Jerry Sanders Uncovers the Evil Heart of SIN Diego

9/20/09

Hurry! It’s time for the televangelists, bloggers and Coultergeists of the country to rev up their engines: the Mayor of San Diego outed his own daughter and proposed same-sex marriages! He was visibly shaken when he performed this act of equality and justice, catching people completely off guard. Well, some people:

“Oh, look, he’s crying gratuitously!” laughs Coulter.

“That’s only because he’s drinking a lot of water, Ann,” says Dinesh Souza.

“And Pat Robertson just texted me that God would smite the homo-hugger with a meteor,” says James Dobson.

“I’ll dub the city Sin Diego from now on. That’s witty enough, isn’t it?” Coulter chimed in.

“Yes, but can a whole book be gotten out of this drivel?” asked Dobson.

“If we can prove that Sanders was having an affair with a stewardess in an airport restroom, then it can be a bestseller, but a short public announcement alone doesn’t give us much to go on,” says Coulter.

“Let’s hire an investigator into Sanders’ past, I don’t want to miss this chance,” said Souza, “Yep, no doubt about it. With Larry Craig on the hot toilet seat, we need a diversion. Besides he's just a mayor. He's expendable. Put a couple of Regent University law students on his case after we nail him. That'll make him feel better while getting that closet Democrat out of the way. Can I have your rolodex, Jim?”

“Sure, just don’t look at the other names.”

Hey, you KNOW they’re going to give this one their best shot. Stay tuned…