Saturday, February 28, 2009

We Want More PORN! SMUT! FILTH! and (shhhh!) hypocrisy.

(But I'll take my porn online!)

A new set of stats has come up which we KNEW people would love: Red States purchase more pornography per capita than Blue States!

We love Andrew Sullivan for bringing this to our attention:

While marketing research has discovered that the difference between red states' and blue states' purchase/subscription of online pornography is rather minor, the surprising results have the Red States (ahem) on top!

WARNING! Read the sign on the left! HE really means it! So don't go touching any impure parts of your body while reading this!

From New Scientist,

A new nationwide study of anonymised credit-card receipts from a major online adult entertainment provider finds little variation in consumption between states.

"When it comes to adult entertainment, it seems people are more the same than different," says Benjamin Edelman at Harvard Business School.

Does that mean gay men and straight men have the same libidos? Hmmm...Not according to straight women!

However, there are some trends to be seen in the data. Those states that do consume the most porn tend to be more conservative and religious than states with lower levels of consumption, the study finds.

So the Bible Belt parties more Below the Belt!

"Some of the people who are most outraged turn out to be consumers of the very things they claimed to be outraged by," Edelman says.

And it gets better (or worse, depending which side of the smut/sin fence you are):

All of the 27 states that passed laws banning gay marriage are 11% above the average in online subscriptions. Same results for the statement: "AIDS might be God's punishment for immoral sexual behaviour."

And the prize for running, jumping or standing gall and HYPOCRISY:

Church-goers bought less online porn on Sundays – a 1% increase in a postal code's religious attendance was associated with a 0.1% drop in subscriptions that day. However, expenditures on other days of the week brought them in line with the rest of the country.
So, abstain on Sunday, but kill more kittens on Monday.We all know about Bakker and Swaggart and Haggard, but let's not forget the people in the pews. Hypocrisy rests with them as well.

They're the ones that support "family values" they "cast stones" and "pluck out...if it offends thee."
They're the ones who vote for "hockey moms" and for "no gay rights" proposals.

They're the ones vote righteously for the death penalty.

They're the ones who say they love every human being, but vote for war.

O.K., I know you've been waiting impatiently for the next statistical orgasm.
And which state is tops in online porn sales? Find out HERE!

Which State In The U.S. Has (per capita) The Most Dirty Minds?

AND THE WINNER IS...(drumroll)


Give Those Mormons A Great Big Hand!
Or A Breast! Or A ...

What is it with Mormons? Senator Chris Buttars hates gays and adulterers and...well, just about everyone who has sex. The Mormon Church practically pushes men and women to an altar as soon as possible (for more babies or more sex?). FLDS Mormon men want as many Stepford wives as possible, but they'll kill one of their own if they find a magazine under the kid's bed.

The old Utah Boys Raunch didn't allow masturbating, but...

the state of Utah leads the nation in subscriptions to online porn sites!

Isn't it strange to picture a Mormon contributing online to a California Proposition banning gay marriage because he "supports the sanctity of marriage" before he clicks on to a porn site? Yes, that kind of hypocrisy is VERY strange!

Would Senator Christ Buttars openly vote for a ban on internet porn in the state of Utah? (He can't, but just suppose he could).

Utah's motto is: INDUSTRY.
That's it.
I guess it's all inclusive.
That must include the porn industry.
That must include lots of sex for Mormon wives, no?
We ought to take a poll of Mormon wives.

Utah's nickname: The Beehive State
Mormons must hate it: only one wife for all those men? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Damn!

All that hypocrisy! It MUST be the water!