Q.: What Would The Holy Republic of Christianland Look Like? A: A Lot Like Texas.

And it would certainly save the rest of us from the "We're-So-Persecuted" bunch.

Over 50,000 people have signed petitions to secede from the Union. Good. Great! FANTASTIC! Just think of what the United States wouldn't be burdened with any longer: Hell Houses. And no more Patriot Movement, no gay teen suicides, no more misogyny, no more Islamophobia. Neither would there be any SPLC or ACLU, since they wouldn't be necessary. And no more Newt Gingrichs, Karl Roves, Mike Huckabees, Bryan Fischers, Tony Perkinses, Michele Bachmanns, Ann Coultergeists, Michele Malkins or Franklin Grahams. 

And no more Glen Becks.

Instead, there would be absolute "from" freedoms: from religion, from proselytizing, from intolerance, from righteous arrogance, from bigotry, from misogyny, and from all the social phobias. And "to" freedoms: to marry and  to say "Happy Holidays". Why, America could get to work at being a truly wonderful nation dedicated to love and peace.

Hey, we can dream, can't we?

The recent spate of petitions and buzz about secession can be clearly seen in this interactive geopolitical map. And it's not surprising as to where most of it is concentrated: Texas The state that has always had elephantiasis of the ego is the state that has toyed with the idea of secession for over a hundred years. It is the epitome of Barack Obama's "guns and Bibles" set, a place where Gary Cass ("You can't be a Christian and don't own a gun.") would feel more than safe and comfortable. It is a place that cheers it's record of executions. It is a place where megachurches and Fundamentalist theology rule, largely through a governor who calls together strictly Christian prayer rallies. 

Ten days ago, opining on the differences of the electorate (Obama being demonspawn, of course), Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association suggested that a wall be built between socially conservative (Christian Right) America and the rest of country. He also suggested that people would be digging tunnels under the wall trying to get to "our" side, being, of course, more prosperous - and righteous. 

Right. 

What Would Christianland Look Like?

If Texas and its far Right minions seceded from the United States of America, it would, of course, be the dream of David Barton: it would be a "Christian ONLY Nation." The term "Christian" would have difficulty in definition and there would be in-fighting among people like Catholic bishops, John (Rome is the whore of Babylon") Hagee, and Cindy Jacobs (who goes around smashing statues of Catholic saints). Pat Robertson, who said that he didn't have to be nice to Methodists and Episcopalians ("spirit of the Anti-Christ") might have difficulty living amid non-charismatics, but once the unsavory elements of "True Christianity" have been rooted out, the country might have these demographics and pertinent data:

Ethnicity: 90% White, 8% African-American, 2% Hispanic (well, it does live right next to Mexico)
Christian Denomination: 60% Southern Baptist, 10% Assemblies of God, 10% Pentecostal, 5% Roman Catholic, 15% Non-denominational Bible-Thumper.
Population: 15 million plus the entire Dugger family.
State Bird: Raptor-hawk
State Motto: "In R.J. Rushdooney* We Trust"
Primary exports: oil, guns, Bibles, televangelists and righteous arrogance

Primary Media: Glen Beck, FOX News (w/Mike Hucakbee), World Net Daily, Washington Times (for international/foreign news), Christian Broadcasting Network, Trinity Broadcasting Network.
Chief Institutions of Higher Learning: Regent University, Liberty University, Bob Jones University, Glen Beck University

Government:

President:  Rick Perry     Vice President:   Mike Huckabee
Cabinet Members:
Secretary of State: George W. Bush
Secretary Of Defense: Erik Prince (of Blackwater infamy)
Secretary of Education and Home Schooling: David Barton
Secretary of Homeland Security: Chuck Norris
Secretary of Family Values: Tony Perkins
Secretary of Commerce: Mitt Romney (with special dispensation to his Mormonism by Dallas Pastor Robert Jeffress)
Secretary of Religious Affairs: co-Secretaries Cindy Japan-is-shaped-like-a-dragon Jacobs, and San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordeleone
Secretary of Propaganda: Bryan Fischer
Secretary of the Interior: Michele Bachmann
Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff: Pat Robertson

Chief Justice of the Supreme Court: Antonin Scalia

Undersecretaries would include: Joel Osteen, Ken Copeland, Rod Parsley, John Hagee, T.D. Jakes, Scott Lively. 

