Holy Hypocrisy! What a Tangled Web!

The end of the world can't come too quick for Archbishop Earl Paulk.

O.K., let's get the whole storyline straight:

Earl "Pearly" Paulk, Jr. (1927-) founded a "cutting edge" ministry and megachurch (using dance and drama) near Atlanta in1960. The ministry was called "the Harvester Ministry" and he established it with his wife, his brother Don, and his sister-in-law Clarice (No, not that one - this was waaay before Hannibal Lecter). The ministry morphed into "The Cathedral at Chapel Hill" using multimedia effects Paulk had learned while appearing in TV shows and radio broadcasts for the likes of TBN (Paul Crouch's Trinity Broadcasting Network). He eventually had a show himself.

According to Wikipedia:

In 1982, Paulk was ordained as a bishop in the International Communion of Charismatic Churches. His public housing ministry was named one of a "thousand places of light" by President George H. W. Bush[citation needed] The church has long been known for being one of the few truly integrated churches in the South.[citation needed]


Got that so far?

Enter Mona Brewer:

In 1989, Mona Brewer, who was featured as a soloist in many of Paulk's TV shows, entered into a relationship with the married Paulk because he felt "'impressed of the Lord' to get to know her better." (Hey, every woman's heard THAT one before!). Paulk got to know her "biblically" for the next 14 years.

Ho Hum, you say? Just Wait.

In 2001, while Mona was still on the scene, College student Jessica Battle alleged that Paulk had molested her between the ages of 7 and 11. That suit was settled out of court.

At the same time of the breakup between Mona and Paulk, one Cindy Hall came forward to say that she had been in an affair with both Paulk and his brother, Don since 1983! (Boy, was Mona ever pissed!).

Fast forward to 2007:

On October 14, 2007, the nephew of Earl Paulk (Don Paulk,Jr.) who succeeded him as senior pastor (he was retired by that time) informed his congregation that he was really the son of Earl Paulk and Clarise and not Don and Clarise!

Then, just after Paulk's daughter, Beth, offered an apology for her decrepit father (after all, he was 80!), her own daughter, Penny, stated (on the same FOX newschannel, forcrissakes!) that Paulk had molested HER when she was a child.

Whew!! And you thought soap operas were difficult to follow!

Of course, the only thing the goverment can pin on the guy right now is a charge of perjury (along with Clarise who called little Donnie a liar).

Archbishop Paulk has allegedly espoused Dominionism and Word of Faith doctrines.

There's nothing like looking forward to the End Times after you've had so much action yourself!

You pick: George Bush, Iraq or Lisa del Giocondo?

It's a Tough Call - Or Is It?

The top of my home page gives me a list of news articles to choose from.

Here, from Reuters, were the top three when I logged on today:

RIYADH (Reuters) - Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah hosts George W. Bush at his desert playground on Tuesday when the U.S. president will get a taste of how the royals live in the world's richest oil-producing monarchy.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Iraq's defense minister said on Monday his country would need foreign military help to defend its borders for another 10 years and would not be able to maintain internal security until 2012.

BERLIN (Reuters) - German academics believe they have solved the centuries-old mystery behind the identity of the "Mona Lisa" in Leonardo da Vinci's famous portrait.

I went right to the "Mona Lisa" article. It wasn't until I was half way through that I asked myself: why did I pick this one instead of the other two?

The Bush article was easy, of course. We've all known for years about the ties of the Bush dynasty to the House of Saud. Presumably the king will show George how a REAL ranch is run and he will have the enough diplomatic skills to warn Bush not to get his foot stuck in horse manure (this is Riyadh, George, not Crawford).

Skipping the second article, however, took me aback: was I so war-weary that the possibility of ten more years and hundred of thousands of deaths didn't mean very much to me? Did I need a break from the political world so badly that I chose to read about the origin of a painting?

Let me defend myself here for a moment. First of all, The Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci is not just another painting and it's not just a world-reknowned painting. The Mona Lisa is an icon. It is a icon of stability and hope: there is something permanent about that enigmatic smile and it gives us hope that if Lisa del Giocondo can still survive through it all, we can too. We can survive the Bush administration and Iraq.

The end of the article added something to my self-esteem in choosing it:

The painting, which hangs in the Louvre in Paris, is also known as "La Gioconda" meaning the happy or joyful woman in Italian, a title which also suggests the woman's married name.

Thank you, Leonardo. Thank you, Mrs. del Giocondo.

The AIDS-less Southern Baptist Church

History repeats itself.

Unfortunately.

AP: April 8, 2040

Former President Huckabee Cries

at Site of Ryan White's Tomb.

Former President Mike Huckabee, 85, was among the thousands of people who thronged Cicero, Indiana for the 50th anniversary of the death of 1980s AIDS victim, Ryan White. At the podium, he remarked that he was sorry never to have met Ryan's family since he knew that they were "Christians who were very courageous in such adversity."

"I hope I represent the entire Southern Baptist Convention when I say that we are deeply sorry for any possible discrimination we may have engendered. It was, unfortunately, the way of the times. In way of reparation, we have recently opened the first Southern Baptist faith-based AIDS hospice giving housing to all AIDS sufferers in the community. It is to be called the Ryan White Southern Hospitality House." There was a small patter of applause as Rev. Huckabee (now Pastor Emeritas of Colorado Spring's SBC megachurch, The Prosperous Shepherd) placed a wreath among the floral arrangements and started to weep. Then someone from his entourage reminded him that the AIDS vaccine, U69, had wiped out the disease. In fact, there had not been a case reported in over 25 years. He smiled wanly and was aided back to his seat next to current President, Barack Obama III.

People tittered when someone remarked, "He should have been pope!"*

***

AND BACK TO THE REAL WORLD:

AP Dec. 18, 2007

ATLANTA—A conference organized by former President Carter and others that aims to unite Baptists from more than 30 denominations says major political figures from both parties are tentatively planning to come.

Former Vice President Al Gore, former President Clinton and Republican Sens. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina and Charles Grassley of Iowa, are slated to appear at the event in Atlanta. Among the conference topics are evangelism, criminal justice, preaching, interfaith relations, racism, HIV/AIDS and religious liberty. The meeting is scheduled for Jan. 30-Feb. 1.

The gathering is part of an effort, called the New Baptist Covenant, that's meant to pool the resources of the many Baptist groups and escape the shadow of the conservative Southern Baptist Convention.

Needless to say, The Southern Baptist Convention will not be represented.

To date, none of the churches of the Southern Baptist Convention have ever sponsored any form of AIDS agency here in this country in the last 25 years. All AIDS efforts are focused on foreign countries (mostly Africa) and the promotion of "abstinance only" programs.

Some day in the VERY distant future, Southern Baptists might just get this Christian thing right.

*Author's Note: Well, let's face it, the SBC took 140 years to apologize for slavery. However, they're slightly quicker than the Roman Catholic Church when it apologized for Jewish persecution. Ten times faster, in fact.

A New Wave of Militant Homosexual Violence!

Huckabee and the Professional Haters

Let's face it, people, the world is made up of amateurs and professionals. Wikipedia defines a professional as: "...a worker required to possess a large body of knowledge derived from extensive academic study (usually tertiary), with the training almost always formalized."
That sometimes includes extensive studies in a specialized field...such as hatred.

But where does someone study hatred? It can be studied in various places, e.g. in the local library, in school, from peers, and today, even from home-schooling. But truly professional haters can also come from the hallowed halls of seemingly unlikely places: theological seminaries.

Rousas John Rushdoony graduated from the Pacific School of Religion in 1944. He studied Calvinism extensively and became a member of the John Birch Society, claiming that the JBS had a lot in common with early Christianity. He founded The Chalcedon Foundation in 1965. This group actively espouses Christian Recontructionism. I know I'm getting a little oblique here, but please be patient. Reconstructionism is so far to the right that it's off the screen: strict Reconstructionists believe that all civil laws should be based on strict Biblical laws. That means that they would advocate stoning for: homosexuality, adultery, incest, lying about one's virginity, bestiality, witchcraft, idolatry, apostasy, blasphemy, "false prophesying," kidnapping, rape and perjury. And since the Bible condones slavery, well, guess who would be put back in Uncle Tom's Cabin.

Many Southern Baptist ministers try to distance themslves from The Chalcedon Foundation and Reconstructionism.

Ministers like Mike Huckabee. Men of God. Practitioners of the Bible. Charmers all.

Read this piece by Wayne Besen (Anything But Straight) and you'll see why Huckabee advocated quarantining of AIDS patients and about his possible link to the Chalcedon Foundation. Mike's Lost Decade.

It's relatively easy to find the result of Reconstructionism's theology: simply go to http://www.conservapedia.com/ and read this "trustworthy" encylopedia's article on homosexuality.

It's opinion of hate-crime laws:

Such laws will open up a new wave* of militant homosexual violence, just as "He insulted my wife" can be used as defense against an assault charge.[Citation Needed]

Is that violence by homosexuals or against homosexuals, I wonder.

*NEW wave? When was the last wave? I must have been asleep.

Burn Them! Buuurn Them!!

The Stake's On The Other Foot

The Family Research Council's Tony Perkins has discovered more horrible persecutions:

The National Academy of Sciences and the Institute of Medicine have mounted yet another attack on the scientific theory of intelligent design, publishing an 89-page book titled Science, Evolution, and Creationism....Perhaps the biggest problem with the defenders of Darwinian evolution is that, ironically, they have reversed the roles in the supposed historical "war between science and religion," by declaring Darwinism to be inerrant dogma, and punishing its doubters by burning them at the academic stake. Read the whole text here.
So, how does it feel, Tony?

A whopping 89 pages! Was it a hard read, Tony? Evidently, disputing creationism isn't very difficult.

Tony also states:

The new publication falsely equates "intelligent design" (a scientific theory which infers the necessity for intelligent design from scientific evidence) with "creationism" (a term usually used for a theory of origins that begins with the Bible or some other religious text). .. It also slanders intelligent design as "unscientific" despite peer-reviewed articles on the concept and the credentials of 700 doctoral-level scientists who have publicly questioned Darwinism.

