The Sadism Of San Francisco's MUNI: Making People Miserable For Decades, And Loving Every Second Of It!

READER: You can stick this in your "and-I-thought-my-own-transit-system-was-bad" file.
MUNI: You can just stick it.


Dear Reader: There is only one reason to ever recommend San Francisco's municipal transit system (MUNI) to anyone:
REVENGE.


Today marked the 11,121st time MUNI has tried to make my life miserable. It always succeeds. Over the period of 38 years, it has taken my superlative love for the City and brought it down not one, not two, but ten notches: each day I wonder at how many fantastic things and people the City has to offer, then I experience MUNI. It's particular form of sadism depresses me. To make matters worse, I live in Park Merced and I'm tethered to the M Metro line. Everybody at Park Merced and at San Francisco State University is tethered to the M if they want to go anywhere. It could be said that the M is the worst of the worst which it may very well be, considering the alternatives.*


If you live in Park Merced, it takes 90-120 minutes to get near the Embarcadero; longer if the system has an intended "slow down". "Fiction!" say the MUNI administrators. "Fact!" say the people who actually have to ride the thing. 


90-120 minutes. If you have an important 9AM appointment, better get up before dawn. 


There are more horror stories about MUNI than there are MUNI cars...or drivers, but since I've had to suffer through it all for 38 grueling years, I might have a greater number than the average person. I've gotten stuck in the tunnel so many times that I've considered setting up housekeeping  inside of it. I've gotten stranded (along with other passengers) when the driver says "this is the end of the line for me, take the next bus." There seldom is a "next bus" for 30 minutes. I was stranded at Bayshore and Cortland at 1AM. No explanation, just "get off!" I've known a driver to purposely give wrong directions to a slightly tipsy man as a joke. I've had a driver allow me to board a bus after I've asked if it went to a certain destination, then, after he started up, laugh, and say "but in the opposite direction!" I've known of a bus station being "lost" by MUNI (put in storage during renovation of the stop, then never found). But the worst experience of all did not involve and bus, a driver or even a route:


Life overlooking the Bayview disrict's 3rd Street was a constant stream of shootings and ambulances, possibly because that particular stretch, and one particular corner saw the most homicides in the city - 7 homicides in 5 years.  The funeral parlors never knew a recession.** 


One morning, I looked out the front window and saw a bizarre sight: on the most homicidal corner in the City, workers for the new T-line were placing sets of green steel benches, forming a "conversation pit".


It wasn't a bus stop. Nor was it near a proposed T-line stop. I spied a policeman surveying the scene, gesturing to the workers. 


I ran downstairs and across the street.


"Office, what's next? TV and a gun rack for the shooters?" He looked at me with agreement.
"I know what you mean. The idots. On the worst corner and not a bus stop. They have their orders, though and I can't do anything about it, but maybe you can."


?? 


Get on the phone to City Hall, The Mayor, any friends who have friends. Once they rivet those damn things into the pavement, they're permanent and there's nothing any of us could do about it."


I had visions of men with high-powered rifles kicking back between rounds as if in a shooting gallery, so I ran back to my apartment, made frantic calls and within an hour, the cop, the workers, the benches had vanished. I breathed a sigh of relief: the building had gone through jack-hammers (on Saturday mornings no less!) repeatedly correcting MUNI's damage to sewers and late-night tweakers having parties on the unfinished station platform (our building spanned a good portion of the block). 


(Side note: my MUNI karma being what it is, I rode the maiden voyage T-line train downtown - all 400 passengers got stranded near the Cals-Trans station. MUNI's general manger gave an immediate press conference for mea culpas. BFD)


PURE SADISM


What MUNI has against the citizens of San Francisco is anyone's guess, but since absolutely no one on earth could possibly be that inept, that stupid, that clueless about public transportation, it's safe to say that the constant screw-ups are done for MUNI's amusement. And yes, I've seen station attendents laughing at the frustration of riders. I've seen workers lumbering around at a rate that would make a sloth look like Speedy Gonzales, giving disdainful glances to people. The last act of true civility I've witnessed was the thanks a driver gave to passengers when they alerted her that she was going in the wrong direction (MUNI had pushed her on to a new shuttle route without telling her exactly what that route was***).


And as everyone knows, making polite-but-critical remarks to MUNI is useless, simply because it positively revels in its sadism. MUNI is absolutely immune to criticism: only when outcries reach fever pitch does MUNI react, and usually with a costly promotional stunt like Clipper. Think of Clipper this way: a convenience for MUNI with only slightly easier access to a platform or buss stop where you'll wait for MUNI just as long. Using money for additional cars has never been a priority for MUNI. 