Imagining what a meeting of government's top officers would look like damages the brain, but you have to admit it would make a great sitcom.** 

Seriously. Seriously?

While we can poke fun at the machinations of the Christofascist Right, the matter of secession points out that they have made enough inroads in the country's Great Division to command some fear -  if not respect. In a country that needs unification now more than ever, the big CR is not about to compromise and is best left alone - and far away - to lick its wounds from the election. Separation and isolation can be good things: the CR could be contained and politely asked ...

...to leave the rest of humanity alone.

Just a thought.


*Founder of the Reconstructionist movement and agent provocateur of American theocracy.
** A reality show would too surreal.

The Day The Bullies Get Yanked Out Of School: This Friday's Day Of Silence May Have Unexpected Results

A holiday for bullies is a holiday from bullies! Thank you FRC!

Look, bullying should not be taking place in our schools, every child in America should be able to go to school—public school, private school, wherever—without the fear of threat or being intimidated, regardless of what the cause is, whether they’re overweight, whether their religious viewpoints, no child should be bullied because they are effeminate or because of their sexual orientation or whatever, it shouldn’t happen, but we cannot allow these programs like the Day of Silence to come into our schools as a cover for the promotion of homosexuality.

- Tony Perkins, Family Research Council

"You're going to hell!" has always been a favorite slogan of bullies, especially ones with a Christian Right upbringing. Places like Tennessee have addressed the problem of bullying by actually passing "pro-bullying" legislation designed to allow kids to be bullied, if the bully states it's on religious grounds and he or she is simply expressing their religious beliefs.

Each year, to counteract bullying in schools, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) encourages students in schools to have a Day of Silence in solidarity with those students who have been bullied because they are gay (or have been perceived to be gay). And each year, proponents of the Christian Right scream that it is simply a tool of indoctrination into the "gay lifestyle."

Each year, more and more students have been participating in the Day Of Silence, much to the consternation of people like Tony Perkins (Family Research Council - FRC), Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association and Linda Harvey of Mission America. Two years ago, Tony Perkins was prompted to counteract the DofS with a "Day Of Dialogue."

It fell flat.

Probably because the "dialogue" Perkins insisted on was rather one-sided: just tell your teacher that you think you might be gay and go to the counselor who will hopefully pray the gay away. End of "dialogue."

This year, the strategy has taken a page from National Organization for Marriage's playbook: boycott. Hell, that "liberal" school is just as bad as Starbucks, so don't patronize it: this is, after all, a shameful indoctrination on the part of the school, so, just yank your kid out for the day in protest! The problem with this strategy is that it is bolstered with lies and misconceptions:


Pastor Looomer of a Connecticut school board talking to Tony Perkins:

At past events, GLSEN was caught distributing pamphlets that promote everything from child sex to pornography. “If parents [knew] the inappropriateness of the materials, they’d be enraged,”

Uh, there's a problem here: GLSEN has never distributed any such pamphlets. Total fabrication.

Another anti-gay, anti-GLSEN piece of reasoning comes from Mission America's Linda Harvey:

-The Day of Silence encourages students to nurture prejudiced, hostile and bigoted attitudes against Christians and others with traditional moral beliefs, and to spread inaccurate and harmful information.

Hmm... the "inaccurate and harmful information" being that homophobia (and bullying) is fueled by demonizers? The disingenuous ramblings of Tony Perkins in his above statement are hollow because neither Mr. Perkins nor the Christian Right have ever been that inclusive in anything. Perkins, in fact, only takes a back seat to Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association when it comes to demonizing and singling out gays for special ostracism:

On this day, thousands of public high schools and increasing numbers of middle schools will allow students to remain silent throughout an entire day... to promote GLSEN's socio-political goals and its controversial, unproven, and destructive theories on the nature and morality of homosexuality.

Parents must actively oppose this hijacking of the classroom for political purposes. Pleasejoin the national effort to restore to public education a proper understanding of the role of government-subsidized schools. You can help de-politicize the learning environment by calling your child out of school if your child's school allows students to remain silent during instructional time on the Day of Silence.

So the bullies are to get their own special holiday. But what if the schools and communities are so relieved by the lull in bullying that they plead with Tony Perkins and Bryan Fischer to keep them home?

Holy Rollers Do Exist - Unfortunately (And Pat Robertson Is One)

We should be careful with these people. They might multiply. If they do, then we should all check out.