"Rapture Kitty" Hits #1 On OpEdNews!!!

Proof that Cuteness really matters: I think the reason the article hit #1 on OpEdNews was this pic. Hope people are actually reading the article!

The End Of The World? We're Sooo Looking Forward To It!

"God has given sooo much information in the Bible about this, and so many proofs, and so many signs, that we know it is absolutely going to happen without any question at all. 

 - Harold Camping

When the End Times come, I want to be living in Kansas. It's always twenty years behind."

 - Mark Twain

Imagine this scene:

Sunday, May 22nd, 10:15AM, families in church pews singing praises of the Lord very languidly, with  no exuberance at all. They've gathered in churches out of fright and despair. The day before, a few people they knew had disappeared - in broad daylight!  It happened! It actually happened! Old Harold Camping was RIGHT!!

After the initial worldwide chaos, all those worshipers had come to the realization that they had been "left behind," and their fate was sealed: in six months, their bodies and souls would cease to exist. No hell, but no heaven either. That's the way Camping envisioned it. Why were they singing hymns at all? Maybe hope, maybe habit. The cruelty of it all was still impossible to comprehend: only 3% of the population were raptured. What was wrong with the other 97%?

Yes, it's an odd scenario that focuses on the torture to come: billions of people left on earth, knowing that in six months they would cease to exist. Of course, it's not the only picture of the End: so many elements and permutations make for an interesting (if confusing) mix-and-match game: the Rapture, pre-millenialism, post-millenialism,  Armageddon are but a few. But no matter what the eschatology, they all involve the End of the World, a Judgment of human beings, unification with God (heaven) or separation from God (hell or non-existence) all with a heavy dose of ... sadism. One wonders if God created man just to toy with him like some cruel child: whatever the outcome of the World, somebody, some soul will suffer.

Gone Are The Sandwich Boards

"REPENT! THE END IS NEAR!" When's the last time you saw some sad, unkempt person wearing front-and-back placards declaring the end of the world? Most of them have been retired to YouTube heaven and they've been replaced by young people in tee-shirts with handouts or misspelled signs held by very in-your-face adherents. Today's End Timers seem more definite, more aggressive, and more condescending than sandwich board messengers. Why? Is it because they know they will be going to heaven very soon? Or is it because they know you won't be going to heaven (unless you listen to them and act quickly)? Watch the 40-second video at the bottom and wonder why the young man has such fervor in his voice and stance. When asked what he will do if the world still exists on May 22nd, he is absolutely certain that THERE WILL BE NO MAY 22nd! The force at which he puts up a mind-block to any alternative is unsettling.

Of course, websites like The End.com and  End Time Ministries also exude a matter-of-fact quality about a Second Coming, but they merely act as enablers to a group that is going one step further: naming an actual date.

I realize that calling today's End Timers cruel and sadistic may be going too far, but not far enough for people who actually push for Armageddon, e.g. the followers of Pastor John Hagee. His group, CUFI (Christians United For Israel), actually rallies for the concept of Armageddon. In the video below, the actions of the faithful seem almost surreal: they're so very happy that an Israeli-Palestinian conflict would bring about their cherished Armageddon, they seem oblivious to the fact that they are inciting a war, with people dying in the process.  Former U.S. Representative Tom DeLay looks almost giddy at the prospect of a cataclysmic war.

So what will happen to the May 21st End Timers on May 22nd? Will they experience profound disillusionment? Will they be ridiculed mercilessly? Will they switch to another date? I fear the answer to all three questions is a resounding "yes". We are experiencing people who (badly) need  a vast and spectacular change in their lives and who cannot deal with the human condition, whether in themselves or others. In other words, they will always want the End Time to come in their lifetime: be it in the form of the Rapture, the Second Coming, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse or whatever, End Timers will always strive for an immediate vindication, a current vengeance, a present emotional and physical relief with something as universal as religion.   

Past "signs" of the End Time show us just how desperate people are when they put their beliefs and their hopes for a cataclysmic change on the line:

Mormon: Babylon will be established and fall, Rev. 17-18.