As for rectifying the mess we call MUNI, well, many people have proposed scrapping it entirely and having the City purchase a fleet of donkeys. But then sadism comes through again: any MUNI driver would be reported to the SPCA. 

*Sorry, the 28 (Baker Beach) and the 17 (tools around in circles in Park Merced or goes to West Portal by way of the North Pole) do not count - not if you need to get to civilization or BART.
**But going to the funeral of a gang member was dangerous, since the gangs always tried to pick off a few relatives.
***This actually happened TWICE on the same shuttle route - the other driver was not as appreciative)

Can We Stop Laughing Now? GOP Hypocrisy Campaign Hits New High With Herman Cain and His Campaign Manager Mark Block

The stupidity goes on ...and on...and on... and on...

"No individual, whether a private citizen, a candidate for public office or a public official, should be questioned about his or her private sexual life." - Herman Cain campaign spokeperson (who was presumably sober when he made the statement)

Thumbing your nose at the American public is extremely stupid if you're running for office, and the GOP presidential candidate lineup has been doing just that. 

The primary debates - if you can call them that - have brought out idiocies and ineptitudes to such a degree that the entire GOP looks to be populated with clowns. And not very good clowns either. Oh, they've made us laugh, but along with the laughter, they provoke resentment at being so oblivious to public sensibilities and intelligence. For example, did Rick Perry never think that someone would uncover his "n*ggerhead camp"?* Did Michele Bachmann never put two and two together when it came to one nellie husband running an unlicensed pray-away-the-gay clinic? True, these two candidates are fairly stupid to begin with, but to have their campaigns dole out the stupidity as if it were candy is an insult to Americans.


Then there's Herman Cain, who looks to be the dumbest of the dumb: a corporate Uncle Tom who has frequent lapses of memory and doesn't seem to know anything about countries east, west, north or south of Sandy Springs, Georgia. He's a would-be politician who relies on America's trust: a man who can turn around giant corporations can certainly help the country out of its economic woes, can't he?


The problem with the above idea: America is not a corporation to be trimmed and re-packaged: it's very diverse and has more goals than just making a profit.** It's team of workers has to multi-focus or whole segments of its population will suffer.


So now that fragile trust in Herman Cain has been overshadowed by his pride, his arrogance and ... his stupidity: as he saw opponents like Perry and Bachmann falter by not covering their lives up sufficiently, he should have taken stock of his own life and covered up the accusations of harassment or dealt with them head on. But now that Ginger White has come forth with allegations of a long term affair, dealing with it all has been rendered moot: it's all over but the spin from a campaign that was built on sheer hubris.


And the spin will continue to include inane comments like the one above. Bill Clinton, stop laughing now or you'll hurt yourself!


Mark Block, The Funniest Man In America


Herman Cain's campaign manager is Mark Block, a man whose ineptitude in managing Cain's campaign is matched only by his arrogance: he is the one person responsible for the awful "Libya interview" that Cain painfully plowed through, admitting lack of focus. He did not insist on a strategy session with the Milwaukee Sentinel outlining what topics could and could not be covered (which is normal in professional promotion and publicity), but instead threw Cain under the bus and, from all accounts, thought that the interview went well! He also went on to Sean Hannity's FOX news show claiming that the second harassment accuser, Karen Kraushaar, was in cahoots with POLITICO (not true).


For arguably the best laugh anyone can have over the disastrous Cain campaign, I've presented its most hilarious video below. It's talking points:


"Tomorrow, he's one day closer to the White House"- or an outhouse
"We will put "United" back in the United States of America" - united for what - pizza?
"We've run a campaign like no one's ever seen." - thank God for that!
"But then, America's never seen a candidate like Herman Cain."- let's hope not!


Block then finishes by blowing a puff of cigarette smoke into America's face. Has SNL done a sketch on this insipid wreck yet?


So can we stop laughing now? Have we been insulted with ineptitude and mindlessness enough to get back to Mitt Romney's flip-flopping or Newt Gingrich's sudden compassion for illegal immigrants? For the sake of the country's health, can we refrain from the pathological laughter brought on by the likes of Cain and Block? 


Because this campaign is no longer a fun-filled pizza...


...it's toast.

* So prevalent is the American philosophy that politicians always have something to hide - especially sexually, porn king Larry Flynt is willing to pay $1 million to the person who proves that Rick Perry has had an extramarital affair - gay or straight. We're waiting.


**Or at least it's supposed to have more goals.