Combat Satan With Rapture Kitty's "Post Non-Rapture Reading List" - Seriously!

OK, we've had enough laughs to fill a black hole. We've gone to "rapture parties" across the country. We've heard more about Harold Camping than we care to know. 

Now what? 

We can be compassionate and reach out to those people whose lives (and faith) were destroyed by believing in an isolated, totally ignorant ideology. By reaching out, however, I don't mean we should become like God's Ambulance Chasers (evangelicals who prey on disaster victims); instead, I mean we should offer them education. 

Camping, 89, said of the rapture in a May 11 interview with New York magazine, "The Bible has every word in the original language – it was written by God. Incidentally, no churches believe that at all, they don't hold the Bible in the high respect that it ought to be."

If Satan has an arsenal, literalism is probably his weapon of choice: it closes minds faster and locks them up tighter than any other evil strategy man could ever invent. Fundamentalist leaders know this to be true, which is why they always seek out the uneducated or the spiritually lazy: literalism ensures control. 

Victims of literalism, whether through loss of home or loss of faith, need to know that there are minds - accessible minds - that do not talk down to them, give them panaceas, nor promise to restore their faith. Today's biblical scholars, textual critics, historians and theologians are not hiding in some dank, dusty library (although many cannot be found in Christian bookstores, either), but in mainstream  bookstores and on the net. Of course, some Fundamentalist preachers will go so far as to ban them from becoming ancillary material in Bible Study classes, dismissing them as "pop culture" books not worthy of study. An author's expertise, published works, or educational pedigree are never considered. 

But if your minister balks against you reading the works of Biblical textual critic Bart Ehrman, for example, it may be time to look at your minister's credentials. Christians are not known for their prowess at vetting pastors (e.g. "Bishop" Eddie Long).


I've been writing a book titled "Sacred Cows Make The Best Hamburger" (for too long) and I've been able to gather some books that may help the people who are too tied to Fundamentalist doctrines to see the forest from the trees. You read them: they may help you explain to them how literalism/Fundamentalism damages more souls than it saves.


Each of these titles has a link to Amazon.com - not because you should buy them, but because you can read the reviews - and you'll get referrals to other titles. They're listed in order of difficulty.

Kenneth C. Davis - Don't Know Much About The Bible: Everything You Need To Know About The Good Book, But Never Learned. This is an ABSOLUTE MUST READ FIRST. Why? Because even though a few of Davis' historical premises have been disputed it clearly explains two basic things most Fundamentalist preachers don't want you to know about or consider: the Bible was EDITED and its inconsistencies are legion (actually mega-legion!). Davis goes about questioning/explaining the Bible book-by-book and does it with understanding and humor. This book is not a put-down of the Bible, but a thoughtful and thorough analysis put in ways that the average reader can understand. Naysayers about the book will point out that Davis has included Don't Know Much About The Bible in a pop series ("Don't Know Much About ..."). Don't listen to them, because the primary purpose of the book is to get you to asking questions about the Bible.


Edward T. Babinski - Leaving The Fold - Testimonies of Former Fundamentalists. Most former Fundamentalists turn atheist or agnostic. For them, religion was a painful experience and they wanted to rid their lives of it. Babinski is a biologist and blogger about evolution, but this book is not written by him as it is edited and put-together by him. The stories are riveting and some of the "former" Fundamentalists will surprise you.


Gary Greenberg - 101 Myths of the Bible - How Ancient Scribes Invented Biblical History. Greenberg is President of the Biblical Archeology Society of New York and there' no disputing his scholarship:

Myth #50 God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah

The Reality: Sodom and Gomorrah were mythical cities that never existed.

(Bishop) John Shelby Spong - Rescuing The Bible From Fundamentalism. This book became a bestseller almost as much for its controversy than for its content: Spong was considered a radical within the Episcopal Church...and he still is:

The biblical scholarship of the past two hundred years has simply not been made available to the man or the woman in the pew. So mainline Christians allow the television preachers to manipulate their audiences, most times to their own financial gain, by making the most absurd biblical claims without their being called to accountability in the name of truth. (Pat Robertson, anyone?)

Bruce Bawer - Stealing Jesus - How Fundamentalism Betrays Christianity. Bawer states immediately that the first Christians would never have recognized Fundamentalist Christianity and that if exposed to them, they would have wondered how these "men of God" could have "stolen" Jesus.


Chris Hedges - Losing Moses On The Freeway - The 10 Commandments in America. Christ Hedges is a frequent and welcome contributor to OpEdNews. Losing Moses On The Freeway helps show how the Golden Rule plus the Ten Commandments shape the lives of everyday people in America and how Fundamentalism distorts them.

Garry Wills - What Jesus Meant. Pulitzer Prize-winning Garry Wills (Lincoln) is a good philosopher and a very good theologian who brings home the meaning of Jesus' sayings and proverbs.  

Bart Ehrman - Misquoting Jesus. Bart Ehrman is one of the world's foremost biblical textual critics: i.e., he knows the history of the Bible, ancient Hebrew, ancient and classical Greek, Coptic, Aramaic and Assyrian. New archeological discoveries (like the Gospel of Judas) are always proffered to Erhman before most anyone. Misquoting Jesus shows us just how much Jesus may have said and what was written later, translated, rewritten and re-translated. Probably the most valuable lesson on the Gospels and their discrepancies, Erhman tells the reader to read the Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke) horizontally (e.g., all three first chapters, then all three second chapters, etc.). It's an exercise that will astound you!


Elaine Pagels - The Origin of Satan. Pagels is the world's pre-eminent scholar on the Gnostic Gospels, those writings which were discovered in 1947 from Gnostic Christians. In The Origin of Satan, Pagels shows that Satan, or Sai-tan was developed by Christianity as a means of demonizing Judaism. 

Karen Armstrong - The Battle For God - A History of Fundamentalism, The Bible - A Biography, The Great Transformation. Karen Armstrong is arguably one of the world's best scholars about all world religions. Admittedly, she is not an easy read, but once you realize what she is presenting and how she is presenting it, you feel richer for having read her books. Of particular note is The Great Transformation, which looks at the parallels of religions and societies during a particular time before Christianity. It's a fascinating study, but not for everyone.   

***


In the end, we all have to realize that religious belief is serious stuff. Writers like me may joke about it from time to time (ok, I do it most of the time), but when belief is blind belief (as with Harold Camping's followers) it has the power to ruin believers' lives. Coaxing believers to read something contrary to their beliefs is difficult, but it may be the only strategy there is to put people's beliefs back on a safe, even keel. 


And remember this:


Fundamentalism: it's Satan's greatest masterpiece.

Rapture Kitty Rules!!

After 78 hours, Rapture Kitty is still on top at OpEdNews!

All That Glitters Is Not Newt: The Republican Party Is Really Made Of Cheap Brass

Back in the days ...


The Republican Party used to be more, shall we say, patrician. Oh, it had people with lots of money, but it was old money, not the flashy kind you see nowadays. It was the money of the Teddy Roosevelts, not the Franklin Roosevelts,* and even though they were conservative to a fault, they spent their money (as well as other people's) in style: Teddy - national parks, Franklin - WPA. 


Sadly, all that style went away with Calvin Coolidge. Nixon? No style at all in Watergate. Ford? Stumbling has no style - in or out of Congress.  Reagan? Hollywood glitz while mixed up with Contras and stealing designer gowns.  Bush I? Can't recall much of anything. Bush II? As the youngsters say today, "Gimme a break!" 


