Coulter On Illegitimate Children: She's Afraid She'll Be Mugged By One!

Ann Coulter(geist) Should Not Be Mugged
By Illegitimate Children!

Legitimate Ones, Well...O.K.

Ann Coulter now demands that before you mug her, you must present her with your birth certificate. You see, in her mind, all illegitimate children will grow up to be muggers, so, if you want to be truly Christian (and more exclusive, even - chic) about the matter, you have to prove that you're legitimate. It's so much more de rigeur. It's one thing to be mugged by one's own, but to be mugged by the bourgeoisie! UGH!

O.K., let's look at her statement on the Early Show with Harry Smith:

I'm citing the real victims whom I'm defending and demanding that this perpetual motion machine of the liberal victimization machine playing victim while oppressing others, the millions of illegitimate children born every year, the people who are mugged by the millions of illegitimate children born every year -- they are genuine victims.

SMITH: It's the liberals' fault, it's the liberals' fault.

COULTER: Illegitimacy is certainly something that I document quite thoroughly has been promoted through the media, the courts, and federal government, as something that is celebrated and promoted by the left-wing in America. It was a plan, it wasn't an accident. And that's why the illegitimacy rate has gone up by 300% since 1970.

I was illegitimate. I was born in St. Vincent's Infant Asylum and Maternity Hospital in Chicago, Illinois and given up for adoption from birth.

I do not want to mug Ann Coulter. Not for her money, not for her clothes (are you kidding?), not even for the pleasure of mugging Ann Coulter. No. I will take the high road on this one. As will millions of other people who are probably saying: "Me? I wouldn't touch the bitch with a twenty-foot pole!"

No, I really don't want to mug Ann Coulter. There are other ways of harming her, some quite fatally:

#1. Call her boring. Ten people accosting her on the street and saying directly to her: "Ann, you're boring!" would lay her out flat. She would breathe her last breath before the ambulance got out onto the street.

#2. Make her date Keith Olbermann - again.

#3. Put Peace signs on every door of her apartment building, making her think that it's now inhabited by commie-pinko liberals.

#4. Tell her that Andrew Cooper is gay. (Hey, the truth can really hurt!)

But I won't resort to any of these, I promise (well, maybe #4, if pushed). No one will harm Ann Coulter. No one will go near Ann Coulter. After her remarks, she will be lucky to approached by waiters in third class restaurants. She will never again be able to get a cab. In New York. Ever. Her shadow will move on, totally disgusted by her.

Hey, I can go further, but even orgasms have to end.

Just a thought.

Oh, and to our masochistic readers, here's the whole insipid interview. Please remember to send Harry Smith a note of thanks!: