The Twelve Ranters Of Christmas, Or The War On Christmas That Isn't

On The Twelfth Rant Of Christmas My Pastor Sent to me ...

Twelve Bill O'Reillys

Eleven Bryan Fischers

Ten Sean Hannitys

Nine Tony Perkins

Eight Harry Jacksons

Seven Rick Santorums

Six Cindy Jacobs

FIVE HUCK... A... BEEEEES

Four Pat Robertsons

Three Chuck Norrises

Two Rick Perrys

And ...a ...Limbaugh ...with.... Oxy... con... tiiiin

       "These secularists have no clue what it is. They are threatened by it. They can't leave well-enough alone, because it is other people's faith in God that scares them to death. I, for one -- and I hope you're one, too -- refuse to let these people succeed year after year, wearing away the joy and the wonder and the true meaning of this time of year and this marvelous holiday."

 - Rush Limbaugh

The annual "War on Christmas" is ...fizzling. Not because of vicious attacks from the "Secular Left", but from apathy within its own troops. To be sure, the "naughty" list (retailers who say "Happy Holidays") is still put out by the American Family Association, but some of it most stalwart supporters are, well, a bit tired: 

Bill O'Reilly: 

       "Every year I have to deal with assaults against Christmas That does not make me happy. I don’t want to do this. But I, personally? I’m fed up. The people who want to diminish the Christmas federal holiday are insulting me. And they’re insulting you, if you’re a Christian and believe in traditional America."

And the fatigue has given way to more skewed reason, more outlandish attempts to paint everyone, from Obama to poster-child retailer Chic-Fil-A as entities who want to destroy all that is Christmas. For example, Buster Wilson of the American Family Association insists that America's courts are condemning Christmas:

       "I don’t understand, ‘you’re not the majority anymore, this is not a Christian nation and you’ve guys have got to quit trying to cram everything down people’s throats,’ nobody’s trying to cram—look, it is the folks who don’t want us celebrating Christmas that are cramming that view down our throats and using the courts to do it."

The extreme sentiment is now that somehow Christmas is looked upon by non-"Christians" as ...evil:

Mike Huckabee:

        ".... I do believe that there are people who would be very happy if we never, ever said the word Christmas again."

Pat Robertson has become more placid in stating that atheists simply want to "steal" Christmas because they aren't happy and they don't want anyone else to be happy. (see below).

The Devil Is In The Desperation

Unable to separate "Happy Holidays" from its mass appeal, the people at FOX News and the whole of the Christian Right (or so it seems), has created a kind of pathetic hysteria (Gretchen Carlson of FOX asked a guest "Are we crazy for thinking there's a war on Christmas?") - a hysteria which people which the American public is finding to be, well, silly (see below). Even a "Muslim Obama will do away with Christmas" has fallen on deaf ears, and people are scoffing at Chick-fil-A's lack of "Christmas" in its advertising as any kind of apostasy. 

The Real Kabosh

Possibly the ultimate squelch to FOX's War On Christmas spirit was placed by Father Jonathan Morris on, of all places, FOX News:

       "If our Christmas is going to be all about getting upset at people trying to take away Christmas, isn’t that silly too?"

Of course it is, but naming any kind of Christian Right stance "silly" may be silly as well: the CR takes itself all too seriously and Father Morris's days as a commentator on FOX may be numbered.    Never take away The Christian Right's right to be persecuted. 

And Christmas is the perfect time to focus on persecution.

It's a wonder that the Right's media and talking heads haven't mentioned the latest attack in the War on Christmas: the Dalai Lama's proposal of a "Religionless Religion"

Where's The Love?

In times of crisis, America has always put political biases behind and focused on helping rescue, rebuild and repair. During 9/11, I seem to recall that people put aside their political differences and backed George Bush and his efforts to quell the anxiety of the country. It was only until later that suspicions arose concerning the disaster's origins. And even through "Heck-of-a-job, Brownie," we stood by and supported the administration in its weak endeavors.

We felt we had no choice. This is America. We don't bicker while people are hurting. We wait a decent time until the worst is over to take sides, to criticize, to blame.

