Saturday, January 23, 2010

St. Ann Coulter: The Alternate Patron Saint of Hopeless Causes

And what more hopeless a cause than
the image of George W. Bush.

"To force poor ex-President Bush -- like he hasn't suffered enough -- to be hanging around with Bill Clinton, who's leaving his essence on Kleenex in the White House..." she said to a chorus of groans from the rest of the panel.


Saint Jude's attribute is a CLUB. He is also often shown in icons with a flame around his head. This represents his presence at Pentecost, when he received the Holy Spirit with the other apostles. Occasionally he is represented holding an axe or halberd, as he was brought to death by one of these weapons. In some instances he may be shown with a scroll or a book (the Epistle of Jude) or holding a carpenter's rule.

Dear Saint Ann:

Thank you for the way you came to the defense of our dear, dear former maybe-President George Bush. You answered our prayers so swiftly, too! Why, it was only eight years ago that we saw him suffering the indignities of cartoonists and stand-up comedians around the country who seemed fiendishly to enjoy the hateful things they said about him: "Diplomatic dimwit" "Turd Blossom's boy toy" "Dan Quayle in disguise" We prayed to you for him then with such earnestness! Those of us who rallied around him at the start tried to be as courageous as possible, but some drifted away. Now there are just a few of us stalwarts who believed and still believe his story of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Dear St. Ann, please, please give him the courage and strength to last out his days in peace despite the rancor of nations worldwide! Please let his beautiful legacy come forth in his lifetime!

Your ever obedient and humble petitioner,

Ima Filindiblank


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