Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Palin's List of Crash Courses

To The Media: "Thanks But, No Thanks"

(A.P, Newsweek)

At first, campaign aides told the TV producer, print and news agency reporters in the press pool that followed the Alaska governor that they would not be admitted along with still photographers and a video camera crew taken in to photograph her meetings with Afghan President Hamid Karzai and Colombian President Alvaro Uribe, who are here for the United Nations General Assembly this week. She also was to meet later with former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.

These sessions and meetings scheduled for Wednesday are part of the Republican campaign's effort to give Palin experience in foreign affairs. She has never met a foreign head of state and first traveled outside North America just last year.

This was the headline for Associated Press:

WASHINGTON (AP) - Sarah Palin is getting a crash course in foreign policy.

The term "crash course" could have several meanings, but after Palin's botched affair with the press this morning, I believe that A.P. means "doesn't know shit, but has to bone up!"

After I read it, I thought it would be helpful to the McCain-Palin campaign to give them a list of "crash courses" that Sarah Palin should have before Oct. 2. They are:

Media Relations - She will have to learn "damage control" VERY fast! (Like yesterday)

Inner City Crime - She will learn that guns are also used for killing people and she will have to recite 100 times "Guns don't kill people. People kill people" to bolster her NRA image.

American History Part I - She will be shocked to learn that most of the Founding Fathers were Deists and some were Freemasons! This is a prerequisite for the crash course in Religious Tolerance!

African American History - All of it.

Diplomacy - She will learn that the very idea of picking up any substantial knowledge of foreign affairs in two days is preposterous and insulting to people like former Secretary of State, Madelaine Albright, who came from a diplomatic background and is now teaching at the Georgetown School of Foreign Service!

Economics - learning to rid herself of the title, "Earmark Queen" and knowing the financial intricacies of faith-based initiatives and how to set up bread lines.

Environment and Natural Science - she will learn why some people DON'T shoot wolves.

PETA - She will learn why all baby animals look cute and defend herself while wearing a wolf fur coat. Because from the looks of some of her outfits, PETA will literally be on her tail.

Feminism - All of it

Comparative Religions - Not to be confused with Religious Tolerance course but still required and may be taken at the same time as American History Part I

Constitutional law - She will learn all of the First Ten Amendments of the Constitution and how not to confuse them with the Ten Commandments.

Hispanic Studies - She will learn that their are two definitions of the word "Alien"

Elective courses:

Washington cocktail parties - This is an interactive course where she will learn how to fight battles over Cosmos

Bug checking - She will learn the useful art of checking for hidden microphones and how to close doors VERY tightly while talking to energy companies.

I hope this curriculum is very helpful.

Just a thought.

And if she can't complete all the courses, she'll wind up being the Secretary of Education.


John Dubya said...

You are quite the smear merchant, aren't you.

Consider the Governor of any State, i.e., AR. et al. How long would it take for any of them to get up to speed? AR is about as 'back woods" as AK. Dems demanded favors and special treatment for Bill Clinton, and he was the sitting in for President, not VP.

It's funny how the shoe doesn't fit the "other" foot.

DFV said...

But...Clinton had brains. And he didn't play the part of Lorelei Lee, either. Funny how Rhodes scholars can present themselves, even the ones from back woods AR. He didn't need "crash courses."

Palin doesn't need a "smear merchant." She hasn't covered up her own tracks. She was waaay too eager to get ahead and snatch the job as VP. People are right when they say that Palin is a lot more like Bush than McCain is.