Huckabee's Pick for VP - BARNEY RUBBLE!!

Just before the Iowa primaries, these comments about Huckabee have been reported by Marc Ambinder in The Atlantic.com:

Owen Walker, a farmer from Indianola, became a convert [to Hucksterism] today. "He's got… he's got heart. He's a good man," he said. A fundamentally decent guy. "A down to earth person who we're going to be able to trust."

His friend, Jim Meadows, told me: "When I really came to realize that he'd be a good candidate is when he demonstrated during the debates that he showed a lot of wisdom in the way he answered the question. The man is a genuine next-door neighbor type." [emphasis added]

Sorry, but I don’t want a guy who spouts homespun platitudes and mows the lawn regularly. I want someone like West Wing’s Josiah Barlett: a Renaissance man who has a good grasp of world economics, is eloquent, speaks several languages, likes Mozart, knows about a country before he alights from Air Force One, and can preside over a state dinner (that’s, state, not steak).

I certainly don’t want a president who gives impromptu back rubs to heads of state or talks to them with his mouth full. Let’ face it, folks: every time our current leader put his best foot forward for a VIP, it landed in a cowpat at Crawford.

And besides being “down to earth,” Huckabee is supposedly a “young earth” creationist (as are most Southern Baptists). Will he have a photo-op at the Creation Museum in Kentucky with Adam and Eve as they’re cavorting with dinosaurs? Will he espouse what is now universally known as “Yabba Dabba Science”?

Will he pick Barney Rubble as a running mate?

Nah. Give me a sophisticated New York neighbor: The Honeymooners’ Ed Norton.

Inflatable Nativity Redux

Sorry folks, but it's the Holidays and I just HAD to put this up again!

The top of this party catalogue ad posits this gem:

“Let them experience the real reason for Christmas”

But what’s the “real reason”?

Figure it out in this oh-so-realistic portrayal where:

1. Mary didn’t have all her teeth and was apparently 8 months pregnant
immediately after giving birth (unless she too is inflatable).
2. The inflatable manager could double as Moses’ little reed basket on the Nile...or be the centerpiece of a floating nativity scene in the pool.
3. One of the Three Kings had a sex change.
4. Shiny brown beards were all the rage back then in the Eastern Mediterranean.
5. The first Christmas showcased the beauty of polyester.
6. Even I thought this display was tasteless. The inflatable manger really got to me.

The catalogue also has larger sizes of costumes for adults. The manger, however, is a “one size fits all.”

How many storefront churches bought this stuff? Probably hundreds. And how many in-your-face Religious Right churches have boycotted it? Probably zero. They never did try to remove that glow-in-the-dark plastic Jesus from people’s cars, so why should they protest a tacky setup like this? After all, this is not an attack on Christianity.

Or is it?

Hmmm. How deliciously subversive!

Addendum: How many of you actually saw something like this? Come on, fess up!

And to all of you DIDN'T look like this - for this or any other Christmas,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Lawyers take note:

Our counselors are “biblical counselors” not “professional clinical counselors” and are clearly identified as such in descriptions of our programs. Our counseling follows a pastoral model based on our closely held religious beliefs and is, therefore, expressly excluded from regulation and licensing requirements of The Kentucky Board of Licensed Professional Counselors.

That's the official statement of Pure Life Ministries - the "pray away the gay" ministry that took in James Stabile. They also deny that they told James to throw away his medication (he's bi-polar). Everyone reacting to the saga now has to take things with a grain of salt because of James' pathology and consistent lying.

The whole thing still smells bad. James' father, Pastor Joseph Stabile, has asked people to put it to rest and let the family heal.

Can we?
Should we?

THE UH...CAMPUS

CNN Breaking News:

“Firefighters Fight Blaze on White House Campus.”

Campus.

Campus. As in college. As in students. As in education. Where in the world did CNN pluck that word from? “White House Campus” is a bit of an oxymoron (always stress “moron”). When someone as dimwitted as our dear President lives in the White House, let’s face it, does it bring any feeling of intelligence when mentioned? Aren’t there times when you feel that Bush MUST be incredibly stupid because he actually expects the American public to believe half (ok, all) of the things he says?

Campus. Plato. Geology. Physics. Sociology. Biology. Zoology. Juris Prudence. Shakespeare. Edward Albee. Milton. Economics.

Read these subjects again. And again. Can you imagine ANY of them – even remotely – when you see our President?

What, exactly do you imagine?

Right.

The 7 Steps to a "700 Club" Lie

Here's crucial update on the post of Dec. 6th:

Got to hand it to those CINOs. They sure can take advantge of situations - and people.

It seems that James Stabile of "the Holy Spirit zapped me" fame was horribly misused in that 700 Club "news" segment.

Horribly.

The Highway to Holiness segment actually happened waaay back in September, so there must have been some debate as to whether or not to air it. CBN execs and Pat Robertson: to lie, or to to lie.

As it turns out, there were several very disturbing factors: 1. after the experience, Stabile was set upon by an ex-gay group; 2. he called his parents to say that he was moving out; 3 his parents didn't hear from him for two weeks; 4. Stabile is severely manic-depressive; 5. he was told that God would heal this as well as his homosexuality and coerced him into not taking his lithium; 5. Stabile's father is the PASTOR of a United Methodist church in Dallas; 6. Stabile's parents are openly supportive of their son being gay; 7. Stabile came home with a horror story of a "pray away the gay" camp.

Tomorrow I will flesh out a plan I hopebloggers and readers everywhere will follow.

Again, stay tuned.

The Joke's on Jesus

Take a look at this one:
http://dj-spyder.blogspot.com/2007/12/talking-jesus-doll-sells-out-faster.html

It's obviously a take-off.

Here's the sad part: I thought it was a take-off of a possible marketed product. I just discovered (through Amazon, not Walmart) that there IS a talking Jesus doll, and a Moses doll, and a Mary doll - all by the same company, One 2 Believe. http://store.messengersoffaith.net/index.html

Now take a look at the:

Deluxe Miracle Jesus - Action Figure Has Glow in the Dark hands - Comes with 5 Loaves of Bread, 2 Fish, 1 Water into Wine Jug. Other products by Novelty Figures.

After looking at the Novelty Figures' selection, however, I decided I would have more fun with the Obsessive Compulsive doll that requires you to wash your hands with every turn of the page on his instruction manual.

Of course, this one is by far more blasphemous:

http://www.prankplace.com/submissivejesus.htm


You have to turn the crown of thorns on his head (which is kinda icky), but phrases like "Don't make me have to rise from the dead and kick your ass." And "You act like you were born in a barn!" are worth it.


However, think about it: which one is the MOST blasphemous? How low can God get when He's reduced to an action figure?

Oh well, for Christmas, it almost beats the inflatable Nativity.

Holy plastic. Allelujah. Amen.

Hey, Liz, You Didn't Sell Those White Diamonds Fast Enough!!

Huckabee. Hucka. Huck. Rhymes with…

Definitely the man of the hour (well, at least the political 15 minutes), Mike Huckabee has, in a matter of several sentences from his past, lost the support of a small block of voters – Log Cabin Republicans. Whether or not he’s lost more (or gained more) votes with others remains to be seen.

He had this to say about AIDS Research in an AP poll in 1991:

"In light of the extraordinary funds already being given for AIDS research, it does not seem that additional federal spending can be justified," Huckabee wrote. [in 1991] An alternative would be to request that multimillionaire celebrities, such as Elizabeth Taylor (,) Madonna and others who are pushing for more AIDS funding be encouraged to give out of their own personal treasuries increased amounts for AIDS research."

Interesting. Does this mean that when I was volunteering at the time at San Francisco’s AIDS Emergency Fund, people who were in the process of dying came from all over the country to become clients simply because Elizabeth Taylor didn’t sell her jewelry fast enough?

I guess.

He also advocated isolating AIDS patients. His biggest partners-in-crime at the time, must have been Jesse Helms and Jerry Falwell.

When Huckabee wrote his answers in 1992, it was common knowledge that AIDS could not be spread by casual contact. In late 1991, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said there were 195,718 AIDS patients in the country and that 126,159 people had died from the syndrome.

At a news conference in Asheville, N.C., on Saturday, Huckabee said he wanted at the time to follow traditional medical practices used for dealing with tuberculosis and other infectious diseases. "Medical protocol typically says that if you have a disease for which there is no cure, and you are uncertain about the transmission of it, then the first thing you do is that you quarantine or isolate carriers," Huckabee said.

Also in the wide-ranging AP questionnaire in 1992, Huckabee said, "I feel homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk." Read more here:

“If I were making those same comments today, I might make them a little differently."

Ya wanna bet?

Please remember, people, that Huckabee is a Southern Baptist minister. Yes, the very same ministers who advocated slavery (vehemently) then joined the KKK. O.K., my prejudice is showing, but you have to admit that a religious sect that takes over 150 years to apologize for their inhumane stance (the SBC announced its regrets for slavery in 1996) is a bit suspect when it comes to any kind of civil rights.

So now that AIDS is the biggest problem in Africa: hey, Angelina, sell those trinkets, Brad sell that Rolex. Time's awastin'. You don't think that Afrian governments are going to do anything, do ya? Hell, they're just following their leader, the good 'ole Christian Right of America!

Was It a Set-up?

Look at this video from YouTube and decide for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5S38LpMgu0

Try to Google the name James Stabile. Nothing.

I received an email from the Dallas Voice. The event happened on September 7th. Very curious. Why did The 700 Club decide to air this “news” piece almost three months later? What was a 19 year-old twink (sorry) doing hopping drunkenly from club to club in pursuit of his "fiance" then getting zapped by the Holy Spirit?

The Dallas Voice reported a different scene to be sure:

...On both Aug. 31 and Sept. 7, a Christian group has chosen a sidewalk on the northeast corner of Cedar Springs Road and Throckmorton Street as a venue for prayer demonstrations. With their numbers approaching 100, the Christians’ presence has raised the ire of clubgoers and others, and on Sept. 7, police reportedly asked the group to leave after a beer bottle was launched in their direction from the balcony of J.R.’s.

... Lauren Palmer is a psychic who’s been operating a table in front of Crossroads Market — directly behind the site of the demonstrations — on Friday and Saturday nights for nearly a decade. “I’m a very religious person, I really am, and this is like a nuisance,” Palmer said. “Who are they helping? Why are they not helping some of the homeless people around here?”Palmer said the demonstrators were hurting her business by blocking her sign and infringing on customers’ privacy. “It’s not that I don’t like what they’re doing, but I don’t understand why here on this corner,” she said. “I think the people around here are beginning to get hostile toward them.”

Read more here.

And a “purity siege”?? Here’s Wikipedia’s definition of a siege:

A siege is a military blockade of a city or fortress with the intent of conquering by force or attrition, often accompanied by an assault. The term derives from the Latin word for "seat" or "sitting."[1] A siege occurs when an attacker encounters a city or fortress that refuses to surrender and cannot be easily taken by a frontal assault. Sieges involve surrounding the target and blocking the reinforcement or escape of troops or provision of supplies (a tactic known as "investment"[2]), typically coupled with attempts to reduce the fortifications by means of siege engines, artillery bombardment, mining (also known as mining), or the use of deception or treachery to bypass defenses. Failing a military outcome, sieges can often be decided by starvation, thirst or disease, which can afflict both the attacker or defender.

Again with the military moralizing. Does The 700 Club approve of trapping people and laying siege to them, FORCING them to become saved? Of course they do. Is it ethical to lay in wait and attack someone when they are coming out of an establishment? Of course it isn’t.

Should people be armed when they come out of a bar and are confronted by CINOs (Christians in Name Only) trying to lay hands on them?

Probably. But cream pies are expensive.

What Did GOD Whisper in Pat's Ear?

Did Guiliani and Robertson cut a deal?

Pat Robertson has now definitely crossed that fine line he has been walking on the last 20 years. His sanity is no longer in question. He has taken the plunge into the lake of lunacy. Calling down meteors against gays, saying that feminists practice witchcraft and calling for assasinations – no proclamation comes close to the news that he has endorsed Rudy Guiliani for President. Guiliani is pro-choice and soft on gays. Does Pat know that Rudy stayed with to queens while his divorce was going through? Tsk tsk Rudy. Does Pat have something more on you than you want the public to know?

What was Pat thinking? Did leg-pressing all that weight put pressure somewhere other than his posterior? Did God suddenly tell Pat that those 40 million abort fetuses were just a mistake? And that Roe vs. Wade wasn't that bad after all?

Just what kind of DEAL did these two come up with? Robertson wouldn't be so stupid as to become moderate all of a sudden - his ratings/donor base would plummet. And is Guiliani going to flip/flop? Something's missing. Something very secret.

Stay tuned. There's a very shadey story brewing.

The Absolute Certainty of a Southern Baptist

From the Huffington Post:

A few weeks ago, the pastor of the First Baptist Church of Dallas (considered The Vatican of the Southern Baptist Convention) stood in the pulpit and told the congregation that Mitt Romney was not a Christian and that "Mormonism is a cult!"

(Should Salt Lake City be attacked by the Bureau of Firearms and Tobacco?)

Upon hearing the news, presidential candidate and ordained Baptist minister Mike Huckabee got to Texas as fast as he could!

(Well, Duh!)

This past weekend he preached at a couple of Baptist churches in the Dallas area, even delivering the 11:00 a.m. Sunday sermon at the 28,000 member megachurch Prestonwood Baptist. Unlike recently, when he refused to acknowledge that Mormonism is a legitimate form of Christianity, Huck steered clear of that subject, focusing instead on Armageddon and how only those who share his particular faith really matter:

"If you lose everything but you still have Jesus, you have what you need," he said to rousing applause at Prestonwood Baptist."If you're with Jesus Christ, we know how it turns out in the final moment. I've read the last chapter in the book, and we do end up winning."

How revealing!

Got Tube?

I’m really slow when it comes to picking up some religious right news, so it came as a surprise to me to learn that a sight called GodTube started last August. It boasts 500,000 hits per month and clips of it are available at GodTube’s sight.

As I’ve always said, America has made a religion out of entertainment …and an entertainment out of religion. You can take away our food, shelter, and clothing, but don’t even think about touching our entertainment. Entertainment has now become our largest export. And it brings the tourists in.

There is certainly nothing askew about promoting tourism. I live in San Francisco where people wander off the cable car tour buses and I’ve become protective of the naïve little darlings. But now, imagine a group of Japanese tourists disembarking from a plane asking where they can see the Salem Witchcraft Trials performed live (of course) at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas!.

Something’s wrong here.

Should I be selling my glow-in-the-dark Jesus for big bucks on eBay?

CAN BENNY HINN HEAL THIS ONE?

This just in:

CBS News has learned Sen. Charles Grassley of Iowa, the ranking Republican on the Senate Finance Committee, is investigating six prominent televangelist ministries for possible financial misconduct.

The six ministries identified as being under investigation by the committee are led by: Paula White, Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, Eddie Long, Kenneth Copeland and Benny Hinn. Three of the six - Benny Hinn, Kenneth Copeland and Creflo Dollar - also sit on the Board of Regents for the Oral Roberts University.

Everyone: send a thank you! to Sen. Grassley with the postscript: What about Paul Crouch? (Trinity Broadcasting Network)

Good thing Pat Robertson doesn’t call himself a televangelist.

I’ll be updating this post today whenever I can.