Style. Class. Respect. Every patrician virtue seems to have eluded the Republicans for years. Unfortunately, it will continue to elude them with the present Presidential hopeful roster: 


New Gingrich - aka "serial adulterer" Mr. Gingrich announced his bid for the Presidency with the worst timing ever: owing upwards of $500,000 to Tiffany's at a time when the economy is the #1 American priority is gouache and terribly bourgeois. We realize that one young man tried to "sparkle up" Newt's image (see below) but we believe that it will take more than glitter to make him shine.


Michele Bachmann - aka "crazy eyes" and "slit our wrists" Mrs. Bachmann is more delusional than delightful: one does not make up numbers ($900 million a day for President's trip to Southeast Asia and India?),become a fear monger against the national census, nor extol the virtues of carbon dioxide.


Rick Santorum - aka "frothy mix" Mr. Santorum needs to be less obsessed with Google definitions and more concerned with his ethics: giving the warning signal to Senator John Ensign about his about-to-be-public affair was not in anyone's best interests.


Tim Pawlenty - Mr. Pawlenty was swept away from Catholicism by his wife and then turned into a devout RRR (Radical Religious Righter). He seems not to be "for" anything, but instead whines to the media (like Bryan Fischer of AFA) about what he is against (same-sex marriage, Social Security, Medicare). He continually sounds like a very poor sport.


Mitt Romney - Mr. Romney may look very patrician, have a great deal of money, and even a certain amount of pedigree,  but to put it bluntly, flip-flops are not allowed in the White House.


Mitch Daniels - Mr. Daniels seems to have all the reserve required for a good patrician Republican, however, his attachment to Eli Lilly leaves much to be desired. Although most of society is on Prozac, there is no need for a drug company to rule the country. 


Sarah Palin - aka "Rogue Something-or-other" and "Hockey mom" (her self-styled sobriquet). Mrs Palin has been in the spotlight so long without real substance that she is in danger of being "famous for being famous" The only person ever to pull that off was Zsa Zsa Gabor - with style and elegance (Queen of Outer Space notwithstanding). Her book, Going Rogue, was a paltry piece that impressed no one (least of all Katie Couric). Going Rouge** is much better. Tacky: putting an enemy's district in a crosshair for your PAC's website.


Ron Paul - aka "Dr. No" Mr. Paul has leaned so far to the Right that there is no Left left. This does not make for a good statesman. Governments are established for the benefit of the populace, but Mr. Paul's libertarianism doesn't seem to care. He quite foolishly declared that the President's raid on Osama Bin Laden was unnecessary. Bad form.


Herman Cain - his political positions are thinner than his pizza


There may be more to come, but we may not be able to stand the class deficiency. 




*Franklin's money was from the Delano side - originally made in China's Opium trade

**Going Rouge: A Candid Look inside the Mind of Political Conservative Sarah Palin, , a wonderfully insightful book - all its pages are empty.

Rapture Kitty's Home: More Graphics From The Devil and Dan Vojir

Because "Rapture Kitty" became sooo popular, here are some "edited" images that I used for different article. Most of them were simply fun to put together, while some of them are a little bit edgier. Just click on the image and it will take you to the corresponding article.  Have fun!!

 

"Rapture Kitty" Hits #1 On OpEdNews!!!

Proof that Cuteness really matters: I think the reason the article hit #1 on OpEdNews was this pic. Hope people are actually reading the article!

The End Of The World? We're Sooo Looking Forward To It!

"God has given sooo much information in the Bible about this, and so many proofs, and so many signs, that we know it is absolutely going to happen without any question at all. 

 - Harold Camping

When the End Times come, I want to be living in Kansas. It's always twenty years behind."

 - Mark Twain

Imagine this scene:

Sunday, May 22nd, 10:15AM, families in church pews singing praises of the Lord very languidly, with  no exuberance at all. They've gathered in churches out of fright and despair. The day before, a few people they knew had disappeared - in broad daylight!  It happened! It actually happened! Old Harold Camping was RIGHT!!

