152 Days: The War Against Boredom - Can Obama and McCain Keep the Circus Running?

Little Donkeys Pulling a Warrior (in spite of themselves) and... Old Photo Old Elephants Old Politics

The Environment. Racism. Iraq. Faulty Economy....Politics
Now THAT'S Entertainment!

Obama-McCain, McCain-Obama - incessantly. You will be hearing about them and their running mates for a long time. For 152 days, in fact. You thought that the juggle-the-crazy-minister acts were fun. If neither of them come up with more entertainment, we will all be bored to death by platitudes. Of course, their running mates will take center stage for a while with biographies and vicious profiles that no one could endure - unless they're in a coma.

And they will attack each other incessantly, although they will say that the other is playing "dirty politics" (forgetting that all politics is dirty). They will both come to "low blows" and "cheap shots". They will "swift boat" each other and their mates will be compared to Jackie Kennedy or Eleanor Roosevelt.

Why? First of all, remember that America has made a religion out of entertainment (and an entertainment out of religion). Take away our gas-guzzling SUVs, our MacDonald's, our Walmarts, but don't even think of messing with our God-given right to entertainment. The other reason for such frenzied hoopla: like some Thanksgiving dinner at your mother's house, there are just too many things to serve up: changes in politics, in administration, in health care, in foreign policy and, yes, even in "morals". And each candidate has to stuff them into a turkey the size of a hippo.

Don't worry, we won't explode; we'll want to see what they both say about obesity in this country.

And they'll juggle: the failings of Medicare, the bankruptcy crisis, revamping FEMA, the cost of prescription medications, recalling troops from Iraq, flag-pins, prayer in schools, evolution vs intelligent design, ethanol.

They'll both have to spruce up old political lions and war horses to support them. Old grade school teachers will be interviewed, even scrutinized. They will need to polish old records or hide them or put a different slant to them. Their aides will dodge and weave and balance questions on their noses with perspiration running down their cheeks - if they slip, they're canned. Specialists in scooping up manure will be called upon.


The candidates will have to shine and keep their lights on day and night. Every night will be a night in the dazzling center ring (or at least look like Las Vegas). Their capacity for the spotlight will seem infinite. They will have to fend off flame-throwers - many of Bush's old policies - and at the same time become flaming sword swallowers: making the indigestible seem, well, digestible (probably Iraq). They will need to carry torches for whatever cause their audiences espouse.

They may even have to shock.

Remember when Elvis Presley shocked and entertained us just by swiveling his hips? Hell, that was the kind of crowd pleaser any politician would pay dearly for.

And what they must never do during the campaign: never show nervousness (remember the trickle of sweat down Nixon's nose compared to Kennedy's assurance?) and never, ever become tedious or boring. Boring = political death. Both Adlai Stephenson and Al Gore could tell you that.

Unfortunately, the two images the campaigners may not be able to project: Majesty...or cuteness. Such is the Circus of presidential campaigns.

Better brew up a lot of strong coffee, folks, this long, long circus show is about to begin.