That moment of constraint evaporated during Hurricane Sandy's onslaught. Actually, it wasn't even there to begin with. There was no "let's stand behind the President at this moment in crisis." There was no feeling of unity. Perhaps it was the timing of the disaster, coming as it did at such a critical juncture of American politics, but the lack of full support for the Obama administration's efforts was telling: the Right still screeched its old tune, the tune that it vowed to keep up since Jan.20, 2009:

"Always be on the attack, no matter what Obama does. Attack the good as well as the bad. Never give up. Never!"

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was roundly mocked and criticized for praising President Obama's efforts to rescue and relieve the people of his state.

Rush Limbaugh: 

"Christie's the only Republican not just praising Obama, it's a -- let's just put it this way. Is it wrong for one man to love another man?But that man love out there is isolated in the state of New Jersey."

Pulling together regardless of political ideologies has always been the American way. Is now the time to determine just who is American...and who is not?

Birthers DEMAND That Obama Birth Certificate Be A Forgery - For The Economic And Political Good Of The Nation!

Disclosure Of Obama Birth Certificate Puts MILLIONS Out Of Work!! Breadlines Begin To Sprout Up!

With the disclosure of President Barack Obama's birth certificate, the REAL conspiracy has come out: create a booming industry of Birthism, then when it's at its height and Presidential candidates attach their stars to the movement, pull the rug out from underneath it all! Ingenious! The stock market will collapse! Birther leaders will be raining onto city pavements! Donald Trump's three hairs will fall out!


OK, so none of that has happened, but give Birthers some credit: they've created a unique industry based on one conspiracy theory and now they have nothing.


Well, almost nothing. Spin doctors and conspiracy-hungry Right Wingnuts are hard at work trying to mold the news into something sustainable or coming up with new theories. From the Washington Post, and Talking Points Memo (Best of the Birthers) we can see Birthers scrambling as if to stabilize themselves after an earthquake:


Orly Taiz - "Queen of the Birthers." She still thinks there's something fishy about the long form because Obama didn't show it until now. She also thinks it might be fake because it stated "African" rather than "Negro" on the long form. She thanked Donald Trump for "forcing the President's hand."


Donald Trump - real estate mogul and reality TV star. He agrees with Orly: he now thinks he has power over Obama. However, on George Stephanopoulos' program last week he said that he's proud of his company and would welcome full disclosure:

TRUMP: I have a great company, I’ve done a great job which I’ve run you’ll see what a great job because I’ll do a full disclosure of finances. STEPHANOPOULOS: Including tax returns? TRUMP: Maybe I’ll do the tax returns when Obama does his birth certificate. 

We're waiting.

Sean Hannity - FOX News pundit, major shill for the Republican Party and "journalist" responsible for "Dijon-Gate". Hannity has stated that he was "birther curious." However, Hannity and FOX kept the birther movement alive by airing it in at least 52 different segments.

Joseph Farah - founder and chief editor of World Net Daily (Or Wing Nut Daily, whichever you prefer)

It would be a big mistake for everyone to jump to a conclusion now based on the release of this document, which raises as many questions than it answers.”

Farah also offers a new spin on the Birther movement and citizenship:

“Now we can have an intelligent discussion about what it means to be a natural born citizen,” Farah said, suggesting in what direction conservatives will now push the issue. “If your father is Kenyan, how are you an American citizen? If your adopted step-father was Indonesian, how are you an American citizen? At best you are a dual-citizen.”

Next up: who was your great, geat grandfather?

Michele Bachmann - Presidential hopeful, House Representative from Minnesota, nicknamed "crazy eyes" by Joe Jervis (Joe.My.God). Bachmann fueled the Birther movement, but sidestepped the issue directly. After all, she doesn't need Birthers, since she's dreamt up some theories of her own: Obama's $900 million-dollar-a-day trip to India, the intrusive and secretive 2010 Census, etc.

Phil Berg - attorney who filed first lawsuit claiming Obama was not a U.S. Citizen. Now he says that the birth certificate is not that important:

Obama may have been born in Hawaii, Berg says, but he renounced his American citizenship when he was adopted by his stepfather Lolo Soetoro while living in Indonesia. Berg claims Obama's Indonesian school records list him as an Islamic Indonesian named Barry Soetoro.