Jehovah's Witnesses: All religions, represented by the Babylon the Great, except Jehovah's Witnesses, will be destroyed by the United Nations.(Revelation 17:16-18)

Islam: the Sun will rise from the West instead of the East.

So what will happen on May 22? After a great wailing and gnashing of teeth, the world will go on as it always has, people will still practice virtues and vices, and history will (unfortunately) repeat itself in the form of desperate people hoping for the End Time.

PS: With a nod to conspiracy theorists: the billboards stretching from Connecticut to Louisiana are extremely pricey. Camping may own some media outlets, but nothing on the scale to produce enough income for the advertising. So who the hell is funding this stuff?

Osama Bin Laden Is Dead. And So Is "Cowboy Diplomacy" (We Hope!)

Justice Is Served. 
Obama Is Lauded.
Statesmanship Is 
Re-established. 
And The Right is
...check-mated. 

A statesman does not gloat: in an hour when United States needed supreme statesmanship, Barack Obama made the announcement of Osama Bin Laden's with a slightly somber note. He did not smile. He simply noted that justice had been served and that we must be ever-vigilant in the war on terrorism. He also reinforced his image as a Nobel Peace Prize laureate in declaring:

We must also reaffirm that the United States is not –- and never will be -– at war with Islam. I’ve made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against Islam. Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader; he was a mass murderer of Muslims. Indeed, al Qaeda has slaughtered scores of Muslims in many countries, including our own. So his demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity.

He did not gloat. Instead, the gloating was done for him around the country, and while people are justified in being satisfied with the Al Qaeda leader's death as a point of closure to horrific events in our history, the current hysteria may look to the world exactly like the joy Islamic militants had demonstrated on 9/11. Obama's calm hopefully countered that image.

The cheers may also signal a blow to the Right, for those jubilant crowds at Ground Zero are the people the Republican Party counted on to destroy Barack Obama. After all, they are cheering Obama's "gutsy" but intelligent strategy. Not...George...Bush's. 

And it's very obvious that conservatives across the country are holding back tears of frustration. After all, Bush's "cowboy diplomacy" was an oxymoron: it was no diplomacy at all. His desire to wear a white stetson and go into the Middle East with guns blazing was loutish and engendered more fear of the U.S. than admiration. It was the result of an excuse to annihilate Saddam Hussein, an act of bravado that cost more U.S. lives than were lost on 9/11 and spiraled the economy down into debt. Bush was derided as a brute - history's greatest diplomatic dimwit.

Reactions by Republicans have tried to temper their commendations of Obama with references to Bush:

Eric Cantor: "I commend President Obama who has followed the vigilance of President Bush in bringing Bin Laden to justice." 

Tim Pawlenty: In the hours after the 9/11 attacks, President Bush promised that America would bring Osama bin Laden to justice -- and we did."

Donald Rumsfeld: "All of this was made possible by the relentless, sustained pressure on al Qaeda that the Bush administration initiated after 9/11 and that the Obama administration has wisely chosen to continue." 

And some didn't bother to commend the President at all: reactions eliminating any mention of Obama include Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Condoleezza Rice, Sen. Saxby Chambliss, Rep. Darrell Issa,  Sen. Marco Rubio to name a few.

Those Amazing Conspiracy Guys

Perhaps the most loyal adherents to cowboy diplomacy are the country's conspiracy theorists: Obama's comparatively restrained militarism helped them paint him as un-American. And on the outset, the publication of the long form birth certificate coupled with Bin Laden's demise should render the brand of un-American moot and pointless. Of course, conspiracy theorists are still having a field day because of the manner in which the body of Bin Laden was disposed of: dumping it in the ocean was not (to them) conclusive. No matter that the comprehensive coverage of the assault by CBS IN THE WAR ROOM leaves no doubt that Obama, Vice-President Biden, Secretary of State Clinton and other officials viewed the assault in real time. No matter that one woman in the compound made a positive identification of the body. No matter that photos were taken. No matter that positive DNA results were released. 

No matter.

We have Birthers (some refuse to believe the legitimacy of the long form) and now there will be (Bin Laden) "Deathers" as well. Ho hum. We can only hope that all these theorists whose raison d'etre is to "get" Obama at any cost may find their numbers dwindling, not because of the last two events, but because the pile up of conspiracy theories may increase to such a point that the industry itself may implode. Too many jokes founded on too many theories will eventually bore the public and adamant theorists will be looked upon for what they are: rubes who will grasp at anything to discredit him and make him look un-American. 

And when that happens, let's hope that they will take cowboy diplomacy along with them. It's too expensive. We can't afford it any more.

Birthers DEMAND That Obama Birth Certificate Be A Forgery - For The Economic And Political Good Of The Nation!

Disclosure Of Obama Birth Certificate Puts MILLIONS Out Of Work!! Breadlines Begin To Sprout Up!

With the disclosure of President Barack Obama's birth certificate, the REAL conspiracy has come out: create a booming industry of Birthism, then when it's at its height and Presidential candidates attach their stars to the movement, pull the rug out from underneath it all! Ingenious! The stock market will collapse! Birther leaders will be raining onto city pavements! Donald Trump's three hairs will fall out!


OK, so none of that has happened, but give Birthers some credit: they've created a unique industry based on one conspiracy theory and now they have nothing.


Well, almost nothing. Spin doctors and conspiracy-hungry Right Wingnuts are hard at work trying to mold the news into something sustainable or coming up with new theories. From the Washington Post, and Talking Points Memo (Best of the Birthers) we can see Birthers scrambling as if to stabilize themselves after an earthquake:


Orly Taiz - "Queen of the Birthers." She still thinks there's something fishy about the long form because Obama didn't show it until now. She also thinks it might be fake because it stated "African" rather than "Negro" on the long form. She thanked Donald Trump for "forcing the President's hand."


Donald Trump - real estate mogul and reality TV star. He agrees with Orly: he now thinks he has power over Obama. However, on George Stephanopoulos' program last week he said that he's proud of his company and would welcome full disclosure:

TRUMP: I have a great company, I’ve done a great job which I’ve run you’ll see what a great job because I’ll do a full disclosure of finances. STEPHANOPOULOS: Including tax returns? TRUMP: Maybe I’ll do the tax returns when Obama does his birth certificate. 

We're waiting.

Sean Hannity - FOX News pundit, major shill for the Republican Party and "journalist" responsible for "Dijon-Gate". Hannity has stated that he was "birther curious." However, Hannity and FOX kept the birther movement alive by airing it in at least 52 different segments.

Joseph Farah - founder and chief editor of World Net Daily (Or Wing Nut Daily, whichever you prefer)

It would be a big mistake for everyone to jump to a conclusion now based on the release of this document, which raises as many questions than it answers.”

Farah also offers a new spin on the Birther movement and citizenship:

“Now we can have an intelligent discussion about what it means to be a natural born citizen,” Farah said, suggesting in what direction conservatives will now push the issue. “If your father is Kenyan, how are you an American citizen? If your adopted step-father was Indonesian, how are you an American citizen? At best you are a dual-citizen.”

Next up: who was your great, geat grandfather?

Michele Bachmann - Presidential hopeful, House Representative from Minnesota, nicknamed "crazy eyes" by Joe Jervis (Joe.My.God). Bachmann fueled the Birther movement, but sidestepped the issue directly. After all, she doesn't need Birthers, since she's dreamt up some theories of her own: Obama's $900 million-dollar-a-day trip to India, the intrusive and secretive 2010 Census, etc.

Phil Berg - attorney who filed first lawsuit claiming Obama was not a U.S. Citizen. Now he says that the birth certificate is not that important:

Obama may have been born in Hawaii, Berg says, but he renounced his American citizenship when he was adopted by his stepfather Lolo Soetoro while living in Indonesia. Berg claims Obama's Indonesian school records list him as an Islamic Indonesian named Barry Soetoro.

Jerome Corsi - author of new book, Where's the Birth Certificate? Although it hasn't been published yet, the book hit #1 on Amazon. Joseph Farah is publishing the book and plans to go ahead - with no updates or re-edits. Sales should go through the roof - as a "period piece."

