Eating The Chocolate Bunny: No Profound Easter Message Inside

It's Tastier Than A Fortune Cookie, 

But Still Leaves You Hungry 

For Something More Meaningful

The triumph of Madison Avenue (advertising) is in its ability to take something so frivolous, so inane, so inconsequential and make it into something universally loved and, therefore, marketable.

Easter is neither frivolous nor inane. And while the concept of a dying-and-rising god has been used before, it is not inconsequential to those who believe it. No, Easter is a joyous, but solemn event, one that affirms a very strong set of beliefs. It is a time of hope and love through God, man and nature.


A rabbit that magically sh*ts colored eggs is frivolous. It is ludicrous. It is totally inconsequential. It is a totally fake, pastel, rendition of spring without even redeeming pagan qualities. With the exception that he represents the Holy Grail of marketing, the Easter Bunny and his milieu do not serve as anything else but icing on a cake that does not exist. He reigns in chocolaty goodness over self-indulgence while sitting on a golden throne of greed. His history as the symbol of fertility has long given way to second-rate graphics illustrators and Beatrice Potter. In meaning, Santa far surpasses this ill-bred hare.


According to historians, the concept of an Easter Bunny originated in the Alsace part of upper Germany. The tradition of children making "nests" for the Spring Equinox (Easter) whereupon the next day they would find brightly colored eggs was brought over by German settlers to the Pennsylvania Dutch settlements and the nests became "baskets" over time. The parallels to Kris Kringle were not lost to the earliest of Madison Avenue habitues: jolly ole' elf and warm fuzzy bunny, both bear gifts to kids (although it may not be wise to ask where the eggs were previously). The retail season also needs a boost at that time, it being after Valentine's Day in that lull before Mother's Day. And the world loves pastels, so dry goods sales can get rid of those awful cottons nixed by current fashionistas.


So even with all the cardboard fakery isn't it fun to indulge in a little innocence? The operative word here is, I believe, indulge. Easter indulgence actually puts Christmas indulgence to shame: the gifts are mostly superfluous and there never seems to be enough sugar-coating. Once I tried to bring some actual creativity into our family's egg-coloring by purchasing large (very large) blown goose eggs and batiking them so that they could be displayed year round, maybe even on the Christmas tree. The result: some unusual eggs by disinterested artists who didn't want to see another batiked egg for a long time... and the Christmas tree never saw an egg.


"Alright, give us a break, it's just a stupid holiday." That's the point: holidays (as in Holy Days) are meant to commemorate, illuminate, and drench us with meanings we are too busy or too distracted to entertain. They exist to give us visions of our lives, magnify them, understand them. Thanksgiving gives us pause to think about our joys. Valentine's Day helps us to consider those around us. St. Patrick's Day instills ethnic pride whatever the background. Mother's and Father's Days bring us closer to parents. Fourth of July engenders not only patriotism, but pride in our national individuality. Memorial Day helps us remember and New Years' Day helps us forget. Labor Day signals the end of summer and the terror of another school year. And speaking of terrors, Halloween helps us laugh at them.

The Easter Bunny holiday not only detracts from the religious holiday, it sucks the meaning out of it like some candied black hole. The image of Christ on the cross being offered a colored egg by the Easter Bunny is funny and shocking at the same time (yes, there is a card for it) but commercialism will always strive for a new low with that fuzzy/furry/white/pink/yellow/lime-green rodent. Maybe the real meaning of Easter and its Bunny is to show us just how off-the-mark we can be with things like holidays.


Then again, maybe there is no meaning to the Easter Bunny because there never was a meaning intended in the first place.


You gonna eat those chocolate ears?

Happy Easter, My Ass!

Easter is probably the most twisted holiday we Americans are forced to endure: we attend church services to honor the resurrection of the Son of God, Jesus Christ, while wearing our finest clothes, eating chocolate bunnies, then coloring, hunting or rolling hard-boiled eggs. It beats Christmas for religiousity, Fourth of July for pride and Valentine's Day for consumption of chocolate. There is no connection between Christ on the Cross and the Easter Bunny except for the concept of spring and the earth's "resurrection" from winter.

Did you know that the concept of a dying-and-rising god was rather passe when Christ was crucified? Huh? Well then, how many could there have been? Try twenty. Yes, twenty. 20. One score. The most famous of these were Osirus and Mithras (who, BTW, was born in a cave of a virgin birth.)

The most original concept related to Easter, however, came with the maturation of Christianity: supreme guilt. The doctrine of Original Sin (attributed to St. Augustine - way to go, Auggie!) made Christians look at everyone in a different light. And they all looked BAD. Christ had died for EVERYONE'S sins. All of us should be extremely grateful! No? Then go to hell! 

Yes, Easter should be a time of rejoicing: because of Christ's death, we are forgiven all our sins. 

I'm sorry, but I can't rejoice. Perhaps because the hypocrites of the world have taken Easter and turned it into a time of extreme self-loathing. Yet what we really need to experience is a time of energy and progression - to a more peaceful and habitable world.