Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Palin's List of Crash Courses

To The Media: "Thanks But, No Thanks"

(A.P, Newsweek)

At first, campaign aides told the TV producer, print and news agency reporters in the press pool that followed the Alaska governor that they would not be admitted along with still photographers and a video camera crew taken in to photograph her meetings with Afghan President Hamid Karzai and Colombian President Alvaro Uribe, who are here for the United Nations General Assembly this week. She also was to meet later with former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.

These sessions and meetings scheduled for Wednesday are part of the Republican campaign's effort to give Palin experience in foreign affairs. She has never met a foreign head of state and first traveled outside North America just last year.

This was the headline for Associated Press:

WASHINGTON (AP) - Sarah Palin is getting a crash course in foreign policy.

The term "crash course" could have several meanings, but after Palin's botched affair with the press this morning, I believe that A.P. means "doesn't know shit, but has to bone up!"

After I read it, I thought it would be helpful to the McCain-Palin campaign to give them a list of "crash courses" that Sarah Palin should have before Oct. 2. They are:

Media Relations - She will have to learn "damage control" VERY fast! (Like yesterday)

Inner City Crime - She will learn that guns are also used for killing people and she will have to recite 100 times "Guns don't kill people. People kill people" to bolster her NRA image.

American History Part I - She will be shocked to learn that most of the Founding Fathers were Deists and some were Freemasons! This is a prerequisite for the crash course in Religious Tolerance!

African American History - All of it.

Diplomacy - She will learn that the very idea of picking up any substantial knowledge of foreign affairs in two days is preposterous and insulting to people like former Secretary of State, Madelaine Albright, who came from a diplomatic background and is now teaching at the Georgetown School of Foreign Service!

Economics - learning to rid herself of the title, "Earmark Queen" and knowing the financial intricacies of faith-based initiatives and how to set up bread lines.

Environment and Natural Science - she will learn why some people DON'T shoot wolves.

PETA - She will learn why all baby animals look cute and defend herself while wearing a wolf fur coat. Because from the looks of some of her outfits, PETA will literally be on her tail.

Feminism - All of it

Comparative Religions - Not to be confused with Religious Tolerance course but still required and may be taken at the same time as American History Part I

Constitutional law - She will learn all of the First Ten Amendments of the Constitution and how not to confuse them with the Ten Commandments.

Hispanic Studies - She will learn that their are two definitions of the word "Alien"

Elective courses:

Washington cocktail parties - This is an interactive course where she will learn how to fight battles over Cosmos

Bug checking - She will learn the useful art of checking for hidden microphones and how to close doors VERY tightly while talking to energy companies.

I hope this curriculum is very helpful.

Just a thought.

And if she can't complete all the courses, she'll wind up being the Secretary of Education.

The Palin Channel: All Palin, All the Time!

People Never Seem Tire Of Sarah Palin!
Give Us More! More! More!

To Christian Broadcasting Network, Trinity Broadcasting Network and any other network that has a timeslot to fill: Create an All Palin Channel, broadcasting news, podcasts, pictorials, documentaries (there may be one out there) all about Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska. Think of the ratings! You'd push aside FOX news the very first day! She's a phenomenon! She's gold! People want to know what fragrance she wears! (it's a secret!), what Walmart she patronizes! They want Sarah Palin hairdos, Sarah Palin shoes, Sarah Palin Evangelical rape kits! An all-Palin, all the time channel would be a veritable blockbuster - at least for the next 5 weeks. After that, who knows? After that, who cares?

I care enough to say STOP! Stop and take a long, deep breath. Stop and READ what she has said and is being said about her. Stop looking at the


Sarah Palin.
Start looking at her in conjunction with McCain, Obama and Biden...and policies. Ask yourself some very pertinent questions: (my personal answers in red - hey! who's blog is it?)

  • Is Sarah Palin a Christian Fundamentalist who follows the current Fundamentalist ideology? Yes. Her ties to Pentecostals, certain pastors, views of the Bible and links to people like Franklin Graham, make for one faithful Fundamentalist.
  • Would Palin try to exercise Fundamentalist beliefs as a head of state? Possibly. She showed some leanings toward censorship with the Wasilla librarian affair.
  • Does Sarah Palin have a working knowledge of minorities? No. No matter how many times she says that she's been exposed to many different cultures in Wasilla and Anchorage, she really doesn't have a working knowledge of minorities be they African American, Latino, gay, Asian, Muslim.
  • Does Governor Palin have a working knowledge of the various regional cultures of America such as New Englander, New Yorker, Los Angelino, Texan, etc.? Probably not. In a sense, Palin has been in isolation for most of her life, if her accounts are true.
  • Would Palin be able to represent the nation in foreign countries/affairs? No. She is too much like George Bush to be able to carry off any diplomatic mission. Period.
  • Would Palin be able to react quickly in terms of a natural disaster? Don't know. This would depend on how much briefing she gets on infrastructure affairs - how much John McCain would allow her to know.
  • Would Palin vote for or co-author a Marriage Amendment? If she thought the legislature could pull it off successfully, DEFINITELY.
  • Is Sarah Palin smart? Yes. She has cunning and a sense of political survival.
  • Is Sarah Palin intelligent? Probably not. While some people cite her as a "quick learner," she has not stopped repeating her liabilities (e.g. "Bridge to Nowhere" lie)
  • Is she secretive? Yes. There are too many questions left unanswered. When questioned about many things, she dodges questions, sometimes to the point of seeming to come off as clueless.
  • Can she lead? Condition: Only when she feels that EVERYONE supports her. Too many stories of vengeance for not supporting her are circulating.
  • Would she be a competent President? No. She would have to take too much time to learn things. She would sense her own incompetence and that would show.
There are, of course, many other questions to ask, but we should never stopping asking questions about her. All Palin, all the time? No, just reasonable scrutiny. She's not running to be a beauty queen.

Just a thought.