Stay Tuned…

A Media Celebrity's Price of Fame

Found in the classifieds today:

Supposedly God-fearing Bible thumper seeks media coverage. Has experience in picketing for God and has trained subordinates (family) in art of picketing as well as litigating when necessary. No ideology too sacred or ridiculous to oppose. Loves to hate. Loves being hated. Will work diligently for newsprint, radio, TV and online articles. Even youngest in group will work in 24-hour shifts, trample flags and hurl epithets. No impeding morals whatsoever. Incredible resume highlighting freedom of speech and freedom to hate anyone/anything. Reply Westboro Baptist Church, Topeka, Kansas.

A long time ago, Fred Phelps fell in love…with his own snake oil. That snake oil does not consist entirely of hate as most people would be led to believe, but instead, it’s a persona that embodies hate. Every time Fred receives media attention, he’s dazzled by his own image. And by extension, his family’s image.

You see, Fred Phelps fell under the spell of his own celebrity over thirty years ago: his legal career rose and fell during the seventies (he was disbarred in the State of Kansas), but then Phelps had an epiphany: the combination of entertainment and religion was tailor-made for him. A star was born.

He and his family latched on to the most incendiary topic of the time: homosexuality. He figured that taking his protests to extremes never even dreamt of by the Religious Right he could gain the fame (if not the fortune) he craved. He picketed EVERYONE and EVERYTHING (except, possibly, babies in strollers). He fumed against disaster victims and enlarged his fame with signs like “Thank God for 9/11.”*

When last Thursday’s $11 million decision for the plaintiff (in a veteran funeral picketing case) was announced, people across the country jubilantly chanted: “There is a God!”

But will Phelps and his Westboro Baptist clan ever wind up paying out any of it? Probably not, since the entire clan is a veritable den of lawyers who can file enough appeals to tie the case up well past Fred’s demise (unless he lives to the age of 110). Until the day when Phelps and his family go screaming into oblivion, however, America (especially American Evangelicals and Fundamentalists) will have to bear the “Mark of Fred”: an indelible tatoo that says: “God hates _______(please fill in the blank).”



*Interesting note: it took the Southern Baptist Convention 20 years to disavow Phelps’ “Baptist” standing. Another indication that when respect for human dignity goes up against respect for a title of “Rev.,” human dignity suffers. But tardiness in apologies or corrections is traditional within the bastions of the Religious Right: it took the Vatican 400 years to apologize to Galileo and the Southern Baptist Convention over 150 years to apologize for slavey.

The Religious Right Meets Leo

Lions - Attack the Religious Right!

Raise your hackles, bare your teeth, roar and get ready to pounce: the lions are hungry...and at war. We need to feed on the self-righteous, not because they taste good, but because they attacked us first. In fact, they’ve been attacking us for many years, but good as we have been - like little lambs – we’ve let them hunt us with their guns & scriptures while we defend ourselves with… Murphy Brown and Will & Grace, a smattering of congressmen, some mayors, several outspoken ministers and a bishop. Oh, and let’s not forget “friends of friends of friends…”ad infinitum. Come on! Instead of trying to hold our ground, we need to attack.

That’s right. Attack.

When people who have been scourged by scripture started to come out of their respective closets in the 70’s (feminists as well as gays), I’m sure they thought “Well, after we’re out, they’ll eventually love and accept us for who we are because we’re basically good people.” And some people DID love and accept us. Except the Southern Baptists, Islam, the Hassidim, the Pentecostals, the Vatican, the Greek Orthodox, Mormons, Anglicans, Lutherans, Anabaptists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Seventh-Day Adventists and the thousands of denominations that have “God” “Christ” “Jesus” or “Missionary” in their names. Oh, and don’t forget Bob Marley’s Rastafarians. We were comparatively fluffy kittens back then yet they aimed their guns at us and haven’t dropped us from their sites yet.

Here is a marvelous quote from a British journalist thinking along the same lines while refering to the latgest threat:

"Some might compare the religious right to a snake," a Wichita evangelist, Terry Fox, told the New York Times. "We may be in our hole right now, but we can come out and bite you at any time." It's time for progressives to get out of their hole and find some teeth.*

Lion’s teeth, to be sure. I’d love to found a special “Lion’s Club” to spearhead a movement to disarm the Religious Right.

One rabid fundamentalist stated: “Well, you just picture us all as either Elmer Gantry…or Elmer Fudd!” Very apt description, but we must all remember that in the cartoons, Fudd’s the one with the gun.

*Gary Younge – The Guardian

Southern Baptists On The Warpath!!!

500 Rabid Southern Baptists Will Descend Upon Us!

From: The Christian Post Reporter
October 26, 2007:

The North American Mission Board (NAMB), the Southern Baptist Convention's domestic mission agency, intends to certify as many as 500 new apologetics instructors, charging them to defend the truth and credibility of the Christian faith.

Apologetics has absolutely nothing to do with apologizing. In a way, apologetics is the very opposite of apologizing. These guys are an assault of the senses: “We are right! We are True! Cursed be those who do not heed us!” Ann Coulter is an apologist (of sorts).

Apologetics is more important than ever in today’s culture, said Dr. Mark A. Rathel, associate professor of theology and philosophy at The Baptist College of Florida and who was recently qualified as the first CAI [Certified Apologetics Instructor]. Movies such as "The Da Vinci Code" have done much to foster doubt about the reliability of the Bible, he noted.

Ah, the Da Vinci Code …again. Dan Brown is a veritable demon from hell! He is the Anti-Christ! He will feed on your souls!

Or maybe he’s just a guy who wrote an interesting piece of fiction.
Aside: How strong is a faith that needs to attack a piece of fiction once every week for four years? Give it a rest. Six months after Brown’s book came out there were two dozen refuting it. Thou dost protest waaaay too much.

“Christianity is under so much attack today,” Rathel said, according to NAMB. “I feel this will be a way to answer questions for unbelievers and at the same time, give believers more confidence and make them better witnesses.”

Just who is under attack? Christianity, or the people who think fundamentalists are crazy?

NAMB's new effort of certifying instructors takes the burden off pastors who are already stretched in their pastoral ministry and have little time to be trained in apologetics and to also train their congregations. The CAI program takes Southern Baptists who already have a passion for teaching apologetics to the next level both in knowledge and communication skills. These instructors will then train Southern Baptists in the area of apologetics and interfaith evangelism.

In other words, the CAI makes them certifiable. Great. Interfaith evangelism? Does that include beating a Muslim over the head with your Bible? Should Baptists look into Torquemada tactics for some good ole forced conversions?

From the Baptist Faith and Message (about scripture):

It has God for its author, salvation for its end, and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter. Therefore, all Scripture is totally true and trustworthy. It reveals the principles by which God judges us, and therefore is, and will remain to the end of the world, the true center of Christian union, and the supreme standard by which all human conduct, creeds, and religious opinions should be tried.

Inerrantists. Young Earth Creationists. Literalists.

Beware. They’re also members of the NRA.

Scripture Twisters in the Land of the Self-Righteous

The (mostly) Fundamentalist Christian blog ChristiaNet is one of the BEST places to find pure, undiluted (but sometimes deluded) self-righteousness. Take a look at one person’s response to another about glossolalia (speaking in tongues):

"I have shown you time and time again where the spiritual gifts (or gifts of the spirit) HAVE NOT CEASED and yet you continue to call them new revelations.

I too will not apologize for what the Bible says. I will stand against anyone who continues to twist scripture and interpret them to what THEY want them to say to fit their desires, false teachings, and ideas. Some people lead others astray who dont know better and they will pay for their transgressions."

I didn’t know Ann Coulter knew so much about the Bible. How far up in the air does this person’s nose go? Can we use it as a satellite? Does the Bible say “Blessed are the know-it-alls?” When does interpretation of scriptures become twisting of scriptures? Twisting scripture is a time-honored tradition and should not be castigated in such a manner! The Bible has been used as a weapon against lepers, pagans, Native Americans, gays and feminists – all through twisting or, ahem, “interpretation.”