Rush Limbaugh - The Bloviator. Even though he fanned the flames of Birtherism, he now claims that HE WARNED PEOPLE that the birth certificate issue was a "dead end" (listen below)

Amidst all the chaos, other Birthers: Matt Drudge (Drudge Report), Chuck Norris, Arizona State Rep. Carl Seel (introduced Birther law) ands Alan Keyes (perennial president candidate).


So now we have a lot of fools who are busy trying not to look like fools. Isn't American politics entertaining as hell?

“The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.”

                                           - Mark Twain

Terry Jones Update: The Latest Video Proves That Righteous Arrogance Kills People and Breeds Stupid Pastors

The last words: "This man is insane!"

A Methodist Minister, a Muslim Imam and a Fred Phelps Impersonator walk into a bar...

OK, I'm straining to be light about the whole thing, but the video of Terry Jones going toe-to-toe with Imam Hassan Al-Qazwini and Rev. Ed Rowe - Pastor of Central United Methodist Church in Detroit would be hysterically funny if peace and safety didn't hinge on it. All the talking points are there, but Jones' insistence that his actions are not harmful and that they have a point hold no correlation to those points.

SPECIAL NOTE: You may well be reading this after Jones' attempt to protest, but to get a good look at simple reasoning being thrown at someone like Jones, you really must watch the video. The idiom "Pearls Before Swine" will surely pop into your head. If you have any problems viewing it, go HERE to the site. And, yes, it's that important. 

Comic Update: As if in some old sitcom (discontinued after 4 episodes), this happened to Jones after the interview:

Controversial Pastor Terry Jones made a name for himself after burning a Koran to protest radical Islam.  On Thursday, Jones fired bullet into the floorboard of his car.

Southfield Police say the gun accidentally discharged.  No one was hurt.  No Charges were filed.  Police gave the gun back to Jones and sent him on his way.

Jones was born 90 years too late: he could have been a star in Mack Sennett's Keystone Cops comedies.

Where was I? Ah, yes, the talking points: Jones swatted them off like flies, not knowing that he looked totally cold and callous throughout the entire discussion. He was introduced as "the most controversial man in America - maybe the most controversial man in the world!" and that may have set his ego flying. He definitely studied under Fred Phelps. 


He spoke in even tones from a scowl-covered face how he had been "around the world" and spent 30 years as a "missionary " in Europe, omitting the fact that his last "sect" in Europe (Germany) had ousted him with the help of the German government. Evidently the 800-member church could not stand his dictatorial ways. When asked pointedly "What are you trying to prove?" he said it was to "raise awareness" about growing "radical" Islam, Jihad and Sharia law. 


He also compared himself to Rev. Martin Luther King. 


In reference to his burning the Quran: "The Quran is a book, I do not care how holy it is. It is not flesh and blood." Others chimed in that Jones had "blood on his hands" in knowing that burning the sacred scripture of Islam would cause violence. 


"Absolutely not." He reasoned that what people did 7,000 miles away was not related to the burning because radical Muslims always react violently. (I almost interjected at this point: "Get yourself out of the 14th century: today, one word - in any part of the world - can set off a holocaust against any group." The image of me screaming at the computer screen, however, made me look almost as ridiculous as Jones.)


Both the Imam and Rev. Rowe were, in effect, stonewalled by stupidity. Imam Hassan Al-Qazwini's reasoning, while not flawless, was direct and to-the-point: Jones did not know anything about the Quran, Islam or even Christianity. He calmly pointed out that the Quran honors and mentions Jesus Christ numerous times and that Jones dishonored Jesus as well as Mohammad. Pastor Rowe, however, was extremely agitated: "I don’t own your vision of Christianity at all." And later: "He’s lying about Christianity, he’s lying about Martin Luther King and he’s lying about Islam." 


Working On Paranoia

It is ironic that the discussion was held on FOX News channel WJBK-2 Detroit: Rev. Rowe is definitely what can be called a "progressive" Christian, not at all in line with Christian Right leaders like Pat Robertson, James Dobson or Tony Perkins. The Imam's comment about "fringe" groups in Christianity as well as Islam would have been hotly contested. 