Hmmm. A scientific theory backed by 700 doctoral-level scientists. Sounds like the very same people who backed the Answers in Genesis Creation Museum in Kentucky (see my very first blog post, "The Horror of it All!"). Some of those people had doctorates too, but not in related sciences. Notice the wording: "...who have publicly questoned Darwinism." Perkins doesn't say these people agree with Intelligent Design. Sneeky, Tony.

Even so, can we still burn those guys in one big auto de fe? Take that, Salem!

A Tale of Two Wikis

I hope Barack Obama doesn't read this.

It's too aggravating.

Profiles are meant to be unbiased and fact-based, but even Wikipedia gets in a few buzz words now and then. Just look at the lead-in for Barack Obama:

Barack Hussein Obama... (born August 4, 1961) is the junior United States Senator from Illinois and a leading candidate for the Democratic nomination in the 2008 presidential election.[2][3] He is the fifth African American Senator in U.S. history, the third popularly elected African American Senator, and the only African American currently serving in the U.S. Senate.[4] Born in Honolulu to a Kenyan father and an American mother, Obama grew up in culturally diverse surroundings. He lived most of his early life in Hawaii, and spent four of his pre-teen years in Jakarta, Indonesia. A graduate of Columbia University and Harvard Law School, Obama worked as a community organizer, university lecturer, and civil rights lawyer before running for public office. He served in the Illinois Senate from 1997 to 2004, launching his campaign for U.S. Senate in 2003.

Now read the one from Conservapedia:


Barack Hussein Obama (b. 4 August 1961) is the junior Senator from Illinois, elected to the United States Senate as a Democrat in 2004. He is, as of 2007, the only African American serving in the United States Senate, where he serves his first term.


Despite a lack of military, executive or foreign policy experience, he is currently a liberal favorite for the Democratic Nomination for President of the United States in the 2008 election. He has no clear personal achievement that cannot be explained as the likely result of affirmative action. Some examples border on the absurd: Obama has no background in physics, yet it is claimed that "Obama analyzed and integrated Einstein's theory of relativity, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, as well as the concept of curved space as an alternative to gravity, for a Law Review article ... titled, 'The Curvature of Constitutional Space.'" [1]


Note: this quote from a reporter of CBS News is not so absurd when you know it was expressly written as research for the Harvard Law Review. His mentor (and actual writer of the piece), the constitutional law scholar Lawrence Tribe, certainly didn't expect Obama to be proficient in the field of physics. Obama was researching for an (admittedly creative) article and became knowledgeable of Einstein's theory by reading about it (what a surprise!). Read the full CBS article here. Conservatives can't stand it when liberals look smart.


Conservapedia then really lets loose:


His voting record places him as the tenth-most liberal member of the U. S. Senate. His composite liberal rating was 86 percent, just seven points behind Ted Kennedy. Among fellow Senate Democrats, he was further left than liberals like John Kerry, Dianne Feinstein, Charles Schumer, Russ Feingold, Carl Levin, Joseph Biden and Harry Reid.[2]


When giving a "trustworthy" profile of someone, Conservapedia knows that fear and loathing go a long way.

God Hates Fatties! Hop Aboard the "Biblical" Hallelujah Diet!

In the world of religion, it's now

The Crass vs The Ass

Fred Phelps must be penning new picket signs. He has "God Hates America!" and "God Hates Fags!" Now he can add "God Hates Fatties!" It seems that, under our very noses for the good part of three thousand years, God had given us all the only "biblically" correct way to lose weight! Read more about it here.

The Hallelujah Diet will:

1. Curb your craving for meat and potatoes (not to mention demon rum and members of the same sex).
2. Help you look so much sexier (outside of church, of course).
3. Turn you into a vegetable (oops, that's vegetarian).
4. Make you realize that Colonel Sanders was the real Anti-Christ.
5. Close all the sushi bars in New York (OMG!)

Here are the words of God on what you should be eating:

“And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat [food].” – Genesis 1:29

Well, there you have it: from God's mouth to your stomach!

Forget all of those animal sacrifices. (God had hoped you would burn all the meaty creatures at the same time, but, no, stupid man had to do it slowly - one at a time. Too slow to eradicate them!) Forget all those pascal lambs, cattle and goats that gave you your own fatted calves. The Chosen People ate them and look what happened! Pigs were just a metaphor for everything that didn't look like a healthy salad.

Right.

Look past the diet and into the Lifestlyle Centers. Notice anything? "Health Ministers?""The hands-on training" Look at The "Hallelujah Acres Medical Clinic" with the requisite cancer patient holding a teddy bear. Note the free seminar: "God's Way to Ultimate Health" hosted by Reverand George Malkmus.

Yes, they're slick. Slick but still crass. This must be what 21st century snake oil looks like. Can practicing Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus and atheists take advantage of all these offers to better health? Or must they wear the ultimate badge: ugly fat?

I've emailed a question to Hallelujah Acres asking them if the Lifestyle Centers will accept gay couples.

I don't think they'll answer.