Jerome Corsi - author of new book, Where's the Birth Certificate? Although it hasn't been published yet, the book hit #1 on Amazon. Joseph Farah is publishing the book and plans to go ahead - with no updates or re-edits. Sales should go through the roof - as a "period piece."

Rush Limbaugh - The Bloviator. Even though he fanned the flames of Birtherism, he now claims that HE WARNED PEOPLE that the birth certificate issue was a "dead end" (listen below)

Amidst all the chaos, other Birthers: Matt Drudge (Drudge Report), Chuck Norris, Arizona State Rep. Carl Seel (introduced Birther law) ands Alan Keyes (perennial president candidate).


So now we have a lot of fools who are busy trying not to look like fools. Isn't American politics entertaining as hell?

“The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.”

                                           - Mark Twain

Michelle Obama Sends Pedestrians Across the Country To Untimely Deaths!

That's right! Evil Michelle Obama has finally begun to commit genocide by having every American walk HEADLONG INTO TRAFFIC!

The Washington Examiner:

First lady Michelle Obama’s campaign to get people to exercise outdoors might be a factor in an increase in the number of pedestrian deaths during the first half of last year, according to the Governors Highway Safety Association.

It's all in their master plan, I tell you! Pretending to get America fit! Ha! Vicious attacks on childhood obesity! Scrawny kids mean socialism! 

Just about every First Lady has had some worthy cause to promote: with Jackie Kennedy, it was the rescuing of the White House from Mamie Eisenhower's ubiquitous pink. Lady Bird Johnson wanted us to plant more flowers alongside freeways.  Betty Ford's cause spawned a plethora of alcohol clinics. Rosalind Carter went mental ... ah, went with mental health treatment reform. Nancy Reagan's cause was drugs - anyone else's, that is.  Barbara Bush championed literacy by penning her dog's diary (that's "literacy" not "literature"), Hillary Clinton took up the cause of health care reform before anyone knew about "death panels." Laura Bush kept up her mother-in-law's literacy legacy by trying to prove that her husband could read. Even Dolley Madison had a worthy cause: ice cream.*   

Whatever the cause, however, no First Lady has ever been castigated for it...until Michelle Obama's cause: childhood obesity and national fitness. A worthy, if innocuous, cause you say? No, say some on the Right. The latest accusations bandy about the words "nanny state" "incredibly insulting to parents." and now "killing pedestrians."  When caught eating a barbecued spare rib, Michelle Obama was looked upon as a hypocrite by the biggest one of all: Rush Limbaugh. 

"Leaders are supposed to be leaders. If we are supposed to eat roots, berries and tree bark, show us how."
"Our First Lady does not project the image of women you might see on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue!"

Of course, comments like that have sparked a host of criticisms against Limbaugh, Bachmann, Mitt Romney and others who have taken pot shots at the First Lady. The comments are ludicrous, of course, but the real problems attached to these comments are that they are cheap shots, and smell of the "let's get Obama and the whole family or else!" 

Glenn Beck has made no bones about the fact that he hates and mocks the entire Obama family. Now with Limbaugh and certain politicos jumping on the "tear down anything" bandwagon, who knows who or what will be targeted next. 

Nasty is as nasty does. 

*On the history of ice cream, wikipedia:

One respected history of ice cream states that, as the wife of U.S. President James Madison, she served ice cream at her husband's Inaugural Ball in 1813.

Dumpster Diving Daddy: Limbaugh Belly-flops Into Well-Deserved Outrage!

"There's the Dollar Menu at McDonald's and 

if they don't have Chicken McNuggets, 

dial 911 and ask for Obama."

8:30PM (PT)

Until now, Michael Savage's comments on autistic children rated #1 for idiotic tastelessness. Not to be outdone, however, Rush Limbaugh has finally come up with something so tasteless that it almost defies description.

Of course, it's covering the net, fomenting like pond scum, (or BP's gift to America). EVERYONE's writing about it. And in joining the pack, I feel like one of the torch-bearing villagers in Frankenstein.  I can't help it. I'm swept away by the fear and loathing Limbaugh loves to engender. Perhaps that's the reason I hate Rush Limbaugh so much: he MAKES me hate him and laughs when I become one of the villagers.