Towards the end of the third segment, the Imam was asked why people in America feared Islam. The Imam's answer was simple: "I think they fear Islam because of people like Pastor Terry Jones...he works on their paranoia."


Yes, he does. And this video - a spectacle of stubbornness and stupidity - proves that he will continue to do so. At the end, the viewer will cry or laugh defensively:

A Methodist Minister, a Muslim Imam and a Fred Phelps Impersonator walk into a bar...

Eating The Chocolate Bunny: No Profound Easter Message Inside

It's Tastier Than A Fortune Cookie, 

But Still Leaves You Hungry 

For Something More Meaningful

The triumph of Madison Avenue (advertising) is in its ability to take something so frivolous, so inane, so inconsequential and make it into something universally loved and, therefore, marketable.

Easter is neither frivolous nor inane. And while the concept of a dying-and-rising god has been used before, it is not inconsequential to those who believe it. No, Easter is a joyous, but solemn event, one that affirms a very strong set of beliefs. It is a time of hope and love through God, man and nature.


A rabbit that magically sh*ts colored eggs is frivolous. It is ludicrous. It is totally inconsequential. It is a totally fake, pastel, rendition of spring without even redeeming pagan qualities. With the exception that he represents the Holy Grail of marketing, the Easter Bunny and his milieu do not serve as anything else but icing on a cake that does not exist. He reigns in chocolaty goodness over self-indulgence while sitting on a golden throne of greed. His history as the symbol of fertility has long given way to second-rate graphics illustrators and Beatrice Potter. In meaning, Santa far surpasses this ill-bred hare.


According to historians, the concept of an Easter Bunny originated in the Alsace part of upper Germany. The tradition of children making "nests" for the Spring Equinox (Easter) whereupon the next day they would find brightly colored eggs was brought over by German settlers to the Pennsylvania Dutch settlements and the nests became "baskets" over time. The parallels to Kris Kringle were not lost to the earliest of Madison Avenue habitues: jolly ole' elf and warm fuzzy bunny, both bear gifts to kids (although it may not be wise to ask where the eggs were previously). The retail season also needs a boost at that time, it being after Valentine's Day in that lull before Mother's Day. And the world loves pastels, so dry goods sales can get rid of those awful cottons nixed by current fashionistas.


So even with all the cardboard fakery isn't it fun to indulge in a little innocence? The operative word here is, I believe, indulge. Easter indulgence actually puts Christmas indulgence to shame: the gifts are mostly superfluous and there never seems to be enough sugar-coating. Once I tried to bring some actual creativity into our family's egg-coloring by purchasing large (very large) blown goose eggs and batiking them so that they could be displayed year round, maybe even on the Christmas tree. The result: some unusual eggs by disinterested artists who didn't want to see another batiked egg for a long time... and the Christmas tree never saw an egg.


"Alright, give us a break, it's just a stupid holiday." That's the point: holidays (as in Holy Days) are meant to commemorate, illuminate, and drench us with meanings we are too busy or too distracted to entertain. They exist to give us visions of our lives, magnify them, understand them. Thanksgiving gives us pause to think about our joys. Valentine's Day helps us to consider those around us. St. Patrick's Day instills ethnic pride whatever the background. Mother's and Father's Days bring us closer to parents. Fourth of July engenders not only patriotism, but pride in our national individuality. Memorial Day helps us remember and New Years' Day helps us forget. Labor Day signals the end of summer and the terror of another school year. And speaking of terrors, Halloween helps us laugh at them.

The Easter Bunny holiday not only detracts from the religious holiday, it sucks the meaning out of it like some candied black hole. The image of Christ on the cross being offered a colored egg by the Easter Bunny is funny and shocking at the same time (yes, there is a card for it) but commercialism will always strive for a new low with that fuzzy/furry/white/pink/yellow/lime-green rodent. Maybe the real meaning of Easter and its Bunny is to show us just how off-the-mark we can be with things like holidays.


Then again, maybe there is no meaning to the Easter Bunny because there never was a meaning intended in the first place.


You gonna eat those chocolate ears?