After the initial worldwide chaos, all those worshipers had come to the realization that they had been "left behind," and their fate was sealed: in six months, their bodies and souls would cease to exist. No hell, but no heaven either. That's the way Camping envisioned it. Why were they singing hymns at all? Maybe hope, maybe habit. The cruelty of it all was still impossible to comprehend: only 3% of the population were raptured. What was wrong with the other 97%?

Yes, it's an odd scenario that focuses on the torture to come: billions of people left on earth, knowing that in six months they would cease to exist. Of course, it's not the only picture of the End: so many elements and permutations make for an interesting (if confusing) mix-and-match game: the Rapture, pre-millenialism, post-millenialism,  Armageddon are but a few. But no matter what the eschatology, they all involve the End of the World, a Judgment of human beings, unification with God (heaven) or separation from God (hell or non-existence) all with a heavy dose of ... sadism. One wonders if God created man just to toy with him like some cruel child: whatever the outcome of the World, somebody, some soul will suffer.

Gone Are The Sandwich Boards

"REPENT! THE END IS NEAR!" When's the last time you saw some sad, unkempt person wearing front-and-back placards declaring the end of the world? Most of them have been retired to YouTube heaven and they've been replaced by young people in tee-shirts with handouts or misspelled signs held by very in-your-face adherents. Today's End Timers seem more definite, more aggressive, and more condescending than sandwich board messengers. Why? Is it because they know they will be going to heaven very soon? Or is it because they know you won't be going to heaven (unless you listen to them and act quickly)? Watch the 40-second video at the bottom and wonder why the young man has such fervor in his voice and stance. When asked what he will do if the world still exists on May 22nd, he is absolutely certain that THERE WILL BE NO MAY 22nd! The force at which he puts up a mind-block to any alternative is unsettling.

Of course, websites like The End.com and  End Time Ministries also exude a matter-of-fact quality about a Second Coming, but they merely act as enablers to a group that is going one step further: naming an actual date.

I realize that calling today's End Timers cruel and sadistic may be going too far, but not far enough for people who actually push for Armageddon, e.g. the followers of Pastor John Hagee. His group, CUFI (Christians United For Israel), actually rallies for the concept of Armageddon. In the video below, the actions of the faithful seem almost surreal: they're so very happy that an Israeli-Palestinian conflict would bring about their cherished Armageddon, they seem oblivious to the fact that they are inciting a war, with people dying in the process.  Former U.S. Representative Tom DeLay looks almost giddy at the prospect of a cataclysmic war.

So what will happen to the May 21st End Timers on May 22nd? Will they experience profound disillusionment? Will they be ridiculed mercilessly? Will they switch to another date? I fear the answer to all three questions is a resounding "yes". We are experiencing people who (badly) need  a vast and spectacular change in their lives and who cannot deal with the human condition, whether in themselves or others. In other words, they will always want the End Time to come in their lifetime: be it in the form of the Rapture, the Second Coming, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse or whatever, End Timers will always strive for an immediate vindication, a current vengeance, a present emotional and physical relief with something as universal as religion.   

Past "signs" of the End Time show us just how desperate people are when they put their beliefs and their hopes for a cataclysmic change on the line:

Mormon: Babylon will be established and fall, Rev. 17-18.

Jehovah's Witnesses: All religions, represented by the Babylon the Great, except Jehovah's Witnesses, will be destroyed by the United Nations.(Revelation 17:16-18)

Islam: the Sun will rise from the West instead of the East.

So what will happen on May 22? After a great wailing and gnashing of teeth, the world will go on as it always has, people will still practice virtues and vices, and history will (unfortunately) repeat itself in the form of desperate people hoping for the End Time.

PS: With a nod to conspiracy theorists: the billboards stretching from Connecticut to Louisiana are extremely pricey. Camping may own some media outlets, but nothing on the scale to produce enough income for the advertising. So who the hell is funding this stuff?

Osama Bin Laden Is Dead. And So Is "Cowboy Diplomacy" (We Hope!)