Which twists do Fundamentalists subscribe to?

The ones that denigrate the most people, I guess.

That's Entertainment, Folks!

Barak Obama’s campaign is in hot water again: the latest dish is that Pastor Donnie McClurkin as part of his staff (he’s a gospel singer and minister) is an ex-gay who characterizes homosexuality as a “curse.” Read about Pastor Donnie here.

Hallelujah! I’m cured!

Gimme a break.

This guy knows what sells as entertainment: anything, including religion.

This is America. Take away our food, shelter and clothing, but don’t ever think of taking away our entertainment! Ann Coulter knows this. People read her books for their entertainment value. Comedy, music, drama – yes, that’s why we stand and stare at crime and accident scenes.

America has made a veritable religion out of entertainment and an entertainment out of religion.

“McClurkin is head pastor at Perfecting Faith Church, a nondenominational Pentecostal church in Freeport, New York. The 1,000-plus congregation meets in a former supermarket. He's home for the services every Sunday unless he's traveling overseas. Services there are exuberant and interactive. Church members are likely to be dancing in the aisles, speaking in tongues or lying on the floor, overcome by the Holy Spirit.”

And someone got saved in aisle five right by the canned beets. And what is a “nondenominational Pentecostal church?” Can you speak in tongues anywhere? An Episcopal church? A Methodist church? A Bar Mitzvah? When I was an altar boy and we had to race through Latin at the morning Mass (Fr. Duffy was always due to tee off in forty minutes), maybe I was actually seized by the Holy Spirit instead –

“Adeumquilaetificatuventutemeumquarererepulistiquaresintristitincedodumaflegitmeainemicus”

(Yeah, I still remember it after 53 years.)

My point?

Whether it’s ritual, gospel choirs, or Pat Robertson doing leg presses, today’s religion is imbued with entertainment. It just takes a savvy entertainer to exploit it. An entertainer like Donny McClurkin. Yes, he may have had a horrible childhood and his family may have been beyond dysfunctional, and he may have even "prayed away" leukemia. But I don’t believe he’s a bona fide ex-gay (his bios are oddly amiss when it comes to describing his former “gay” life). “Overcoming” vicissitudes is all part of the show. One more “curse” to give glory to the victor.

Da…da…dat’s all folks!

This Year's PERFECT Hell House

Bring In The Harpies!

From the website of Pastor Keenan Roberts:
http://www.godestiny.org/hell_house/HH_kit.cfm

New Destiny Christian Center – Soaring at a Godly Altitude
(You read it right - I’m not making this stuff up. Check it out.)

Shake your city with the most "in-your-face, high-flyin', no denyin', death-defyin', Satan-be-cryin', keep-ya-from-fryin', theatrical stylin', no holds barred, cutting-edge" evangelism tool of the new millennium!

No, it’s not a circus. Very nearly, but not quite.

Oct. 12th marked the 9th the anniversary of the murder of Matthew Shepherd. Mid-October also marked the beginning of a festive American celebration: Hell Houses. There’s a connection between the two events. Some people vehemently deny it, but it’s there. Hell houses are slick demonizations of teen and adult behavior. Pastor Keenan Roberts, who started merchandising the concept, typifies the fundamentalist ideologies presented by Hell Houses, sort of like “If we say they’re going to hell, they’re going to hell. That’s it. Don’t be one of them.” Or similar words to that effect. Oh, and by the way, Keenan’s first Hell House was in Roswell, NM. Go figure.

From Pastor Keenan’s Hell House Kit:

Piece by piece, prop by prop, costume by costume - the master plan is organized in a comprehensive manual. A video of what Hell House in action looks like and a special-effects compact disc audio master are also included. This sizzling evangelism event is designed to capture the attention of our sight and sound culture!

One scene’s depiction of a tortured teenage lesbian from the manual:

This scene creatively combines two cutting-edge issues into one script. The drama for the scene calls for a spiritual battle between the angel of the Lord and the demon tour guide. They wrestle for Jamie's intellect as she struggles with whether or not God has made her this way. This script captures an incredibly compelling exposé that unmasks the “born-gay” lie. The script suits either a male or female lead character. This package includes two wonderful effects tracks. $45 (USD)

This from a minister who tortures his own children: his boys are named Blaze and Jade (?!) Let’s face it, with a name like Jade, the poor kid will definitely become the football team’s “bitch.”

Hell House mentality also denies that a Hell House can contribute to teen suicide, but take look at this grisly scenario:

Another Hell House scene depicts a teenage girl attending her first rave. She unknowingly takes a “date rape drug” and a young man rapes her. Some Hell Houses alternate the rave date rape with a scene where a young girl is raped by her father. In both cases, after being victimized, the girl commits suicide and goes to hell. Available information about both versions mentions nothing about the rapists being punished or going to hell, while the already-victimized girls are sent to hell to be punished for eternity.*

Rape. Eternal damnation. Incest. Teen suicides. Ah, the holidays are truly upon us. God only knows what those fun-loving evangelicals will do to the Thanksgiving turkey.

But…I would like to add to the above drama of damnation. It’s the PERFECT Hell House guaranteed to give nightmares to young and old alike: a teenager without an Ipod being forced to listen to Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin – in person.

Cheaper too.

*My special thanks to Gay & Lesbian Task Force’s Sarah Kennedy & Jason Cianciotto for this last description.

The Slippery Slope Can Slant the Other Way

Tony Perkins’ (Family Research Council) latest alarm about
hate crimes legislation:

Britain's ruling Labor Party government has announced plans to introduce a new "hate crimes" law that would result in jail terms of up to seven years (more than the average penalty for rape) for "incitement to hatred" against homosexuals. The law is not limited to people who commit violent acts or incite violence, but the Justice Ministry claims the law "would not prohibit criticism of gay, lesbian and bisexual people" -- as long as it done in a "temperate way," said one homosexual activist. … Colin Hart of the U.K.'s Christian Institute put it bluntly: "A homophobic hatred law would be used by those with an axe to grind against Christians to silence them." …Although the "hate crimes" bill which the U.S. Senate recently attached to a defense bill is ostensibly limited only to acts causing "bodily injury," the situation in Britain perfectly illustrates the slippery slope such laws would set us upon. Congress should oppose, or President Bush should veto, any bill that adds "sexual orientation" to federal hate crimes law.

“…an axe to grind against Christians to silence them.” But, that theory could never apply here, Tony, since we’re such a Christian country founded on Judeo-Christian principles! Gasp!

I checked on the U.K.’s Christian Institute and I noted that while Colin Hart looked as if he had just scrubbed his face with Mop ‘N Glow, Tony Perkins still has him beat in the “I-look-like-a-choirboy”* department.

Now, Tony, let’s go back about, oh, 1600 years: a Christian mob dragged the great mathematician Hypatia from her chariot, dragged her to what had been the Great Library of Alexandria (the one they’d burned down twenty years earlier for not having enough Christian books), took sharp oyster shells and flayed her alive in front of her students. That same mob, by the way, was slightly encouraged by the local bishop, Theopholis (who supposedly headed up a kind of ecclesiastical mafia) and was acting on the “slippery slope” started by the Roman Emperor Theodotius when he declared paganism a crime.

So, Tony, it seems the slippery slope can go both ways. BTW: were any of Hypatia’s murderers put in jail?

*”…and I’m a protégé of God himself, um, I mean Pat Robertson.”

What Price Blogging?

Dear friends, editors, journalists, truck drivers, sanitation district maintenance men, anybody:

Am I the only person who reads my blog? Are so many people busy blogging that there are no actual readers out there? Are the “comments” posted really fiction, making it seem like people are reading the blogs? Is there a blogger Mafia I’m not aware of, so that if you want your blog read, you have to pay for the privilege? Is my site so irrelevant and boring that people yawn in the middle of the second sentence and anxiously click back to the previous site (like How to Get Rid of Those Ugly Warts! on AOL)? Is my grammar crappy? Should I go back to wearing a hairpiece? Should I have a picture of my cat watching me blog?

