A Media Celebrity's Price of Fame

Found in the classifieds today:

Supposedly God-fearing Bible thumper seeks media coverage. Has experience in picketing for God and has trained subordinates (family) in art of picketing as well as litigating when necessary. No ideology too sacred or ridiculous to oppose. Loves to hate. Loves being hated. Will work diligently for newsprint, radio, TV and online articles. Even youngest in group will work in 24-hour shifts, trample flags and hurl epithets. No impeding morals whatsoever. Incredible resume highlighting freedom of speech and freedom to hate anyone/anything. Reply Westboro Baptist Church, Topeka, Kansas.

A long time ago, Fred Phelps fell in love…with his own snake oil. That snake oil does not consist entirely of hate as most people would be led to believe, but instead, it’s a persona that embodies hate. Every time Fred receives media attention, he’s dazzled by his own image. And by extension, his family’s image.

You see, Fred Phelps fell under the spell of his own celebrity over thirty years ago: his legal career rose and fell during the seventies (he was disbarred in the State of Kansas), but then Phelps had an epiphany: the combination of entertainment and religion was tailor-made for him. A star was born.

He and his family latched on to the most incendiary topic of the time: homosexuality. He figured that taking his protests to extremes never even dreamt of by the Religious Right he could gain the fame (if not the fortune) he craved. He picketed EVERYONE and EVERYTHING (except, possibly, babies in strollers). He fumed against disaster victims and enlarged his fame with signs like “Thank God for 9/11.”*

When last Thursday’s $11 million decision for the plaintiff (in a veteran funeral picketing case) was announced, people across the country jubilantly chanted: “There is a God!”

But will Phelps and his Westboro Baptist clan ever wind up paying out any of it? Probably not, since the entire clan is a veritable den of lawyers who can file enough appeals to tie the case up well past Fred’s demise (unless he lives to the age of 110). Until the day when Phelps and his family go screaming into oblivion, however, America (especially American Evangelicals and Fundamentalists) will have to bear the “Mark of Fred”: an indelible tatoo that says: “God hates _______(please fill in the blank).”



*Interesting note: it took the Southern Baptist Convention 20 years to disavow Phelps’ “Baptist” standing. Another indication that when respect for human dignity goes up against respect for a title of “Rev.,” human dignity suffers. But tardiness in apologies or corrections is traditional within the bastions of the Religious Right: it took the Vatican 400 years to apologize to Galileo and the Southern Baptist Convention over 150 years to apologize for slavey.

The Religious Right Meets Leo

Lions - Attack the Religious Right!

Raise your hackles, bare your teeth, roar and get ready to pounce: the lions are hungry...and at war. We need to feed on the self-righteous, not because they taste good, but because they attacked us first. In fact, they’ve been attacking us for many years, but good as we have been - like little lambs – we’ve let them hunt us with their guns & scriptures while we defend ourselves with… Murphy Brown and Will & Grace, a smattering of congressmen, some mayors, several outspoken ministers and a bishop. Oh, and let’s not forget “friends of friends of friends…”ad infinitum. Come on! Instead of trying to hold our ground, we need to attack.

That’s right. Attack.

When people who have been scourged by scripture started to come out of their respective closets in the 70’s (feminists as well as gays), I’m sure they thought “Well, after we’re out, they’ll eventually love and accept us for who we are because we’re basically good people.” And some people DID love and accept us. Except the Southern Baptists, Islam, the Hassidim, the Pentecostals, the Vatican, the Greek Orthodox, Mormons, Anglicans, Lutherans, Anabaptists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Seventh-Day Adventists and the thousands of denominations that have “God” “Christ” “Jesus” or “Missionary” in their names. Oh, and don’t forget Bob Marley’s Rastafarians. We were comparatively fluffy kittens back then yet they aimed their guns at us and haven’t dropped us from their sites yet.

Here is a marvelous quote from a British journalist thinking along the same lines while refering to the latgest threat:

"Some might compare the religious right to a snake," a Wichita evangelist, Terry Fox, told the New York Times. "We may be in our hole right now, but we can come out and bite you at any time." It's time for progressives to get out of their hole and find some teeth.*

Lion’s teeth, to be sure. I’d love to found a special “Lion’s Club” to spearhead a movement to disarm the Religious Right.

One rabid fundamentalist stated: “Well, you just picture us all as either Elmer Gantry…or Elmer Fudd!” Very apt description, but we must all remember that in the cartoons, Fudd’s the one with the gun.

*Gary Younge – The Guardian

Southern Baptists On The Warpath!!!

500 Rabid Southern Baptists Will Descend Upon Us!

From: The Christian Post Reporter
October 26, 2007:

The North American Mission Board (NAMB), the Southern Baptist Convention's domestic mission agency, intends to certify as many as 500 new apologetics instructors, charging them to defend the truth and credibility of the Christian faith.

Apologetics has absolutely nothing to do with apologizing. In a way, apologetics is the very opposite of apologizing. These guys are an assault of the senses: “We are right! We are True! Cursed be those who do not heed us!” Ann Coulter is an apologist (of sorts).

Apologetics is more important than ever in today’s culture, said Dr. Mark A. Rathel, associate professor of theology and philosophy at The Baptist College of Florida and who was recently qualified as the first CAI [Certified Apologetics Instructor]. Movies such as "The Da Vinci Code" have done much to foster doubt about the reliability of the Bible, he noted.

Ah, the Da Vinci Code …again. Dan Brown is a veritable demon from hell! He is the Anti-Christ! He will feed on your souls!

Or maybe he’s just a guy who wrote an interesting piece of fiction.
Aside: How strong is a faith that needs to attack a piece of fiction once every week for four years? Give it a rest. Six months after Brown’s book came out there were two dozen refuting it. Thou dost protest waaaay too much.

“Christianity is under so much attack today,” Rathel said, according to NAMB. “I feel this will be a way to answer questions for unbelievers and at the same time, give believers more confidence and make them better witnesses.”

Just who is under attack? Christianity, or the people who think fundamentalists are crazy?

NAMB's new effort of certifying instructors takes the burden off pastors who are already stretched in their pastoral ministry and have little time to be trained in apologetics and to also train their congregations. The CAI program takes Southern Baptists who already have a passion for teaching apologetics to the next level both in knowledge and communication skills. These instructors will then train Southern Baptists in the area of apologetics and interfaith evangelism.

In other words, the CAI makes them certifiable. Great. Interfaith evangelism? Does that include beating a Muslim over the head with your Bible? Should Baptists look into Torquemada tactics for some good ole forced conversions?

From the Baptist Faith and Message (about scripture):

It has God for its author, salvation for its end, and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter. Therefore, all Scripture is totally true and trustworthy. It reveals the principles by which God judges us, and therefore is, and will remain to the end of the world, the true center of Christian union, and the supreme standard by which all human conduct, creeds, and religious opinions should be tried.

Inerrantists. Young Earth Creationists. Literalists.

Beware. They’re also members of the NRA.

Scripture Twisters in the Land of the Self-Righteous

The (mostly) Fundamentalist Christian blog ChristiaNet is one of the BEST places to find pure, undiluted (but sometimes deluded) self-righteousness. Take a look at one person’s response to another about glossolalia (speaking in tongues):

"I have shown you time and time again where the spiritual gifts (or gifts of the spirit) HAVE NOT CEASED and yet you continue to call them new revelations.

I too will not apologize for what the Bible says. I will stand against anyone who continues to twist scripture and interpret them to what THEY want them to say to fit their desires, false teachings, and ideas. Some people lead others astray who dont know better and they will pay for their transgressions."