And he laughs at his own listeners. Last September, he boasted about his wealth ($400m and counting) and said he didn't see any recession. Some of his "faithful" must have winced at that one. But now people all over the country are wincing. More than wincing. Liberal America is foaming at the mouth (I know I am!). This latest will set Limbaugh over any BP headline. Just as Limbaugh intended. Because he knows that as long as you provide the American public with entertainment, you will be a man of extreme power.

So thus has Limbaugh provided us with a sideshow of incredible entertainment: WHO will be the first right-winger to denounce him? WHO will be the first suicidal right-winger to defend him? And WHO will simply remain silent? Like his cohort, Glen Beck, Rush Limbaugh has managed to turn the mocking of children into a political circus. Another thought: WHO among today's "socially conservative" preachers and Religious Right will dare to defend him? Bryan Fischer might. Tony Perkins might. Pat Robertson might, although people would just blame his escalating senility. Michele Bachmann might, but then she may not know who Rush Limbaugh is. That woman's pathetically clueless.

Will Limbaugh get away with it? Of course. His following will accept his deepest apologies. And if he doesn't apologize, there will be this litany of triteness:

"That's just Limbaugh."

"He doesn't speak for us."

"Just another blowhard"

"He probably didn't mean it."

"You've read him all wrong."

"Beck's just as bad."

"Don't pay any attention. He doesn't have any power."

And the ones who OWE Limbaugh some support will be fun to watch in the ensuing bruhaha:  like Sarah Palin. He said  that her book, Going Rogue, was "One Of The Most Substantive Policy Books I've Read." Palin can't be ungrateful for such valuable praise by telling the country that he's a vicious, heartless scumbag. 

Within hours the circus will begin. How long this incident will remain on the front page will be up to Limbaugh and his response. He knows how to work a crowd.

There Is NO War On Christmas! Jesus Told Me So!

Actually, He said:

"Huh? What War On Christmas?
Are Limbaugh And O'Reilly At It AGAIN?"

I decorated the Christmas tree tonight. Like a cartoon character, I got tangled in lights, needed a new power strip, and had to race to Walgreens to get more white lights. As with most American households, I wanted my Christmas tree to look perfect: it was not going to look as if it had swallowed all the colored lights first. I was organized and resourceful last year, so there were no real surprises when I opened all of the other Christmas Crud boxes. It had me feeling a little gypped, to tell you the truth. What's Christmas like without sifting through bad ornaments to look for good ones? Moreover, what's Christmas like without all of the beautiful, tacky, cheap, glitzy, poignant, crass decorations we've acquired through the years?

Christmas trees and their decorations can be the mirrors of our true selves: we prominently display the best ornaments in the front while we place the crappy ones (or, just not as beautiful) in the back. I remember one particular ornament that never made it to the front: a flat, brown teddy bear dressed as a nurse. And it was sticking its red tongue out. It took a change of partners for me to get rid of the strange thing. But that's the thing about Christmas - the sentiment is so strong that you never throw out even the worst, most threadbare, tarnished, half-broken ornaments. Why?

Because at Christmastime, even the battered and ugly ornaments seem to have souls.

Today I read another article about the "War On Christmas" instigated by the sacred cows of the Christian Right. Is saying "Merry Christmas" so important that today's right-wing talk show bloviators and pulpit pimps have taken to ostracizing those who say "Happy Holidays?" Over the years, the concept of Christmas has transcended the birthday celebration of a religious icon. Perhaps that's why the Christian Right is furious over the inclusion of everyone into the "season of giving": the ideology of "Peace On Earth, Good Will Towards Men" has overshadowed the babe in the manger and they feel slighted. After all, they are a self-righteously arrogant lot that keeps reminding us that they have cornered the market on goodness ("It's the Christian thing to do!").

And they certainly don't want other holidays to be mixed in with theirs! "Why, saying 'Happy Holidays' instead of 'Merry Christmas' is downright sacrilegious! It's positively un-American! Christmas is a Christians Only holiday! Exclusivity is our right!

But who knew that such an exclusive holiday would become a worldwide peacekeeper (if only for one day)? Who knew that one day out of the year would garner hosts of goodwill and, most important of all, compassion? Can't the Christian Right be a bit more generous with one of their core philosophies? Then again, they seem to be a people fixated with their own persecution: "War on Christmas" "War against Marriage" "War against the Unborn." But who's going to tell them that there is no "War" except for the one they themselves are waging against inclusion?

