The Twelve Ranters Of Christmas, Or The War On Christmas That Isn't

On The Twelfth Rant Of Christmas My Pastor Sent to me ...

Twelve Bill O'Reillys

Eleven Bryan Fischers

Ten Sean Hannitys

Nine Tony Perkins

Eight Harry Jacksons

Seven Rick Santorums

Six Cindy Jacobs

FIVE HUCK... A... BEEEEES

Four Pat Robertsons

Three Chuck Norrises

Two Rick Perrys

And ...a ...Limbaugh ...with.... Oxy... con... tiiiin

       "These secularists have no clue what it is. They are threatened by it. They can't leave well-enough alone, because it is other people's faith in God that scares them to death. I, for one -- and I hope you're one, too -- refuse to let these people succeed year after year, wearing away the joy and the wonder and the true meaning of this time of year and this marvelous holiday."

 - Rush Limbaugh

The annual "War on Christmas" is ...fizzling. Not because of vicious attacks from the "Secular Left", but from apathy within its own troops. To be sure, the "naughty" list (retailers who say "Happy Holidays") is still put out by the American Family Association, but some of it most stalwart supporters are, well, a bit tired: 

Bill O'Reilly: 

       "Every year I have to deal with assaults against Christmas That does not make me happy. I don’t want to do this. But I, personally? I’m fed up. The people who want to diminish the Christmas federal holiday are insulting me. And they’re insulting you, if you’re a Christian and believe in traditional America."

And the fatigue has given way to more skewed reason, more outlandish attempts to paint everyone, from Obama to poster-child retailer Chic-Fil-A as entities who want to destroy all that is Christmas. For example, Buster Wilson of the American Family Association insists that America's courts are condemning Christmas:

       "I don’t understand, ‘you’re not the majority anymore, this is not a Christian nation and you’ve guys have got to quit trying to cram everything down people’s throats,’ nobody’s trying to cram—look, it is the folks who don’t want us celebrating Christmas that are cramming that view down our throats and using the courts to do it."

The extreme sentiment is now that somehow Christmas is looked upon by non-"Christians" as ...evil:

Mike Huckabee:

        ".... I do believe that there are people who would be very happy if we never, ever said the word Christmas again."

Pat Robertson has become more placid in stating that atheists simply want to "steal" Christmas because they aren't happy and they don't want anyone else to be happy. (see below).

The Devil Is In The Desperation

Unable to separate "Happy Holidays" from its mass appeal, the people at FOX News and the whole of the Christian Right (or so it seems), has created a kind of pathetic hysteria (Gretchen Carlson of FOX asked a guest "Are we crazy for thinking there's a war on Christmas?") - a hysteria which people which the American public is finding to be, well, silly (see below). Even a "Muslim Obama will do away with Christmas" has fallen on deaf ears, and people are scoffing at Chick-fil-A's lack of "Christmas" in its advertising as any kind of apostasy. 

The Real Kabosh

Possibly the ultimate squelch to FOX's War On Christmas spirit was placed by Father Jonathan Morris on, of all places, FOX News:

       "If our Christmas is going to be all about getting upset at people trying to take away Christmas, isn’t that silly too?"

Of course it is, but naming any kind of Christian Right stance "silly" may be silly as well: the CR takes itself all too seriously and Father Morris's days as a commentator on FOX may be numbered.    Never take away The Christian Right's right to be persecuted. 

And Christmas is the perfect time to focus on persecution.

It's a wonder that the Right's media and talking heads haven't mentioned the latest attack in the War on Christmas: the Dalai Lama's proposal of a "Religionless Religion"

Pray-Away-The-Gay And Ex-Gay Voodoo Get SHOKed By Rep. Jackie Spier ... And Sued by The SPLC

Is this the end of the Self-Loathing Industry?

The Southern Poverty Law Center filed a first-of-its-kind lawsuit today accusing a New Jersey organization of consumer fraud for offering conversion therapy services – a dangerous and discredited practice that claims to convert people from gay to straight.

I knew a man who, when he told his parents he was gay, his mother said "we'd rather be burying you today than hear this." For them he had already undergone shock treatments and intense psychological therapy. For them he had gotten married and had fathered five children. Yet he still could not deny who he was. 

He was honest with himself ... and lucky: he weathered the depression that comes with failure to change something innate.

The Self-Loathing Industry

Whether it's listed as legitimate "reparative therapy" or (more to-the-point) "pray away the gay" counseling, an attempt to "cure" a person's sexual orientation is part of an industry that is very real, very forceful, ... and very harmful. Like forcefully banging one's head repeatedly against a stone wall, it eventually results in damage that can be life-threatening. It can be fatal: attempts at suicide are common among people who undergo such therapy.

And yet there is irony in the damage: therapists often point to suicidal attempts as a "symptom" of being gay: the Family Research Council often cites depression as a part of homosexuality and that gays are "naturally" prone to depression because they know they are not right (with God). The Self-Loathing Industry promoted by "family values" groups can be self-sustaining, feeding upon the very depression it creates.

The kingpin of the Self-Loathing Industry is undoubtedly one Joseph Nicolosi, founder of NARTH (National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality), while the wikipedia entry for Dr. Nicolosi has been considerably cleaned up in the last year, the SPLC (Southern Poverty Law Center) has had some choice words for Nicolosi - "endlessly confrontational" - and roundly disputes NARTH's other "experts" and "researchers":

"In 1995, for example, NARTH featured Scott Lively, co-author of The Pink Swastika: Homosexuality in the Nazi Party, at its annual conference. Lively’s book argues that the Nazi Party recruited gay men because of their inherent savagery and that gay men largely orchestrated the Holocaust — a claim roundly rejected by all reputable historians. NARTH has also promoted the work of Paul Cameron, who remains director of the Family Research Institute despite being ejected from the American Psychological Association and the American Sociological Association (ASA). The ASA declared, “Dr. Cameron has consistently misinterpreted and misrepresented sociological research on sexuality, homosexuality, and lesbianism.”Nicolosi's patent blaming of homosexuality on parents ("Fathers, if you don't hug your sons, some other man will") has caused the APA to chastise him repeatedly and he has had some time keeping his APA membership as well as memberships in other professional organizations. Like Paul Cameron, his approach is often referred to as 'junk science.'"

And like junk food, junk science can be harmful - even violent: some "therapies" involve confrontational beating of objects representing both parents. Beating your mother, it seems, has therapeutic value. 

Preventing More Damage

While the Self-Loathing Industry has been around a long time (remember all those "self-help" books?*), it did not reach its zenith until the Christian Right settled on it as a means to "eradicate" homosexuality while claiming that its concern was for the homosexual. Organizations like NARTH and Exodus sprang up, clinics like Marcus Bachmann's suggested that there was a "cure" through prayer and "cured" couples were advertised in all media. The web of fraudulent claims, however, began to unravel when "ex-gay" poster boy John Paulk was discovered in a gay bar. Then Exodus admitted that homosexuality is not a "choice" and that there was no "cure." Compounded with reports of increased client depression, suicides and warnings from the APA, the stance of the Self-Loathing Industry became rocky.

Now lawmakers are stepping in to prevent kids from going into dangerous therapy, egged on by their unaccepting, desperate parents: California recently passed a law that no one under 18 may be subjected to reparative therapy. And now:

"In response to tragic examples of the harmful psychological abuse inflicted on young people through dangerous sexual orientation conversion practices, also known as reparative therapy to convert or “repair” an individual’s sexual orientation, Congresswoman Jackie Speier (D-San Francisco/San Mateo) will introduce the Stop Harming Our Kids (SHOK) resolution on Wednesday, November 28. At a 10:00 a.m. press conference, she will discuss the resolution and her efforts to investigate whether taxpayer funds have been used to reimburse therapists for this discredited and ineffective practice through the federal Medicaid or TRICARE healthcare programs."

Along with the ground-breaking lawsuit brought on by the SPLC (above), it appears as if the Self-Loathing Industry may be on its last legs. But appearances in cases of social acceptance can be deceiving: the Christian Right is putting its full weight against such legislation and cries from the pulpit will be heard for a long time.

The Battle For The Self Loathing Industry may have just begun. 

* The most classic response to self-help mania came from Calvin & Hobbes:

Calvin: "I'm writing a self-help book! There's a huge market for this stuff. First, you convince people there's something wrong with them. That's easy because advertising has already conditioned people to feel insecure about their height, their weight, looks, social status, sex appeal and so on.
Next, you convince them that the problem is not their fault. Finally, you convince them that with your expert advice they can conquer their problem.
Hobbes: Ingenious. What problem will you help people solve?
Calvin: Their addiction to self-help books! My book is called "Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About Yourself." The trouble is...if my program works, I won't be able to write a sequel.

Ex-Gay Therapy Gets Hit In The Pocketbook

I've long said that the way to fight hate groups is to bankrupt them and this news may be the forerunner to events leading tom the demise of ex-gay therapy:

The Southern Poverty Law Center filed a first-of-its-kind lawsuit today accusing a New Jersey organization of consumer fraud for offering conversion therapy services – a dangerous and discredited practice that claims to convert people from gay to straight.

It also names the total jerk Joseph Nicolosi and his "therapy" techniques.

The Last Great Moral Hypocrisy Scandal Of The Year? Family Values Attorney Charged With Sexual Abuse And Production Of Child Pornography!

Checklist for moral hypocrisy:

• Child Exploitation
• Child Pornography
• Drug Possession
• Illegal Gun Possession

...And Promoting It Child Pornography On Craigslist

But on facebook, she listed the Bible as her favorite book, so all should be forgiven, OK?

"A New Hampshire attorney associated with an anti-gay group of "Christian" lawyers, is facing federal charges that she took a teenage girl to Canada and convinced her to engage in sexual activity and to let it be filmed."

Defending "Family Values" gets tougher with every hypocritical scandal: Lisa Biron, a prominent attorney for the Alliance Defending Freedom (formerly the Alliance Defense Fund) was recently arrested by the FBI and charged with seven counts of child exploitation, transporting a child for illegal sexual conduct, possession of child pornography and production of child pornography. Witnesses have testified that she has also been in possession of ecstasy, marijuana and cocaine.

Guess the ADF is a bit embarrassed, huh?

Ah, but the Lisa Biron case gets even more embarrassing: she was previously charged with possession of child pornography and while waiting for trial, a gun was discovered in her apartment, prompting the judge to deny bail. She also allegedly sent a threatening text message to one of the witnesses.

Super embarrassed.
By a super sinner...
by a super hypocrite ...and a super idiot: she advertised the child pornography on Craigslist. 

Whether or not she will be defended by the Alliance Defending Freedom remains to be seen, since she is pleading not guilty, but so far it seems as if the ADF wants to forget about her as quickly as possible: her profile and association with Alliance Defending Freedom has been expunged from its website.

Unfortunately, the ADF couldn't expunge everything about Lisa Biron: In Concord, she worked with the ADF in defending a Pentecostal church in its tax fight against the city , and in Manchester, NH, she served on the board of directors at Mount Zion Christian Schools.

On facebook, Biron also cited her favorite book: The Bible.

Hypocrisy At It Best

Not since the outing of Pastor Ted Haggard with a male prostitute (along with alleged possession of crystal meth) has the Christian Right suffered such a set-back in terms of demonstrating "family values." Although the year was laden with scandals and rotten rhetoric* this last jewel in the crown of hypocrisy shines brighter than most. And yet the Christian Right (let alone the Alliance Defending Freedom) has yet to respond sufficiently. The incident, like many others, is being swept under the proverbial moral rug. It may be up to the media to keep it in the public eye - a media that the Christian Right will be quick to blame as "left wind" in its dogged determination to reveal the truth: extreme hypocrisy exists within the realms of the Almighty Right.

The ADF

The hypocrisy, of course, lies in the stance that the ADF (Founded by James Dobson and Focus on the Family) has taken in the culture wars: " ...to keep the door open for the spread of the Gospel by transforming the legal system and advocating for religious liberty, the sanctity of life, and marriage and family." In other words: the high moral road. As the Alliance Defense Fund, it was instrumental in litigating through the morass of appeals for California's Proposition 8 (unfortunately, doing a rather poor job on almost all counts). It was supposedly stocked with the best of Pat Robertson's Regent University School of Law. And it recently proffered advice to clerks in the sates of Maine, Maryland and Washington how to avoid issuing marriage licences to same-sex couples so as not to "violate their consciences."

After this latest situation, however, the ADF has a lot of 'splainin' to do.

It won't, of course.

* - After while introducing Primary Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum, Pastor Dennis Terry tells all of the "naysaying" liberals to "get out!" of the country.
 - Pastor Sean Harris told his congregation to "crack that wrist" of any four-year-old who showed homosexual tendencies.
 - Pastor Charles Worley tells his congregation the country should put homosexuals behind an "electrified fence" to die off.

- Bryan Fischer warned CNN viewers that gays were the founders of the Nazi Party.

Will There Be Salvation For The Executive Director Grinch Who Stole $2M Worth Of Toys ... From The Salvation Army?

Probably not, but subsequent donations vindicate toy makers' greed.
Thefts of Salvation Army kettles during the Christmas season have been rampant for years, but this inside job surely takes the cake for sheer Grinchieness:

"TORONTO – The former executive director of a Salvation Army facility has been charged in the alleged massive theft of thousands of toys and donations from the charity's Toronto warehouse.Staff Insp. Tony Riviere said Monday David Rennie, 51, is charged with theft, possession of stolen goods and breach of trust and will appear in court on Jan. 4.The Salvation Army announced the theft last week, saying up to 100,000 items worth about $2 million were allegedly stolen from the facility in Toronto's North End over nearly two years."

'Tis the season to give..and receive, or so David Rennie thought ... for almost two years. After a devastating disaster and fire hit the Salvation Army warehouse in Toronto, Rennie was hired as executive director to help clean up. Instead, he cleaned out: diverting over 100,000 toys, bikes, strollers and foodstuffs to another warehouse he rented. Over 146 pallets were discovered. Some bikes donated by the mayor of Toronto were discovered among the donations. He wasn't alone in this massive theft, and police are looking for further suspects. He turned himself in to police four days after he was fired and the theft made public.

Poor guy, he was probably just trying to get that ONE Christmas toy his kids were hollering for.

The city of Toronto has been in shock for the last 5 days, with people wondering how many children could have had much needed toys or strollers ...or food. It's the most Grinch-like theft to hit North America in decades. But while the city reeled, two toy makers sprang into action, donating more than $350,000 worth of toys:

"Within days of the theft being made public, several companies offered large donations to the Salvation Army’s annual Christmas toy drive. Spinmaster Toys donated $100,000, while Hasbro Canada pledged $250,000 in toys to CTV’s Toy Mountain, which collects toys that are then passed on to the Salvation Army."

Is There No Soul Left In Christmas?

The massive theft brought out about the risky side of donating to some charities: they may be based on a benevolent Christian God, but they are still subject to human greed, and the officials have to steel themselves for the possibility of theft at all levels. Yes, it is a sad commentary, but the fact is that hypocrisy (saying you are "Christian" while not practicing the tenets of Christianity) has ruled for a very long time in today's religious enclaves and failure to recognize that fact makes all faith-based charities vulnerable. In Catholic circles, priests and bishops have been caught with their hands in the collection box; in televangelist media, fraud is rampant*; scam artists abound in the form of prosperity gospel preachers. 

And for those who want the money, Christmas is just another fruitful holiday.

Keeping It Local

For the donor, the best way to donate, may be to donate as locally as possible. Of course, operations like the Salvation Army have local chapters such as the one for Toronto, but the more local a charity is, the better it can be tracked as to how much of your dollars are actually going directly to the people who need them most. Diligence is the key.

We can't always depend upon big corporations to step in during a crisis. 




*Remember that Pat Robertson almost landed in jail for fraud: asking people to donate for relief operations to Zaire while having Operation Blessing planes ferry his mining equipment.

If Ugandans Get Their Christmas Wish Of "Death To Gays", How Many American Evangelicals Will Also Make Merry?

Which One Is Santa Claus - The Christian Right Or Born-Again Ugandans?

"Speaker, we cannot sit back while such (a) destructive phenomenon is taking place in our nation," the activists said in a petition. "We therefore, as responsible citizens, feel duty-bound to bring this matter to your attention as the leader of Parliament ... so that lawmakers can do something to quickly address the deteriorating situation in our nation."

The "destructive phenomenon" is, of course, homosexuality. At least according to the Ugandan Parliament. And it hopes to eradicate it before Christmas as a "Christmas present" to Christian Ugandans. After all, the Christian anti-gay clerics asked for one. Speaker Rebecca Kadaga told The Associated Press that Ugandans "are demanding it." "Everyone" wants the "Kill the gays" bill to pass.

