Thursday, January 8, 2009

Coulter On Illegitimate Children: She's Afraid She'll Be Mugged By One!

Ann Coulter(geist) Should Not Be Mugged
By Illegitimate Children!

Legitimate Ones, Well...O.K.
Ann Coulter now demands that before you mug her, you must present her with your birth certificate. You see, in her mind, all illegitimate children will grow up to be muggers, so, if you want to be truly Christian (and more exclusive, even - chic) about the matter, you have to prove that you're legitimate. It's so much more de rigeur. It's one thing to be mugged by one's own, but to be mugged by the bourgeoisie! UGH!

O.K., let's look at her statement on the Early Show with Harry Smith:
I'm citing the real victims whom I'm defending and demanding that this perpetual motion machine of the liberal victimization machine playing victim while oppressing others, the millions of illegitimate children born every year, the people who are mugged by the millions of illegitimate children born every year -- they are genuine victims.

SMITH: It's the liberals' fault, it's the liberals' fault.

COULTER: Illegitimacy is certainly something that I document quite thoroughly has been promoted through the media, the courts, and federal government, as something that is celebrated and promoted by the left-wing in America. It was a plan, it wasn't an accident. And that's why the illegitimacy rate has gone up by 300% since 1970.

I was illegitimate. I was born in St. Vincent's Infant Asylum and Maternity Hospital in Chicago, Illinois and given up for adoption from birth.

I do not want to mug Ann Coulter. Not for her money, not for her clothes (are you kidding?), not even for the pleasure of mugging Ann Coulter. No. I will take the high road on this one. As will millions of other people who are probably saying: "Me? I wouldn't touch the bitch with a twenty-foot pole!"

No, I really don't want to mug Ann Coulter. There are other ways of harming her, some quite fatally:

#1. Call her boring. Ten people accosting her on the street and saying directly to her: "Ann, you're boring!" would lay her out flat. She would breathe her last breath before the ambulance got out onto the street.

#2. Make her date Keith Olbermann - again.

#3. Put Peace signs on every door of her apartment building, making her think that it's now inhabited by commie-pinko liberals.

#4. Tell her that Andrew Cooper is gay. (Hey, the truth can really hurt!)

But I won't resort to any of these, I promise (well, maybe #4, if pushed). No one will harm Ann Coulter. No one will go near Ann Coulter. After her remarks, she will be lucky to approached by waiters in third class restaurants. She will never again be able to get a cab. In New York. Ever. Her shadow will move on, totally disgusted by her.

Hey, I can go further, but even orgasms have to end.

Just a thought.

Oh, and to our masochistic readers, here's the whole insipid interview. Please remember to send Harry Smith a note of thanks!:

Yeah! All The Women Will Turn Into Lesbians and Witches!!! Or Sarah Palin!

And If They Don't, Pat Robertson Will STILL
Burn Them At The Stake!

(O.K., Maybe not Palin if she pledges she's NOT demonspawn)

(From Washington Independent)

House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) announced today that the chamber will vote Friday on legislation making it easier for workers to pursue payment-discrimination claims.

As The New York Times wrote in an editorial today, Republicans “should consider now whether hostility to civil rights and pay equity for women is really the image they want to project for their party after the losses it suffered in November.”

But aren't the women they talk about (shudder!)...FEMINISTS? Republicans siding with Lesbians and Witches?

Pat Robertson will be enraged while Bela Abzug (may she rest in peace) will be laughing.

And what will the Southern Baptist Convention have to say? Family Research Council, Focus on the Family? Horrors!! Man as THE breadwinner of the family is doomed, doomed, doomed!!

Actually, he's been doomed for a long time. What the ERA has been telling conservatives for the longest time has finally been written in black and white: we're equal to you. We deserve equal pay, not a rant from Ann Coulter!

Just a thought.

O.K., Ann Coulter, Put 'em Up!

Your Fists, Ann! NOT YOUR LEGS! Your Fists!