Come on, someone, gimme me a sign of encouragement. For me, blogging’s not easy: I’m not fast enough and I’m not hooked up intravenously to the news media. How can some people do it every day? Maybe there are paid “ghost bloggers” or modern day Agnes Gooches glued to screens and keyboards. After all, people like Anderson Cooper and Oprah couldn’t possibly keep up their blogs by themselves could they? I consistently search for the timeliest news on the topics of religion and politics, hoping to be the first one to post about it so that Google Blogs will show me first. So far, it hasn’t happened. Either the last three months have had no news and the Religious Right has ceased to exist, or I’m totally missing something.

Blogging has become a race to post, a competition to see who can blog the fastest. Who can blog the wittiest and most scathing. Who can blog the most self-righteous attitude. Who can snag the most readers for advertisers. Soon there will be a veritable sea of bloggers: on trains, in speeding cars (we haven’t as yet passed a law against blogging while driving, but give it time), on the gondolas in Venice, on the backs of elephants in Thailand, on the trading floor of the New York stock exchange and in preschools everywhere.

Today, there are an estimated 75 million bloggers around the globe. A scary figure? No. This is scary: it still leaves 6 billion future bloggers to announce their angst and frustration to the world; 6 billion people to tell us their opinions, their highs, their lows, their how-tos, their warnings, their politics. Everyone will be blogging. Why hasn’t God started blogging yet? Certainly all his followers seem to be falling into line. Maybe He’s too busy reading everyone’s blogs. No, He hasn’t read mine yet, because I think I would know. Lightening hasn’t struck me – yet.

So here I sit pounding a keyboard instead of feeding the cat.

Why do I bother? One answer: to prove that I exist. I blog, therefore I am. When someone – anyone – comments on an article, I feel more alive. I feel connected to the rest of the world. Most people who blog feel that their personal selves are out there and, as a consequence, they are real. Autobiographies are too burdensome and it’s not kosher to publish more than three in your own lifetime. With blogging, you can spit out tiny pieces of yourself, one day at a time. And blogging is addictive: you feel that when you cease to blog, you cease to exist.

Blogging just might be the true meaning of life.

In the near future I will be conducting a “Dan Vojir’s Blog Blitz” with a special, particularly offensive anti-religious post to see if ANYONE out there is reading what I have to say. I give it a two-comment response. I will then thank those two who stumbled upon it before I give up blogging completely.

On the other hand…


Dan Vojir

Lincoln, Augustine and Bible Abuse

Last night I had the unique experience to question author and scholar Garry Wills about two of his most notable (but diverse) subjects: Abraham Lincoln and St. Augustine.

I stood in front of his autograph-signing table, nervous because I didn’t have his Pulitzer prize-winning title Lincoln at Gettysburg on hand to sign.

“Just one question, please, ah, Lincoln and Augustine…and original sin,” I blurted, hoping he would somehow know what I meant.

“Do you mean if Lincoln believed in it?”

“Well, yeah.” I felt like an awkward teenager.

He shook his head with determination.

“NO. I don’t.”

So there you have it: the Great Emancipator and champion of equality didn’t believe “equal, but born in sin” like biblical literalists or “Father of the Church” St. Augustine (who actually thought literalists were stupid).

The point is: some people use the Bible as a weapon. They did it to protect slavery. They shot verses against abolitionists with deadly aim. They abused Jews and women throughout history. From “a servant shall obey his master” to “man shall not lie with man as with a woman,” literalists have fashioned vitriol out of verses for purposes of power and hatred. Bible Abuse is twofold: it abuses both humanity and the Bible itself.

Today is “Bloggers Against Abuse” day.

Bible abuse is real.

Stop the abuse.

Jerry Sanders Uncovers the Evil Heart of SIN Diego

9/20/09

Hurry! It’s time for the televangelists, bloggers and Coultergeists of the country to rev up their engines: the Mayor of San Diego outed his own daughter and proposed same-sex marriages! He was visibly shaken when he performed this act of equality and justice, catching people completely off guard. Well, some people:

“Oh, look, he’s crying gratuitously!” laughs Coulter.

“That’s only because he’s drinking a lot of water, Ann,” says Dinesh Souza.

“And Pat Robertson just texted me that God would smite the homo-hugger with a meteor,” says James Dobson.

“I’ll dub the city Sin Diego from now on. That’s witty enough, isn’t it?” Coulter chimed in.

“Yes, but can a whole book be gotten out of this drivel?” asked Dobson.

“If we can prove that Sanders was having an affair with a stewardess in an airport restroom, then it can be a bestseller, but a short public announcement alone doesn’t give us much to go on,” says Coulter.

“Let’s hire an investigator into Sanders’ past, I don’t want to miss this chance,” said Souza, “Yep, no doubt about it. With Larry Craig on the hot toilet seat, we need a diversion. Besides he's just a mayor. He's expendable. Put a couple of Regent University law students on his case after we nail him. That'll make him feel better while getting that closet Democrat out of the way. Can I have your rolodex, Jim?”

“Sure, just don’t look at the other names.”

Hey, you KNOW they’re going to give this one their best shot. Stay tuned…

LARRY CRAIG - How will he rate on the (new, improved and extended) Scandal Scoreboard?

Way To Go Mr. Potato Head!

But You Don’t Get Into The Hypocrisy Hall of Fame (yet)

Senator Larry Craig’s shenanigans in a Minneapolis airport are helping to continue his party’s time-honored tradition of hypocrisy. His voters must be sooo proud of him. We must all remember just how difficult it is to maintain family values while cruising public restrooms. The Republican constituency of Idaho will obviously erect a statue in his honor in Boise: “He kept our families safe from people like…him.” On the scandal scoreboard, Craig gets a whopping 10 points!

Some esteemed members of the HHF:

Paul Crouch, Trinity Broadcasting Network – gay sex scandal brought out of the closet by a lover employed at TBN.
Jimmy Swaggart of “I have sinned” fame was enshrined in the HHF by virtue of his winning the Best Actor Award.
Jim Bakker – you name it, he did it – an all around HHF athelete!
Ted Haggard – has his own separate exhibit, complete with erotic photos of the hulking Mike Jones and the bag of meth.

But does Senator Craig have the stamina to be included in the HHF? The competition these days is (pardon the expression) stiff: take a look at some of the ones competing for the Hypocrisy Hall of Fame:

January 3, 2006

Reverend Dr Lonnie Latham was arrested and booked into the Oklahoma County Jail by members of the Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office. The misdemeanor charge was that of "Offering to Engage In An Act of Lewdness," a charge carrying penalties of up to a year in jail and a US$2,500 fine. Reports sourced to a police department spokesman said that he had propositioned a plainclothes police officer for oral sex in an area of the community which had been the subject of public complaints of cruising related to male prostitution.

"I was involved in a prayer ministry in that area, and I had a dialogue with police," he said, according to the website of the Daily Oklahoman newspaper. "The officer made many suggestions."

What's the name of that ministry, Lonnie? Restroom Revelations? 12 points!

October 6, 2006

Congressman Foley’s e-mails made public.

Mark Foley, a six-term Republican congressman from Florida, championed the protection of children from sexual predators. Chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children, he often spoke out about the need to catch pedophiles. In July, he attended a signing ceremony at the White House for the Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006. "We track library books better than we do sexual predators," he had argued in support of the bill.

Apparently we DO track sexual predators fairly well, Mark. It may take us some time when they have an ”Rep.” Or a “Sen.” In front of their names, but we can smell ‘em. 10 points, Mark.