But who, exactly, is "everyone"?

"Everyone"

The imprint of American Christian Evangelicals on Uganda is so bold that all you have to do is look to the surface of the country - embodied in Madame Museveni. Her husband may be the titular born-again Christian head as President, but Janet Museveni is the country's spiritual and societal soul. She is also a born-again Christian, but more importantly, she is the conduit through which the American Christian Right passed its homophobia on to an uneducated country. She was certainly instrumental in having Pastor Rick Warren declare Uganda to be a "Purpose Driven Country" (whatever that is). It is doubtful that people like Scott Lively would have ever gotten to first base with the country's leaders without her influence.

wikipedia:

"From 5 to 8 March 2009, a workshop took place in Kampala, the capital of Uganda, that featured three American evangelical Christians: Scott Lively, an author who has written several books opposing homosexuality; Caleb Lee Brundidge, a self-professed former gay man who conducts sessions to heal homosexuality; and Don Schmierer, a board member of Exodus International, an organisation devoted to promoting "freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ".[14] The theme of the conference, according to The New York Times, was the "gay agenda": "how to make gay people straight, how gay men often sodomized teenage boys and how 'the gay movement is an evil institution' whose goal is 'to defeat the marriage-based society and replace it with a culture of sexual promiscuity' ".

The hand of the Family Research Council's chief "researcher" Paul Cameron was clearly seen in the rhetoric:

"Homosexuals are at least 12 times more likely to molest children than heterosexuals; homosexual teachers are at least 7 times more likely to molest a pupil; homosexual teachers are estimated to have committed at least 25 percent of pupil molestation; 40 percent of molestation assaults were made by those who engage in homosexuality."

It is alleged that American "prophet" Lou Engle also encouraged the criminalization of homosexuality and the death penalty (although he has denied the latter, he has never denied that he would prefer homosexuals to be placed in prison.)

Provisions of the bill:

Death penalty:

- to repeat offenders of homosexuals acts
- to people who engage in homosexual acts with a minor
- to people who are suspected of "aggravated homosexuality" and have HIV

Prison sentence:

- to those suspected of homosexual activity
- to those who do not report homosexual activity within 24 hours
- to those suspected of "promoting" homosexuality
- to anyone who aids and/or abets a homosexual (e.g. renting to to a homosexual)

In addition:

- all people suspected of homosexual activity and arrested must undergo HIV testing.
- former residents suspected of homosexuality may be extradited and sentenced.

It perhaps the provision of "promoting" and "reporting" that have caused an era of savage chaos in Uganda even before the legislation takes hold: people "report" their enemies and anyone suspected of being a social liberal could be judged a "promoter". Neighbors have been going door-to-door to weed out "abominations". Activist David Kato was bludgeoned to death. Anglican Bishop Senyonjo was punished for accepting gays.* 

A Great Christmas Gift That Keeps On Giving!

In the almost surreal world of African Christianity, replete with armies and witch-hunters, it should be no surprise that Uganda has held steadfast against international pressure to shelve the bill. Museveni himself said that he would withdraw from treaties and the United Nation's Declaration of Human Rights if necessary. So it seems that the "gift" of the "Kill the gays" bill might give the nation of Uganda something else: admonition and isolation from the international community. 

It will certainly give a gift to people like Tony Perkins: something to crow about.

*Expelled from Uganda and stripped of his pension by the Church.

Q.: What Would The Holy Republic of Christianland Look Like? A: A Lot Like Texas.

And it would certainly save the rest of us from the "We're-So-Persecuted" bunch.

Over 50,000 people have signed petitions to secede from the Union. Good. Great! FANTASTIC! Just think of what the United States wouldn't be burdened with any longer: Hell Houses. And no more Patriot Movement, no gay teen suicides, no more misogyny, no more Islamophobia. Neither would there be any SPLC or ACLU, since they wouldn't be necessary. And no more Newt Gingrichs, Karl Roves, Mike Huckabees, Bryan Fischers, Tony Perkinses, Michele Bachmanns, Ann Coultergeists, Michele Malkins or Franklin Grahams. 