This woman just HAS to go down! Forget the fact that people with reasonable minds never listen to her. Forget the fact that she spouts drivel that's quoted second to the Bible by every Christofascist in the country. Forget the fact that to jump-start her mornings she has to pee on at least ten homeless people, or the fact that she has a shrine dedicated to St. Leona.

This woman MUST go down! Yes, she's entertaining, but so is Pat Robertson trying to leg press an elephant (or whatever). To use Biblical oh-so-eloquent terminology, someone must "smite" her. I'm sure that the surgeon who wired her jaw last time was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, so can't someone come up with a prize sufficient for him to wire it permanently? And her fingers. And her toes, should she find a way to type with them.

The "book" she came out with,
Guilty: Liberal Victims and Their Assault on America contradicts her own need to be vicious:

( TownhallDaily, Jan. 7,2008)

In point of fact, I'm not particularly critical of Obama in my new book.


The media's fawning over Obama knew no bounds, and yet, in the midst of the most incredible media conspiracy to turn this jug-eared clodhopper into some combination of Winston Churchill and a young Elvis, you were being a bore if you mentioned the liberal media.
"Jug-eared clodhopper" is not particularly critical at all, is it? I mean, practically EVERYONE calls someone a jug-eared clodhopper at some point in time don't they?
Sarah Palin was memorizing the last six kings of Swaziland for her media interviews, but Obama only needed to say something nice about his parents to be considered presidential material.

A woman who doesn't have any sense of geography, sociology, diplomacy, or the "Bush Doctrine" wouldn't be able to absorb Swaziland's existence in Africa, especially since she thought Africa was one big country. Palin wasn't even dog-catcher material. The right-wing people of Alaska have had their brains frozen for so long that she catapulted from Wasilla to VP RNC pick past them without them having a chance to see how she "governatored" the state.
He titled his keynote address at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, "The Audacity of Hope" –- named after a sermon given by his spiritual mentor Jeremiah Wright, whom we were not allowed to mention without being accused of playing dirty tricks.
But, thank God, we were allowed to mention John Hagee, who strongly advocates annihilating Palestinians so we can see Armaggedon, Rod Parsley, who wants to destroy half of the world (but only the Islamic half), and John Muthee, who laid hands on Palin and Shazaam! she became Governor of Alaska.

But the media were giddy over their latest crush. Even when Obama broke a pledge and rejected public financing for his campaign ... "Citing the specter of attacks from independent groups on the right,"

So he had to break his pledge because he was a victim of the Republican Attack Machine.

Well, Maybe a Republican attack DOG - A. C., Oh, how clever of you, Ann, to attack Obama inadvertently by attacking the media! Bravo!

And of course, we all know by now what Ann Coulter thinks of Michelle Obama's style. So, Coulter, put up your fists before you attack Malia and Sasha!

And, people, she will. She most definitely will. She'll set her flying monkeys on them! You can bet on it!

Just a thought.

And We Thought Gay Bashing Was Just for Rednecks

Disgruntled Queen or Agent Orange ala Fred Phelps?

“I have in my possession approximately 67 grams of ricin with which I will indiscriminately target at least five of your clients. I expect them to die painfully while in the hospital.”

(Seattle, Washington) Seattle police say they are taking seriously threats of ricin attacks on 11 gay bars in the city.

The threats were made in letters received by the bars on Tuesday and have been turned over to police. Seattle weekly newspaper The Stranger received a 12th letter saying it should be “prepared to announce the deaths of approximately 55 individuals.”
The person who sent the notes spelled every word correctly, so he/she can't be one of Sarah Palin's followers. Coherence is not exactly a redneck trait. You get too high from shooting moose. It's called "dead animal rush." Palin's followers also use crayon for death threats. I think police have determined that an old Underwood typewriter was used.

Seriously, this is just a hyped version of fag-bashing. It's in the news only because ricin was mentioned. People are bashed every day with plain ole' baseball bats, and few people notice. Men and women are raped. Who cares? Religionist rhetoric kills people from bully pulpits. It always has. So what?

Sensationalism sells.

Maybe we should get bashed with an A-bomb. Look at all the publicity it gave Hiroshima!

Just a thought.