I didn’t know Ann Coulter knew so much about the Bible. How far up in the air does this person’s nose go? Can we use it as a satellite? Does the Bible say “Blessed are the know-it-alls?” When does interpretation of scriptures become twisting of scriptures? Twisting scripture is a time-honored tradition and should not be castigated in such a manner! The Bible has been used as a weapon against lepers, pagans, Native Americans, gays and feminists – all through twisting or, ahem, “interpretation.”

Which twists do Fundamentalists subscribe to?

The ones that denigrate the most people, I guess.

That's Entertainment, Folks!

Barak Obama’s campaign is in hot water again: the latest dish is that Pastor Donnie McClurkin as part of his staff (he’s a gospel singer and minister) is an ex-gay who characterizes homosexuality as a “curse.” Read about Pastor Donnie here.

Hallelujah! I’m cured!

Gimme a break.

This guy knows what sells as entertainment: anything, including religion.

This is America. Take away our food, shelter and clothing, but don’t ever think of taking away our entertainment! Ann Coulter knows this. People read her books for their entertainment value. Comedy, music, drama – yes, that’s why we stand and stare at crime and accident scenes.

America has made a veritable religion out of entertainment and an entertainment out of religion.

“McClurkin is head pastor at Perfecting Faith Church, a nondenominational Pentecostal church in Freeport, New York. The 1,000-plus congregation meets in a former supermarket. He's home for the services every Sunday unless he's traveling overseas. Services there are exuberant and interactive. Church members are likely to be dancing in the aisles, speaking in tongues or lying on the floor, overcome by the Holy Spirit.”

And someone got saved in aisle five right by the canned beets. And what is a “nondenominational Pentecostal church?” Can you speak in tongues anywhere? An Episcopal church? A Methodist church? A Bar Mitzvah? When I was an altar boy and we had to race through Latin at the morning Mass (Fr. Duffy was always due to tee off in forty minutes), maybe I was actually seized by the Holy Spirit instead –

“Adeumquilaetificatuventutemeumquarererepulistiquaresintristitincedodumaflegitmeainemicus”

(Yeah, I still remember it after 53 years.)

My point?

Whether it’s ritual, gospel choirs, or Pat Robertson doing leg presses, today’s religion is imbued with entertainment. It just takes a savvy entertainer to exploit it. An entertainer like Donny McClurkin. Yes, he may have had a horrible childhood and his family may have been beyond dysfunctional, and he may have even "prayed away" leukemia. But I don’t believe he’s a bona fide ex-gay (his bios are oddly amiss when it comes to describing his former “gay” life). “Overcoming” vicissitudes is all part of the show. One more “curse” to give glory to the victor.

Da…da…dat’s all folks!

This Year's PERFECT Hell House

Bring In The Harpies!

From the website of Pastor Keenan Roberts:
http://www.godestiny.org/hell_house/HH_kit.cfm

New Destiny Christian Center – Soaring at a Godly Altitude
(You read it right - I’m not making this stuff up. Check it out.)

Shake your city with the most "in-your-face, high-flyin', no denyin', death-defyin', Satan-be-cryin', keep-ya-from-fryin', theatrical stylin', no holds barred, cutting-edge" evangelism tool of the new millennium!

No, it’s not a circus. Very nearly, but not quite.

Oct. 12th marked the 9th the anniversary of the murder of Matthew Shepherd. Mid-October also marked the beginning of a festive American celebration: Hell Houses. There’s a connection between the two events. Some people vehemently deny it, but it’s there. Hell houses are slick demonizations of teen and adult behavior. Pastor Keenan Roberts, who started merchandising the concept, typifies the fundamentalist ideologies presented by Hell Houses, sort of like “If we say they’re going to hell, they’re going to hell. That’s it. Don’t be one of them.” Or similar words to that effect. Oh, and by the way, Keenan’s first Hell House was in Roswell, NM. Go figure.