And no more Glen Becks.

Instead, there would be absolute "from" freedoms: from religion, from proselytizing, from intolerance, from righteous arrogance, from bigotry, from misogyny, and from all the social phobias. And "to" freedoms: to marry and  to say "Happy Holidays". Why, America could get to work at being a truly wonderful nation dedicated to love and peace.

Hey, we can dream, can't we?

The recent spate of petitions and buzz about secession can be clearly seen in this interactive geopolitical map. And it's not surprising as to where most of it is concentrated: Texas The state that has always had elephantiasis of the ego is the state that has toyed with the idea of secession for over a hundred years. It is the epitome of Barack Obama's "guns and Bibles" set, a place where Gary Cass ("You can't be a Christian and don't own a gun.") would feel more than safe and comfortable. It is a place that cheers it's record of executions. It is a place where megachurches and Fundamentalist theology rule, largely through a governor who calls together strictly Christian prayer rallies. 

Ten days ago, opining on the differences of the electorate (Obama being demonspawn, of course), Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association suggested that a wall be built between socially conservative (Christian Right) America and the rest of country. He also suggested that people would be digging tunnels under the wall trying to get to "our" side, being, of course, more prosperous - and righteous. 

Right. 

What Would Christianland Look Like?

If Texas and its far Right minions seceded from the United States of America, it would, of course, be the dream of David Barton: it would be a "Christian ONLY Nation." The term "Christian" would have difficulty in definition and there would be in-fighting among people like Catholic bishops, John (Rome is the whore of Babylon") Hagee, and Cindy Jacobs (who goes around smashing statues of Catholic saints). Pat Robertson, who said that he didn't have to be nice to Methodists and Episcopalians ("spirit of the Anti-Christ") might have difficulty living amid non-charismatics, but once the unsavory elements of "True Christianity" have been rooted out, the country might have these demographics and pertinent data:

Ethnicity: 90% White, 8% African-American, 2% Hispanic (well, it does live right next to Mexico)
Christian Denomination: 60% Southern Baptist, 10% Assemblies of God, 10% Pentecostal, 5% Roman Catholic, 15% Non-denominational Bible-Thumper.
Population: 15 million plus the entire Dugger family.
State Bird: Raptor-hawk
State Motto: "In R.J. Rushdooney* We Trust"
Primary exports: oil, guns, Bibles, televangelists and righteous arrogance

Primary Media: Glen Beck, FOX News (w/Mike Hucakbee), World Net Daily, Washington Times (for international/foreign news), Christian Broadcasting Network, Trinity Broadcasting Network.
Chief Institutions of Higher Learning: Regent University, Liberty University, Bob Jones University, Glen Beck University

Government:

President:  Rick Perry     Vice President:   Mike Huckabee
Cabinet Members:
Secretary of State: George W. Bush
Secretary Of Defense: Erik Prince (of Blackwater infamy)
Secretary of Education and Home Schooling: David Barton
Secretary of Homeland Security: Chuck Norris
Secretary of Family Values: Tony Perkins
Secretary of Commerce: Mitt Romney (with special dispensation to his Mormonism by Dallas Pastor Robert Jeffress)
Secretary of Religious Affairs: co-Secretaries Cindy Japan-is-shaped-like-a-dragon Jacobs, and San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordeleone
Secretary of Propaganda: Bryan Fischer
Secretary of the Interior: Michele Bachmann
Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff: Pat Robertson

Chief Justice of the Supreme Court: Antonin Scalia

Undersecretaries would include: Joel Osteen, Ken Copeland, Rod Parsley, John Hagee, T.D. Jakes, Scott Lively. 

Imagining what a meeting of government's top officers would look like damages the brain, but you have to admit it would make a great sitcom.** 

Seriously. Seriously?

While we can poke fun at the machinations of the Christofascist Right, the matter of secession points out that they have made enough inroads in the country's Great Division to command some fear -  if not respect. In a country that needs unification now more than ever, the big CR is not about to compromise and is best left alone - and far away - to lick its wounds from the election. Separation and isolation can be good things: the CR could be contained and politely asked ...

...to leave the rest of humanity alone.

Just a thought.


*Founder of the Reconstructionist movement and agent provocateur of American theocracy.
** A reality show would too surreal.