Monday, October 6, 2008

Holy Pat Robertson! The "Lions of Tarshish" Landed in Davenport, Iowa!

All just a hop, skip, and a jump from Davenport, Iowa!

Hope They're Not Too Hungry!

Ever media-hungry Pat Robertson has tried to muscle in on the national news before and this time he doesn't disappoint: Between now and the inauguration of the next president, Israel will do a pre-emptive strike against Iran and send the Middle East into a tailspin, not to mention usher in Christ for Armeggedon and the Millenium.

(From Pat Robertson's website)

Where will the United States be in all of this conflict? According to Ezekiel, the “young lions of Tarshish” will be questioning the Russians about their aggression – questioning, but not acting to stop it. Who are these “young lions of Tarshish?” Tarshish was the region beyond Cadiz in Spain. In antiquity, explorers from Tarshish came to Ireland, then across the ocean to North America, traveling the Mississippi River as far as the present-day site of Davenport, Iowa.

OMG! Hmm... do you know of anyone from Davenport, IA who looks kind of, well, you know, un-American? I've been there - my maternal grandfather is buried there - but I never saw anyone vaguely Semitic. Will you vote Republican to shore up our defenses? Should we watch Christian Broadcasting Network for further updates? (Because, as everyone knows, all of the other "news" programs are bastions of Godless atheism!). Should we warn Iran? (There must be SOME good Iranians there, possibly some Christians hiding in catacombs).

"...Will this unfold all at once? It’s difficult to say. But what is clear is this: The Israeli strike against Iran will be the trigger. From then on, dramatic events will follow in quick succession. It all will conclude when God has rained fire on the islands of the sea and on the invading force coming against Israel."

Reality check here: the "Lions of Tarshish" have about five different Biblical meanings, only one of which (Ezekiel) mentions something about a city which might have been called Tartessos in southern Spain which might have had trade relations with the city of Tyre. The Bible says nothing about the children of Tarshish settling in Davenport, IA or even going to Ireland. Robertson's "antiquity" is immensely screwed up.

Could it be that national and international news has taken its toll on poor Pat's self-esteem and he is, again, crying desperately for attention? Could it be that, in his own inimitable way, he is saying "See what you get for not electing me president in '88!" His website touts him as a "Statesman" because he ran for election and spoke to some national leaders. As I've said before, "statesman" is different than "politician." Madelaine Albright was a "statesman" while George W. Bush is a politician (as was his father).
They don't look corn-fed to me!

Could it be that this is Pat's way of telling every "Christian" to vote against Barack Hussein Obama? Maybe he (like some other dimwits) truly believes that Obama is the AntiChrist.

Sorry, Pat. That spot's already been taken up by Sarah Palin.

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