Aug. 23, 2007

The preacher husband of televangelist, Juanita Bynum, who has won a national following with sermons about women's empowerment will be charged with aggravated assault and terroristic threats following a confrontation in which he left her badly bruised, Atlanta police said.

A televangelist with sermons on women’s empowerment being strangled by her preacher husband? This “inspiration” for women is definitely “inspired” when it comes to hypocrisy. Way to go, Juanita!! 15 Points!!

July 10, 2007
Senator David Vitter (Republican, LA)

“His brand is Southern social conservative, a defender of family values, morality and faith who once said no issue was more important than protecting the sanctity of marriage.”

So who knew? Apparently a lot of people in both Washington and Louisiana. But since you’re only on several lists of madams, your accomplishments are quite common. Only 5 points. Great hypocrite, but not very imaginative.

July 11, 2007

Orlando Sentinel: Republican Rep. Bob Allen of Merritt Island, whose district includes a large swath of east Orange County, was arrested for soliciting a male undercover police officer for sex in a Titusville park restroom.

In the taped statement that was tossed out Monday, Allen said he was just playing along because he was intimidated by the undercover officer, who he described as a "stocky black guy," and that he thought he was going to be robbed.House Speaker Marco Rubio stripped Allen of his legislative committee appointments, saying he could "no longer effectively serve the people" of his district. Police also said Allen indicated he had $800 in his car.

So, while denying he’s a “john”, the revered lawmaker made himself guilty of racial profiling. And, believe it or not, it only gets better:

Hours after state Rep. Bob Allen was unceremoniously stripped of his legislative-committee appointments Wednesday, he said he is perhaps "the most misunderstood guy on Earth."In the weeks since his arrest July 11 on a charge that he offered to perform oral sex on an undercover police officer and pay him $20, he has made comments that offended two of Florida's largest minority groups -- Hispanics and blacks.On Wednesday, he told newspapers he felt he was being considered guilty even before his first court date -- as would happen in a totalitarian government such as Cuba. Allen, R-Merritt Island, spent part of the day explaining he wasn't comparing House Speaker Marco Rubio, who made the committee assignments and is Cuban-American, to Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.

O.K., Bob, YOU WIN!! How many guys can manage all of that hypocrisy from sitting on the john waiting for a “john”? 20 points!! The Republicans in Orlando are truly blessed! The Hypocrisy Hall of Fame now has a brand new resident!

Technorati Profile

Another Lions' Den

This is a VERY scary video. Thanks to Rick Perlman of Common Sense and to Max Blumenthal who produced the video and went into the LIONS'DEN to do it!



I'm sure that if the convention had been held at the Creation Museum, some people might have been wearing Pebbles and Bam-Bam costumes. We can only hope that ourcountry's Jews are sensible enough to see through this situation: according to Revelations, only 144,000 Jew will make it to Heaven. The people like DeLay who can't wait for the End Times seem VERY happy that a number of innocent (but non-converted) Jews and Gentiles will burn in hell.

As Karen Armstrong said (The Battle for God): "...other reformers in our own day [Fundamentalists] have also evolved a religion in which the love of God is often balanced by a hatred of other human beings."

Sophistication Ain't What It Used to Be!

A Tale of Two Water Fountains

Back in the days of Jim Crow, gas stations across the South always had two water fountains: one labeled “white” and the other “colored”. Now if a modern-day segregation took hold, what would be the labels of the same two drinking fountains?

From TPM Café: (http://electioncentral.tpmcafe.com)
7/12/07

Hindu Chaplain Rajan Zed, a Nevada resident, gave the opening prayer in the Senate at the invitation of U.S. Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.). As he began his remarks, two protestors interrupted the proceedings, asking for forgiveness from Jesus Christ for the “abomination” of failing to pray to the “one true God.” (The sergeant-at-arms had to restore order.)

Religious Right groups have been agitating against the Hindu leader’s prayer since it was announced. The Rev. Donald Wildmon’s American Family Association has asked his members to complain to their senators about the invitation.

One astute comment:

Talibangelists

Sending 'em to jail will only fuel their feelings of persecution. They can all live their Revelations just like John did when he wrote the wackiest chapter in the bible. Little do they realize that their beloved GOP acts more like the Romans than the Christians.

Fundamentalism makes people crazy.

And the Christian Right’s Spin:

Theology has moved from the church house onto the floor of the United States Senate, and has been arrested.The falsehood of Hinduism was eloquently challenged yesterday by those who know the truth that sets people free - Jesus. We pray that their lives will inspire many to do the same and call our nation to repentance and to return to the God of our fathers. May the hallowed halls and chambers of the Congress of the United States of America never again entertain the false religions of this age.

History is repeating itself in the above incident, but I can’t exactly put my finger on the exact moment.

For me, the most frightening point about the Senate protest is that it could just as well have been an assassination of the Hindu Chaplain. Yes, parts of Christianity are leaning that way. In fact, we may soon see a rise of Christo-fascism, where everyone who’s anyone swears to accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior. Currently, we are witnessing Christian leaders who openly vilify the First Amendment because it allows for freedom of religion. “One Nation, Under a Christian God ONLY” might yet be approved as an amendment to the Amendment. And those two fountains?

“Why, he sure didn’t look like no heathen to me, Herb, so of course I let him drink from the ‘Christians Only’ water fountain!”

The Bad Samaritans

The Bad Samaritans

Different Perspectives in the Wake of the Iraqi Orphan Scandal.

An “infant asylum” in Quebec circa 1935

Are “children of sin” considered human? Are severely handicapped children considered worthless? When Original Sin is not considered enough to stigmatize infants and children, what will?

In the wake of the Iraqi orphan abuse scandal, I struggled with two images in particular: the ones with the smiling women amongst the curled-up, naked and emaciated bodies of some of the children. Even though I live in San Francisco, I was, in fact, too close to the situation.

You see, I was born in an orphanage in Chicago, "but for the grace of God” I narrowly escaped becoming a Duplessis Orphan:

The 40s,50s and early 60s were hard times for the people of Quebec. Many children were given up by their parents to orphanages and even more “children of sin” (illegitimate) were born (as I was) in “infant asylums.” Moreover, it was a time when the Catholic Church dominated all of the area’s orphanages and insane asylums. In 1988, a child abuse scandal rocked Quebec: in order to receive more money from the government for the orphans’ care, the Church doctored medical records and declared a number of orphans as either insane or retarded. Thousands of normal children were shipped to asylums, medically experimented upon and, in some cases, given lobotomies. Many were physically and even sexually abused. Shock treatments were common. There were 52 such faith-based organizations in Quebec Province. Over a period of three decades, more than 7000 lives were ruined.

And some didn’t survive at all: an unmarked gravesite at one of the asylums is still being investigated: the survivors – calling themselves the Duplessis Orphans (after the corrupt premier of the Province at the time) – want to have autopsies performed to shed light on the extent of the abuse, but the Catholic Church has strongly objected. In an interview conducted by CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company):

He [Cardinal Turcotte] says that the church was the sole institution willing to help the orphans. He also states that the church shouldn't be held responsible for systemic abuse.

Quebec Premier Bernard Landry: "It was the acceptance by our society of a somber episode in our history."

Back in Iraq, one article placing the blame on American propaganda quoted a government official as saying “these children were lucky to be taken in. They’re lives were saved.”

From IraqSlogger.com:

Taking part in the press conference was the director of the orphanage, Dhiaa’ Abdul Amir, who had fled after U.S. troops found the center. He denied that there was any abuse of the children, adding that the photos released by the U.S. military focused on two boys suffering from skin infections but that the rest of the children were healthy.

"Those handicapped children were abandoned by their families and we are trying to save them from death.”

