying soldiers in Gone With The Wind: religious strife litters humanity's past and "Peace On Earth, Good Will Towards Men" seems like a bad joke. And it will stay that way as long as there are "men of God" campaigning for the sake of righteousness.

BEYOND WESTBORO

The instance of Jared Lee Laughner's horrendous assassination attempt of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords has prompted the MSM to analyze just how much politicians and pundits exacerbate violence with their speech and actions. Notice, however, that not one commentator mentioned anyone within the Religious Right communities: Giffords has weighed in as a pro-choice, pro-ENDA and pro-Health Care Reform. There are over 500 churches in the Tucson metropolitan area, with Baptist (approx. 80), Mormon (90+) and Catholic (100+) churches. What are the chances that none of them campaigned vitriolically against Giffords? Have any of those churches apologized?

Hardly. Not a peep out of any of them. Religious demonizers, like God, never apologize.

And how many of those churches supported Giffords opponent Jesse Kelly who, BTW, sponsored a campaign fundraiser* wherein people could shoot an M-16 for sport? Those churches and the rest of the Religious Right, if called on the carpet, will probably refocus the debate by pointing to entities like Westboro Baptist Church (who have announced that they will picket the funerals of those killed in the shooting). They will use stark contrast to deflect criticism or they will simply take an how-DARE-you stance, like when Tony Perkins ludicrously told the nation that the Religious Right had absolutely no culpability in the suicides of gay teens:

There is an abundance of evidence that homosexuals experience higher rates of mental health problems in general, including depression. However, there is no empirical evidence to link this with society's general disapproval of homosexual conduct.

Perhaps the most insipid lack of remorse for extremely violent message content lies in everything done by a group named Repent Amarillo. I've written about it before, but its last publicity-grabbing escapade deserves to be reiterated: the execution of Santa Claus. "Santa" was really a pinata (to placate critics, of course), but the guns and ammo used were real...in front of a group of children ...who will  probably develop psychoses larger than that of Jared Lee Laughner. No one rushed forward to accuse them of emotional child abuse because they were, of course, acting in the "name of the Lord." 

Rampages like Laughner's help develop a serious time of reflection as to their causes. Violent rhetoric, militaristic terms, virulent attack modes can come from pulpits as well as politicians. We live amidst a slew of God's self-appointed emissaries who have never apologized for their organized religion's crimes and never expect to apologize for their Rotten Rhetoric now or in the future. They may indulge themselves in vicious platitudes of the worst kind while thinking themselves totally unaccountable.

After all, righteous arrogance has its privileges. Just ask God.

 

 * Flier blurb: "Get on Target for Victory in November Help remove Gabrielle Giffords from office Shoot a fully automatic M16 with Jesse Kelly."

Rotten Rhetoric Strikes Again: What We Can Learn From The Giffords Shooting

"They've got to realize there are consequences to that," she said. "The rhetoric is incredibly heated."

 - Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' remarks about Palin's mailer after vandals attacked her office in March.

Rotten Rhetoric: it's protected by free speech, it's guilt free, and can bring out the creative evil in anyone. It can also kill people through righteous assassination. And so many people have used it in history: Pope Urban II used it to spur on the Crusades; Hitler used it for political purposes; Father Charles Caughlin used it in this broadcasts. And today: Ahmadinejad uses it; Osama Bin Laden uses it; Glenn Beck uses it; Bill O'Reilly uses it. Repent Amarillo uses it. Lou Engle uses it.

And now we know that Sarah Palin uses it.

Ok, EVERYBODY uses it. So why is America just waking up to its very real consequences? Are we just now looking at the deleterious effects of popularity and position? Or have we become so totally bombarded with the bloviations of power and celebrity that we only skim the barest buzzwords and pay no attention to other meanings? Sarah Palin's little map with target sites says different things to different people, but with her one-track mind, Palin didn't care if anyone drew different conclusions. She probably thought she was being clever (fat chance) or folksy (better). She aimed for a metaphor of political annihilation which could have resulted in actual annihilation. 

Toning It Down

This country's Rotten Rhetoric has got to be toned down. What we say has become second to how we say it: impact has become more dependent on imagery than meaning. The steam-roller effect of the imagery, however, has gotten totally out of control and to rein it in will take a massive effort on our part. It will take a major pushback against people like Palin who will slough off situations like the Giffords shooting.

And the sloughing off and pious distancing has already started: "tragic" - "sickened" - "horrified" are starting to pump out of people like blood from a bullet wound. Get used to them for the next several days, because they'll be coming ad nauseum from people who vilified Giffords in no uncertain terms.

"My sincere condolences are offered to the family of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and the other victims of today's tragic shooting in Arizona. On behalf of Todd and my family, we all pray for the victims and their families, and for peace and justice."

 - Sarah Palin

“I am horrified by the violent attack on Representative Gabrielle Giffords and many other innocent people by a wicked person who has no sense of justice or compassion. I pray for Gabby and the other victims, and for the repose of the souls of the dead and comfort for their families. 

 - John McCain

BFD. Words: they can't heal as much as they can hurt. Politicians know that. 

So what can we do to tone down the rhetoric? Boycott Glenn Beck's sponsors?  Bombard Sarah Palin with vicious tweets of our own? Unfortunately, we're caught in a free speech conundrum: by telling people to tone down their Rotten Rhetoric, we're committing an act of censorship. And waiting for political suicide to set in could be a very long time, since people like Beck and Palin are never truly erased from public discourse. The solution may involve education and creativity: somehow we must make civil discourse look totally cool and Rotten Rhetoric look totally stupid. Ironically, we may have to use the Giffords shooting to shock people with lampoon and laughter, reminding people like Palin that Rotten Rhetoric is a two-edged sword, resulting in political suicide. 

So SNL, what's keeping you?