Thursday, October 18, 2007

This Year's PERFECT Hell House

Bring In The Harpies!

From the website of Pastor Keenan Roberts:

New Destiny Christian Center – Soaring at a Godly Altitude
(You read it right - I’m not making this stuff up. Check it out.)

Shake your city with the most "in-your-face, high-flyin', no denyin', death-defyin', Satan-be-cryin', keep-ya-from-fryin', theatrical stylin', no holds barred, cutting-edge" evangelism tool of the new millennium!

No, it’s not a circus. Very nearly, but not quite.

Oct. 12th marked the 9th the anniversary of the murder of Matthew Shepherd. Mid-October also marked the beginning of a festive American celebration: Hell Houses. There’s a connection between the two events. Some people vehemently deny it, but it’s there. Hell houses are slick demonizations of teen and adult behavior. Pastor Keenan Roberts, who started merchandising the concept, typifies the fundamentalist ideologies presented by Hell Houses, sort of like “If we say they’re going to hell, they’re going to hell. That’s it. Don’t be one of them.” Or similar words to that effect. Oh, and by the way, Keenan’s first Hell House was in Roswell, NM. Go figure.

From Pastor Keenan’s Hell House Kit:

Piece by piece, prop by prop, costume by costume - the master plan is organized in a comprehensive manual. A video of what Hell House in action looks like and a special-effects compact disc audio master are also included. This sizzling evangelism event is designed to capture the attention of our sight and sound culture!

One scene’s depiction of a tortured teenage lesbian from the manual:

This scene creatively combines two cutting-edge issues into one script. The drama for the scene calls for a spiritual battle between the angel of the Lord and the demon tour guide. They wrestle for Jamie's intellect as she struggles with whether or not God has made her this way. This script captures an incredibly compelling exposé that unmasks the “born-gay” lie. The script suits either a male or female lead character. This package includes two wonderful effects tracks. $45 (USD)

This from a minister who tortures his own children: his boys are named Blaze and Jade (?!) Let’s face it, with a name like Jade, the poor kid will definitely become the football team’s “bitch.”

Hell House mentality also denies that a Hell House can contribute to teen suicide, but take look at this grisly scenario:

Another Hell House scene depicts a teenage girl attending her first rave. She unknowingly takes a “date rape drug” and a young man rapes her. Some Hell Houses alternate the rave date rape with a scene where a young girl is raped by her father. In both cases, after being victimized, the girl commits suicide and goes to hell. Available information about both versions mentions nothing about the rapists being punished or going to hell, while the already-victimized girls are sent to hell to be punished for eternity.*

Rape. Eternal damnation. Incest. Teen suicides. Ah, the holidays are truly upon us. God only knows what those fun-loving evangelicals will do to the Thanksgiving turkey.

But…I would like to add to the above drama of damnation. It’s the PERFECT Hell House guaranteed to give nightmares to young and old alike: a teenager without an Ipod being forced to listen to Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin – in person.

Cheaper too.

*My special thanks to Gay & Lesbian Task Force’s Sarah Kennedy & Jason Cianciotto for this last description.