Iraq and Quebec: so different and yet oddly similar. In Iraq, even though the women in the pictures were not Catholic nuns, they were given the same charge: “These helpless children now depend on you.” They were also given something else: unbridled respect for their positions. That is what makes the two cases so similar: unequivocal trust and respect. Good Samaritans are never criticized – or investigated. Both the nuns of Quebec and the Iraqi women thought that they were doing nothing wrong. Both probably thought to themselves “they’re lucky to be here at all! Food and services are wasted on them!”

In both cases, they abused trusts as well as children.

God, Karen Armstrong and a Pair of Speedos

Irritating Annoyance #453: “So what do you believe in?” Unfortunately, “Why do I have to believe in anything?” is not an answer people are satisfied with, so…

I believe in God, humanity and Karen Armstrong.

I also believe in Bart Erhman, John Boswell, Elaine Pagels, Morton Smith and Gary Wills. I believe in Biblical scholars. I’ll listen to people who have studied ancient Hebrew, ancient Greek, Assyrian, Sumerian, Aramaic and maybe a little Coptic. Also: the anthropology, geology, archeology, ancient history and sociology of Palestine and Mesopotamia.

I believe in a spherical earth. I believe the earth rotates on an axis (some don’t – read this:
http://www.fixedearth.com/)

I believe in the Greek virtues: Knowledge, Wisdom, Compassion, and Love. Oh, and the gay virtue: looking great in a pair of Speedos.

I believe that man was created to survive and, as a result, he has a mandate to help everyone survive by making the earth a better place to live.

I believe that hatred is man’s most absurd emotion. Anything that negative and counter to survival is abysmally stupid. There is only a small difference between hating someone for what they've done and hating a piece of furniture you crash into in the dark. However, “Love the sinner, hate the sin” is against human nature. That’s why Christ was considered such a rebel: he was the first to tell the Jews to love their enemies. To be fair, however, Socrates and Confucius came up with the idea 300 years before Christ. I don’t think Christ was that original. Looking back at its history, Christianity wasn’t all that original either.

I believe in pure, unequivocal compassion: writing about the Axial Age which began our religious traditions, Karen Armstrong states:

What mattered was not what you believed but how you behaved. Religion was about doing things that changed you at a profound level….The only way you could encounter what they called “God,” “Nirvana,” “Brahman,” or the “Way” was to live a compassionate life. (Armstrong, The Great Transformation, p.xvii)

Now for the “don’t believes”:

I don’t believe in religion as entertainment, so I don’t believe we need megachurches. Spirituality and connection with God do not need fog machines, rock bands, or congregations singing the latest Kumbaya.

I don’t believe in faith-healing or glossolalia (speaking in tongues). I think there’s a hooker near where I live and she might be named Glossolalia, but she only speaks English (I think).

I don’t believe in automatic “reverence” for a person just because they have “Reverend” in front of their name. Same for “Dr.” I don’t believe in Pat Robertson, Creflo Dollar, D. James Kennedy or James Dobson. "Dr." Jerry Falwell received not one, but two honorary "doctorates from unacredited colleges. He never corrected anyone. And donations don’t necessarily have to go hand-in-hand with respect.

I certainly don’t believe in Beverly LaHaye.

I don’t believe in Original Sin. I think it was an invention of St. Augustine. After all, he felt so guilty about stealing pears from a neighbor’s garden when he was a teenager that he felt everyone else in the world must be born in sin. Original Sin (like “The Rapture”) isn’t in the Bible. Look it up. Human beings aren’t born with black marks against them. It’s the biggest guilt trip ever perpetrated by Catholic nuns and televangelists. And it’s insulting to assume that anyone is a sinner just because they were born. While no one should be told they were born perfect, guilt of self and fear of God have done more damage to the human race than anything else.

Again, I believe in God, humanity and Karen Armstrong.

Oh, and I believe that looking great in a pair of Speedos should become a religion.

Oh! The Horror of it All!

June 1, 2007


- by Dan Vojir

Once a week, I stare in shock as people struggle against a horrible monster: knowledge. You see, (to me at least) the scariest moments on television occur during Jay Leno’s segments called “Jay Walking”. These are on-the-street interviews questioning people with such profound queries as “Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb?” And although the most astonishingly stupid answers come forth, the most frightening aspect of the show is that these people are actually walking our supposedly civilized streets as average Americans. Actually, they may all be afflicted with gnosiophobia (fear of knowledge) so I shouldn’t be too harsh.

On the other hand, there’s the new Creation Museum: I’m not afraid of the huge animatronic dinosaurs cavorting with Adam and Eve, but I am scared to death that people actually believe they did. When I first saw videos of people at the grand opening making statements like “finally, a place where we can come to show our children what really happened in creation” I had the same sense of horror as when I see someone at the supermarket buying a copy of Weekly World News because, you see, they believe that the front page photo really IS Bigfoot’s baby!

Ninety-five percent of today’s evangelical Christians are Bible illiterates: they can’t tell you how the Bible was written much less relate who Athanasius* was. I’ll bet that very few people at the opening of the Museum could cite all Ten Commandments.

Imagine: 4000 people in one place who insist that the earth is only 6,000 years old, that the Grand Canyon was formed by Noah’s Flood and that Adam and Eve, along with Pebbles and Bam Bam rode on the back of Dino for fun. I’m getting chills just thinking about it.

An article by Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins crowed about a Gallup Poll stating that 31% of the Americans believe the Bible to be literally true – word for word. Fortunately, the poll also indicated that the higher the level of education, the smaller the percentage. Perkins forgot to mention that. Still, the level of ignorance in America is at an all time high.** Our schools no longer graduate future scientists or anthropologists; instead, they graduate biblical literalists who eschew history and politicians who promise to keep America Christian. And America stands proudly in its ignorance: the Creation Museum showed the world how reverently we treat such grandiose stupidity. Other less Christian countries are already talking about our new “Yabba Dabba” science. This means that in a few years, Ecuador may be ahead of us in medical breakthroughs.

Are you scared yet?

I am. I’m frightened beyond belief.

*Saint and Early Christian Church Father (d. 373) who dictated which books of the Bible were Scripture. He was also (allegedly) head of an ”ecclesiastical mafia” which violently enforced his ideologies.

**State senators in Texas and Georgia have actually tried to stop schools teaching that the earth rotates. They based their beliefs on one very “scientific” website: www.fixedearth.com

Huckabee and the Southern Baptist Convention Vs. The Deadly Hug-a-Thugs!

What Would Huckabee do?

IS THIS HIS WORLD VIEW??

Now that some Americans have stopped chanting "Peace on Earth, Good Will Towards Men," let's get back to politics as usual. And to the Religious Right - as usual.

I almost didn't publish this post. It might be too blasphemous - even for me. I sat on it for a good part of three months.

Then the hypocrisy of Christmas set in and how the the Religious Right was going to promote 2008 as a year for "voters' values." (Scroll down to see The Inflatable Nativity). And Mike Huckabee's recently disclosed comments about quaranteening AIDS patients also struck a sour note with me.

I have a Google Alert for “Christianity’s Crimes” and a while ago it came up with WORLDVIEW: Thugs run Caesar’s realm, not God’s, and the article was posted to TownHall.com. Intrigued, I pulled it up. At first it looked to me as if the author had caught a rare case of polemicitis (a mental disease that uses meaningless ranting as a weapon). Then I saw the affiliation of the author: The Southern Baptist Convention. It made more sense: a fundamentalist missionary telling everyone that true Christians will prevail over the dreaded “hug-a-thugs.” Now that’s a B-movie in the making! So, sit down with armchair critics Karbo, Kelso and Klutx – ala Mystery Science Theater 3000 - and let’s watch:

RICHMOND, Va. (BP)--If you're disgusted and disillusioned by U.S. politics, I suggest you count your blessings.

There may not be any new Jeffersons or Washingtons on the horizon, but we've got it better than most. Many places in the world resemble the playgrounds where kids learn the law of the human jungle: Bullies rule.