Are they the only ones who discard old, unwanted Christmas tree decorations?

Yes, there is a war: on inclusion, on open-mindedness, on universal acceptance. Today's family values include more people in the family than any Christian Right family reunion picnic. "Extended" families are just that: strongly bonded extensions of the core, whatever that core may be. And today's Christmas recognizes the love between individuals more than ever before. That, of course, makes the Christian Right seethe in rage. To them, the meaning of Christmas is only about their ideals and the way they want to see those ideals performed.

So if The Christian Right is involved in a war, the only war it is fighting is the "War on Universal Love."

Thanks for reading.

Dan Vojir

PS:
For all my friends and readers I have a small, homemade Holiday gift created with the help of my late love of gardening. It's a series of photos I pasted together for several of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker melodies. The last one is performed for you by the San Francisco Faerie Portal. It depicts how the faeries magically celebrate Christmas Eve.

All the flowers of our home
and the faeries of the portal wish you all
the Happiest of Holidays!

When Violent People Come Out Of The Woodwork

“If we’re going to ask why did he do it, knowing full well that he’s in the same mosque in 2001 with the radical preacher going nuts, we’re going to also [laughter] have to believe that the guy was just like Obama, and didn’t hear Rev. Wright’s words when he was in his church.”

-Rush Limbaugh on the shooting at Fort Hood

Inflammatory rhetoric is bad even in the best of times. But when let loose on the general populace during a time of religious and racial tension, it can be catastrophic.

From The Daily Beast

A year after President Obama's election, hate groups are feeling bolder than they have in over a decade, and their usually insular anger is beginning to spill into the public realm. This weekend, the National Socialist Movement, a neo-Nazi organization, held rallies in Arizona and Minnesota. Those demonstrations came on the heels of similar actions in Southern California, where epithet-spewing white supremacists were forced to disband by rock-throwing counter-protesters.

So, who fuels the hate groups? Rush Limbaugh certainly. Glenn Beck definitely. Christofascists? No brainer. Yesterday, I mentioned the event to take place in Washington led by "Pastor" Gary Cass:

Right Wing Watch

The legislation explicitly protects religious freedom and freedom of speech, but "does not protect speech, conduct or activities consisting of planning for, conspiring to commit, or committing an act of violence." So if they intend to preach that homosexuality is sinful, that is not much of a challenge, as that sort of speech is clearly protected.

But since they obviously intend for this protest to be a direct challenge to hate crimes protections, that really only leaves them one option: demanding death for gays.

Of course, there's "Rev." "Dr." James David Manning, whose tirades of late smack of outright treason. No matter that he has fewer people in his congregation than he can promote without embarrassment, but he's hoping that more than several of them pull the trigger on Obama. "If Obama lives, America dies." Yes, an outrageous and stupid statement for a pastor to make, then again, it's no less stupid than some of his "seminary" courses (the one on Aliens, I hear, is the most hysterical)

Our dear, dear conspiracy theorist, Pat Robertson, recently stated:

You know, there’s a law – what about a law that says it’s a federal crime to attack somebody because of his religious beliefs? Not a chance!

Robertson's senility is REALLY out of control:

“IN GENERAL.—Whoever, whether or not acting under color of law, in any circumstance described in subparagraph (B) or paragraph (3), willfully causes bodily injury to any person or, through the use of fire, a firearm, a dangerous weapon, or an explosive or incendiary device, attempts to cause bodily injury to any person, because of the actual or perceived religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability of any person—

From The Rally For Religious Freedom:

A letter from Matt Staver of Liberty Council will be presented to Attorney General Eric Holder that expresses our concerns about the many unconstitutional aspects of the hate crime bill. Specific legal challenges also may be announced then.

Remember Mat Staver? He's the one who came up with a looooong list of fantasies about the Healthcare Bill.

And with what happened in Fort Hood, Muslims will become the "sinners du jour"
So what can we deduce from all of this? People who want to inflict harm on other people will be multiplying and gathering steam, like the villagers in Frankenstein, goaded by the likes of Manning, Robertson, Staver, Beck, Cass and Limbaugh. Gary Cass better make sure that not too many swastikas are photographed behind him when he calls for blood.