Justice Is Served. 
Obama Is Lauded.
Statesmanship Is 
Re-established. 
And The Right is
...check-mated. 

A statesman does not gloat: in an hour when United States needed supreme statesmanship, Barack Obama made the announcement of Osama Bin Laden's with a slightly somber note. He did not smile. He simply noted that justice had been served and that we must be ever-vigilant in the war on terrorism. He also reinforced his image as a Nobel Peace Prize laureate in declaring:

We must also reaffirm that the United States is not –- and never will be -– at war with Islam. I’ve made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against Islam. Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader; he was a mass murderer of Muslims. Indeed, al Qaeda has slaughtered scores of Muslims in many countries, including our own. So his demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity.

He did not gloat. Instead, the gloating was done for him around the country, and while people are justified in being satisfied with the Al Qaeda leader's death as a point of closure to horrific events in our history, the current hysteria may look to the world exactly like the joy Islamic militants had demonstrated on 9/11. Obama's calm hopefully countered that image.

The cheers may also signal a blow to the Right, for those jubilant crowds at Ground Zero are the people the Republican Party counted on to destroy Barack Obama. After all, they are cheering Obama's "gutsy" but intelligent strategy. Not...George...Bush's. 

And it's very obvious that conservatives across the country are holding back tears of frustration. After all, Bush's "cowboy diplomacy" was an oxymoron: it was no diplomacy at all. His desire to wear a white stetson and go into the Middle East with guns blazing was loutish and engendered more fear of the U.S. than admiration. It was the result of an excuse to annihilate Saddam Hussein, an act of bravado that cost more U.S. lives than were lost on 9/11 and spiraled the economy down into debt. Bush was derided as a brute - history's greatest diplomatic dimwit.

Reactions by Republicans have tried to temper their commendations of Obama with references to Bush:

Eric Cantor: "I commend President Obama who has followed the vigilance of President Bush in bringing Bin Laden to justice." 

Tim Pawlenty: In the hours after the 9/11 attacks, President Bush promised that America would bring Osama bin Laden to justice -- and we did."

Donald Rumsfeld: "All of this was made possible by the relentless, sustained pressure on al Qaeda that the Bush administration initiated after 9/11 and that the Obama administration has wisely chosen to continue." 

And some didn't bother to commend the President at all: reactions eliminating any mention of Obama include Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Condoleezza Rice, Sen. Saxby Chambliss, Rep. Darrell Issa,  Sen. Marco Rubio to name a few.

Those Amazing Conspiracy Guys

Perhaps the most loyal adherents to cowboy diplomacy are the country's conspiracy theorists: Obama's comparatively restrained militarism helped them paint him as un-American. And on the outset, the publication of the long form birth certificate coupled with Bin Laden's demise should render the brand of un-American moot and pointless. Of course, conspiracy theorists are still having a field day because of the manner in which the body of Bin Laden was disposed of: dumping it in the ocean was not (to them) conclusive. No matter that the comprehensive coverage of the assault by CBS IN THE WAR ROOM leaves no doubt that Obama, Vice-President Biden, Secretary of State Clinton and other officials viewed the assault in real time. No matter that one woman in the compound made a positive identification of the body. No matter that photos were taken. No matter that positive DNA results were released. 

No matter.

We have Birthers (some refuse to believe the legitimacy of the long form) and now there will be (Bin Laden) "Deathers" as well. Ho hum. We can only hope that all these theorists whose raison d'etre is to "get" Obama at any cost may find their numbers dwindling, not because of the last two events, but because the pile up of conspiracy theories may increase to such a point that the industry itself may implode. Too many jokes founded on too many theories will eventually bore the public and adamant theorists will be looked upon for what they are: rubes who will grasp at anything to discredit him and make him look un-American. 

And when that happens, let's hope that they will take cowboy diplomacy along with them. It's too expensive. We can't afford it any more.