Kelso: Yeah, kid, gimme a piece of your Congo!

Sure, schoolyard tough guys occasionally get what they dish out. But that's usually the exception, not the norm. On the global stage, the same age-old story plays out. From neighborhood godfathers to national dictators, thugs thrive.

Klutx:: And popes, fathers of the church, inquisitors, bishops, ministers, The Southern Baptist Convention, and televangelists with private jets.

Karbo:: Is he talking about thugs or feminists? I always get them mixed up.

As Chairman Mao observed, power -- the power most people understand, at any rate -- "comes from the barrel of a gun."

Kelso: And from the back of a lead-lined pulpit.

Karbo: No guns, though. They slice people up with light sabers and verses from the Bible.

The age of the 20th-century "mega thugs" (Mao, Stalin, Hitler) who subjugated vast portions of humanity may have passed, but plenty of Wannabes imitate them on a smaller scale. Examples:
Strongmen and spies have reasserted control over some former communist states after an all-too-brief spring of freedom.

Kelso: Must’ve watched a lot of Jimmy Cagney and Edward G. Robinson movies when they were in captivity.

Karbo: Yeah, commissar Capones pushin’ bathtub Stoli.

The nine nations of central Africa, home to nearly 100 million people, are rich in natural resources and should constitute one of the globe's most prosperous areas by now, observes mission strategist Justin Long. Instead, they are "devastated by coups, wars, repressive governments and mismanagement, become the second-poorest region in the world...."

Karbo: But that was way after missionaries and the Bible said slavery was O.K. Hey, it’s better to be a Christian slave heathen than just a mere heathen… isn’t it?

Klutx: Let’s give ‘em some cotton and tobacco seeds. (sings) Ole Nile River, ‘dat Ole Nile River…

To maintain total control over their crumbling societies and economies, several dictators in Asia and Africa appear quite willing to allow significant percentages of their populations to starve.

Kelso: Just like Rumsfield’s “old Europe.” I heard Cardinal Richelieu treated the poor as if they were royalty, but later on they sent some clergy to the guillotine. That’s gratitude for ya.

Klutx:: Didn’t Richelieu look at lot like Tim Curry?

Karbo: No, more like Charleton Heston, but without a gun.

Some of the world's most dangerous and unstable regimes possess nuclear weapons, and others are working hard to acquire them. Terrorists likely will obtain nukes within 10 years, predicts Forecasting International, an agency that tracks possible future scenarios.

Klutx: Oh, I know, that’s the Al Roker Fan Club isn’t it?

Karbo: Keep up with the news, dude. Al almost got burned at the stake for predicting the weather with Runes and calling Anne Coulter an eye sore instead of eye candy.

Smaller-scale terrorist attacks will increase and terrorist groups will multiply. Al Qaeda-inspired franchises and spinoffs might come to political power in "any of perhaps a dozen countries" in the Arab world, South Asia or the "stans" of formerly Soviet Central Asia, warns Forecasting International President Marvin J. Cetron. "As things stand," he adds, "the war on terror will drag on for decades."

True, some thugs have been brought to justice in recent years, including Iraq's Saddam Hussein and Serbian dictator Slobodan Milosevic. The five-year-old International Criminal Court is pursuing some of the worst African despots and mass murderers. Liberian warlord Charles Taylor is on trial for crimes against humanity.

Karbo:(Gasp!) Charles Taylor? Isn’t he the guy Pat Robertson told us was a devout Christian? Didn’t he get jobs for all those Liberarians in Pat’s mines pickin’ diamonds? You can’t trust anybody these days.

"These are uncomfortable times for tyrants, past and present," suggests The Economist magazine. "They used to be able to escape justice through brutality at home, or if that failed, fleeing abroad. Now justice's arms are looking longer and more muscular."

Klutx: Which gym does justice go to?

Kelso: I saw her arms. They were pretty buff before John Ashcroft covered up everything to shield us from those perky breasts.

But long-term prospects aren't encouraging when the supposedly civilized world can't define what tyranny is. Six years after the Sept. 11 attacks, the United Nations General Assembly "lacks the moral clarity to even agree on a definition of terrorism," wrote human-rights expert Joseph Loconte in Christianity Today. "Of the 53 member states of the Human Rights Commission, at least 25 percent were considered 'not free' by leading human-rights organizations.... During the last two decades, attempts to produce resolutions critical of human-rights violators routinely died in their crib -- blocked in backroom maneuvers" by notorious state sponsors of human rights abuse who were commission members.

Klutx: So that’s why Bolton hates the U.N. so much! Weren’t some of those ‘not free’ nations America’s best friends? Didn’t we give them some guns to play with?

The U.N. finally abolished the Human Rights Commission last year and replaced it with the new Human Rights Council. But that body, Loconte reported, "appears to have the same hug-a-thug mentality."

Karbo: I really like “hug-a-thug” – sounds like some toilet paper ad in a whitewashed version of the 50s.

Kelso: It’s a new left-wing subversive cheer: “Hug-a-thug, Hug-a-thug, sis boom bah! U.N. U.N. Rah! Rah! Rah!”

As much as international idealists and proponents of democracy want to believe otherwise, freedom does not easily bloom in the hard soil of human corruption. Some oppressed peoples even welcome the enforced stability of tyranny as an alternative to chaos, which can be worse.
"The end of the Cold War promised to heal the rift between democracy and dictatorship. More nations would be welcomed into the community of free peoples," recalls New York Times columnist David Brooks. However, "The fall of communism hasn't created a global community of democracies. It turns out the Russians don't want to be like us. The Arabs don't want help from infidels. The Iraqis' democratic moment has turned into sectarian chaos. The Palestinians have turned theirs into a civil war."

Karbo: I can’t see why they hate us so much. We’re such open-minded and sophisticated people.

Klutx: Yeah, just ask any French waiter.

Kelso: We gave the world Disneyland for crissakes! How dare they!
In such a world, should Christians hunker down and hope for better days? By no means!

Klutx: Oh oh! Here it comes…(hums Onward Christian Soldiers)

Karbo: No, it should be: “Off we go, into the wild blue yonder!” (All three) “Yat ta da, ta ta ta da!

Caesars of various sorts may dominate the political realm; Jesus acknowledged as much (Luke 20:25). But they don't control human souls. They might slow the spread of the Gospel, but they can't stop it. In many cases, they unwittingly hasten the church's expansion by attempting to control or crush it. Christianity's first great age of growth occurred amid the brutal persecutions -- and later the collapse -- of the Roman Empire. Most modern mission advances have come through storms of resistance.

Klutx: Yep, right after book burnings, witch burnings, heathen burnings, student burnings, cross burnings and ...

Kelso:…a couple of forced conversions.

The only force that effectively silences the Gospel is the reluctance of believers to share it. A follower of Christ recently attempted to tell a man about Jesus in a country long closed to missions -- and long ruled by a notorious dictator. The man immediately stopped him, saying, "Don't talk to me about these things. I was in a Christian country for several years and nobody spoke to me of this when I was there. Why should I listen to you now?"

Klutx: Because I have a loaded Bible in my hand, dude.

What a tragic indictment. Remember it the next time you have the opportunity to tell someone from an oppressed land about the Lord.

Karbo: From the driver’s seat of your Mercedes, then roll the window up.

THE END

Kelso: I’m glad that one’s over, what a lousy script! Couldn’t they have hired Pat Boone to write it?

Klutx: Or even Debbie Boone.

Kelso: I liked Pat Robertson vs the Heathen Zombies from San Francisco better. The special effects were awesome!

Karbo: And their weapons were cool! Let’s see it again!

Kelso: But only if we get some popcorn and drinks first, these double-features make me hungry.

Note:The author of the "hug-a-thug" article - Erich Bridges - is senior writer with the Southern Baptist International Mission Board. You can reach him through The Southern Baptist Press.