What Will Come (Again) From One Pastor's Insanity? Terry Jones' Plan For Good Friday And The Largest Mosque In America

   ISN'T $100,000 A SMALL PRICE TO PAY 

      FOR MURDER AND MAYHEM?

Pastor Terry Jones has had the longest-running 15 minutes of fame in history, and he won't let up: his plans to protest in front of the country's largest mosque this Friday has re-ignited alarms throughout the country. And nowhere in the country is there more cause for alarm than Dearborn, MI:

DEARBORN, Mich., April 19 (UPI) -- Terry Jones, the Koran-burning Florida pastor, says Detroit-area police and prosecutors are trying to silence him by demanding a $100,000 bond.

Jones plans to visit Dearborn, Mich., which has one of the biggest Muslim populations in the country, on Good Friday, The Detroit News reported. Prosecutors filed a motion Friday requesting he put up a "peace bond" and saying he could cause a riot "complete with discharge of firearms."

The Dearborn police said he should put up $100,000 to cover the cost of overtime, Jones said. He called the move unconstitutional and said he does not plan to pay.

So it has come to this: Jones will have his day come hell or ...


The irony of Jones' latest attempt at publicity has not gone unnoticed simply because Jones intended it to be a rather twisted way of declaring Christianity to be superior to Islam: Good Friday is a day for remembering the ultimate sacrifice. Jones has been disillusioned into thinking that HE is making some kind of sacrifice: his taste of power, coupled with death threats made against him, have goaded him into a self-image as a savior of sorts. No matter that even the group that initially enabled him in his efforts pulled out of the event at the last minute: a group called the Order of the Dragon planned to protest at Dearborn's City Hall on Friday, but canceled after they met with city officials. The group is dedicated to protecting "our country from the rise of radical Islam." They withdrew their request to protest after being told that Dearborn did not in any way practice Sharia Law.


Jones certainly cannot take any comfort in the fact that his planned protest has actually brought religious leaders together:

Metro Detroit religious leaders plan prayer vigils Thursday and Friday to show solidarity against Jones. A prayer event is planned Thursday at the mosque, while another vigil is planned at the Ford Community and Performing Arts Center in Dearborn on Friday before Jones' protest.

It is indeed rare when Christian communities come together to chastise one who is seemingly their own: The Interfaith Leadership Council of Metropolitan Detroit has collected almost 1000 signatures on a petition condemning Jones. The petition reads in part:

We, as caring neighbors in southeastern Michigan, stand together in condemning the actions of those who spew hate and fear, and who misuse and desecrate holy books of faith. Instead we call on people to carry out the best traditions of all religious faiths, embodied in the idea of doing to others as we would have them do to us.

Too Little Too Late?

The sentiments of the petition, although sincere, serve to point out the fact that religious groups rarely, if ever, police their own. In this case, it may have been because no one has come to think of Terry Jones as one of their own. The outcry by the rest of America last September came well after Jones and Fred Phelps had announced that they were burning Qurans. The meme of "he's not one of us" was such a poor slap on the wrist to Jones that he must have perceived - in his arrogant righteousness - that God was surely on his side. 

And he continues to think that way. Remember, Jones is a man who, with an honorary doctorate (from an unaccredited college) parlayed a stay in Germany into a cult which eventually kicked him out because of his un-Christian, dictatorial and arrogant ways, a man who "made himself the center of everything." By now, his self-image is virtually impregnable. 

It may seem disingenuous at this time to place responsibility on anyone else besides Jones. Or moot. But I really must point out that the Joneses and Phelpses of the country are home-grown by the very culture that allows its religious leaders to do whatever they want without sanction. Or, I should say, without REAL sanction. Any form of effective excommunication is considered a sin. 

Now, Jones has the nation once again trembling in fear as to what he will do, when he will do it and how he will do it. He evinced little remorse at the mayhem and deaths related to his last incident. His righteous arrogance has him entrenched and immutable. Jones has been entreated by world leaders before and brushed them aside. Jones has determined if and when people will be hurt and killed. 

"Nothing has changed. Nothing will change," Jones said. "We will definitely be there." 

So what do we do now?