From Pastor Keenan’s Hell House Kit:

Piece by piece, prop by prop, costume by costume - the master plan is organized in a comprehensive manual. A video of what Hell House in action looks like and a special-effects compact disc audio master are also included. This sizzling evangelism event is designed to capture the attention of our sight and sound culture!

One scene’s depiction of a tortured teenage lesbian from the manual:

This scene creatively combines two cutting-edge issues into one script. The drama for the scene calls for a spiritual battle between the angel of the Lord and the demon tour guide. They wrestle for Jamie's intellect as she struggles with whether or not God has made her this way. This script captures an incredibly compelling exposé that unmasks the “born-gay” lie. The script suits either a male or female lead character. This package includes two wonderful effects tracks. $45 (USD)

This from a minister who tortures his own children: his boys are named Blaze and Jade (?!) Let’s face it, with a name like Jade, the poor kid will definitely become the football team’s “bitch.”

Hell House mentality also denies that a Hell House can contribute to teen suicide, but take look at this grisly scenario:

Another Hell House scene depicts a teenage girl attending her first rave. She unknowingly takes a “date rape drug” and a young man rapes her. Some Hell Houses alternate the rave date rape with a scene where a young girl is raped by her father. In both cases, after being victimized, the girl commits suicide and goes to hell. Available information about both versions mentions nothing about the rapists being punished or going to hell, while the already-victimized girls are sent to hell to be punished for eternity.*

Rape. Eternal damnation. Incest. Teen suicides. Ah, the holidays are truly upon us. God only knows what those fun-loving evangelicals will do to the Thanksgiving turkey.

But…I would like to add to the above drama of damnation. It’s the PERFECT Hell House guaranteed to give nightmares to young and old alike: a teenager without an Ipod being forced to listen to Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin – in person.

Cheaper too.

*My special thanks to Gay & Lesbian Task Force’s Sarah Kennedy & Jason Cianciotto for this last description.

The Slippery Slope Can Slant the Other Way

Tony Perkins’ (Family Research Council) latest alarm about
hate crimes legislation:

Britain's ruling Labor Party government has announced plans to introduce a new "hate crimes" law that would result in jail terms of up to seven years (more than the average penalty for rape) for "incitement to hatred" against homosexuals. The law is not limited to people who commit violent acts or incite violence, but the Justice Ministry claims the law "would not prohibit criticism of gay, lesbian and bisexual people" -- as long as it done in a "temperate way," said one homosexual activist. … Colin Hart of the U.K.'s Christian Institute put it bluntly: "A homophobic hatred law would be used by those with an axe to grind against Christians to silence them." …Although the "hate crimes" bill which the U.S. Senate recently attached to a defense bill is ostensibly limited only to acts causing "bodily injury," the situation in Britain perfectly illustrates the slippery slope such laws would set us upon. Congress should oppose, or President Bush should veto, any bill that adds "sexual orientation" to federal hate crimes law.

“…an axe to grind against Christians to silence them.” But, that theory could never apply here, Tony, since we’re such a Christian country founded on Judeo-Christian principles! Gasp!

I checked on the U.K.’s Christian Institute and I noted that while Colin Hart looked as if he had just scrubbed his face with Mop ‘N Glow, Tony Perkins still has him beat in the “I-look-like-a-choirboy”* department.

Now, Tony, let’s go back about, oh, 1600 years: a Christian mob dragged the great mathematician Hypatia from her chariot, dragged her to what had been the Great Library of Alexandria (the one they’d burned down twenty years earlier for not having enough Christian books), took sharp oyster shells and flayed her alive in front of her students. That same mob, by the way, was slightly encouraged by the local bishop, Theopholis (who supposedly headed up a kind of ecclesiastical mafia) and was acting on the “slippery slope” started by the Roman Emperor Theodotius when he declared paganism a crime.

So, Tony, it seems the slippery slope can go both ways. BTW: were any of Hypatia’s murderers put in jail?

*”…and I’m a protégé of God himself, um, I mean Pat Robertson.”