Dear God! It's Finally Happened: The Dueling Prayer Groups Converge on Washington!

"Muslims should march on the White House. We are going to the White House so that Islam will be victorious, Allah willing, and the White House will become into a Muslim house."

From Right Wing Watch:

"...a major Christian leader of the Emergent Church called for forty days of fasting and prayer in the same Ramadan period with the goal that the church will better understand our Muslim friends. We advocate for understanding, but we must have spiritual discernment as to the spiritual dark powers that are being invoked into our nation.

Strange: the pejorative "Emergent Church" used in the same sentence with "Muslim friends." In other words: "Let those damn liberal 'churches' play footsie with heathen Muslims, we gotta protect our country from becoming a bunch of rag-headed terrorists!"

I really shouldn't call this reaction a "duel" since, as all good Christians should, they are preemptively praying (remember the "cowboy diplomacy" of GWB?) so that they might get a foothold in praying to the same God.

Therefore we are calling Christians all over America to join Lou Engle, Shirley Dobson, Tony Perkins, David Barton, and many other major leaders in America to a national conference call to pray for America. Please join us on Thursday, September 24th from 7:30PM to 9:00PM Eastern Time for possibly one of the greatest moments in American history.

Nah. The greatest moment in American history was when Washington, DC attempted to celebrate the nation's centennial by having one hundred orchestras of one hundred musicians each to play The Blue Danube. While the main conductor (on a VERY tall podium) didn't become deaf, the disjointed cacophony left many people wondering: "why?"

Perkins called the Muslim gathering "a wake-up call for the church" and a warning that if Christians do not "fill the void that's in this nation with the truth, it will be filled with something else."

Going After Christofascist Clowns: Frank Schaeffer and The Scariest Video EVER!

We should all be horrified at the above poll results and the video below. Look at them and ask how many people have been harmed (emotionally and physically) because a full 21% are in doubt, not because they' profess to be birthers, tenthers, Carrie Prejeaners, but because something, anything must be used to gather support for their warped worldviews. They are miscreants and malcontents who will believe anything and anyone.

And while only one in the video seems to be a rabid Bible-thumper, the scene will give you a very good picture of a mentality gone fanatic. Gone wild. Gone insane. It was, of course, Glenn Beck's 9-12 Teabagger March on Washington. This series of interviews was posted a little over 48 hours ago (which, in internet time is actually a millenium.) It has been viewed over 600,000 times - about 475,000 more people than were actually there. Of course, Glenn Beck said that it was definitely 1.7 million. Granted, the DC Police always underestimate in cases like these, but Beck's source is a little shaky: a university (which he can't seem to remember the name of) calculated the density of the bodies per square foot from a video. And who gave the idea to the University? Supposedly, Michelle Malkin! (hey, check with TYT).

So why is it so frightening?

When Jay Leno conducted on-the-street questions/surveys, ("Jay Walking") I was so shocked that his easy questions confounded walking, talking, functioning adults. Surely, these were "zombies"!

No, but I was close: they were future teabaggers.

And today's teabaggers vote, protest any change in Health Care, carry signs that display Obama as Hitler and chant slogans wishing he were dead. These teabaggers don't know history, they haven't read the Health Care Bill, and it looks as if they don't even know why they are there. Except, of course, that they are protesting against someone or something. Their causes are diverse. But they hate diversity.

The 80s were supposedly the "Me!" decade. Our next decade looks like it may become the "Us vs Them" decade.

Which brings us to the "Obama is the Anti-Christ" ideology.

When the son of a vastly popular Fundamentalist and Theologian, turns about and fires volleys at today's Christofascists for being "insane" there just might be a ring of truth to it.

Frank Schaeffer on Rachel Maddow's program:

[W]hen my late father -- Religious Right leader Francis Schaeffer -- denounced America and even called for the violent overthrow of the US government, he was invited to lunch with presidents Ford, Reagan and Bush, Sr."

Wikipedia:

Schaeffer has written: "In the mid 1980s I left the Religious Right, after I realized just how very anti-American they are, (the theme I explore in my book Crazy For God)." He added that he was a Republican until 2000, working for Senator John McCain in that year's primaries, but that after the 2000 election he re-registered as an independent.

Frank Schaeffer:

Can Christianity be rescued from Christians? And that’s an open question. And when you see a bunch of people going around thinking that our President is the anti-Christ you have to draw one of two conclusions. Either these are racists looking for any excuse to level the next accusation or they’re beyond crazy. And I think beyond crazy is a better explanation and that evangelical subculture has rotted the brain of the United States of America.

The angry people in the below video would all seem to be part of that rotted brain. They're loud, because they think louder is better. Crude because they think of themselves as true-blue American "diamonds in the rough." Clueless because they let others think for them. Others like Glenn Beck.

They think Glenn Beck is smart.

Sorry, Beck and Savage, San Francisco Prefers More Imperial Clowns

We like our clowns to have class.

150 years ago, a man in San Francisco declared himself to be Emperor of the United States and "Protector of Mexico." And San Francisco, (then as now), welcomed him not with a straight-jacket, but with open arms.

From The San Francisco Chronicle:

On Sept. 17, 1859, the San Francisco Bulletin published a notice on an inside page announcing that Joshua Norton, formerly a prominent San Francisco businessman, had proclaimed himself Norton I, "Emperor of these United States." He had acted, he said, "at the peremptory request of a large majority of the citizens."

Yes, San Francisco and much of the surrounding Bay Area is like that. But the fact that the clown prince of hatemongers, Michael Savage, got dumped from his "flagship" station, KNEW 910FM (located in Oakland, CA) shows that the San Francisco Bay Area can stomach only so much of an uncouth mouth running off at one of its radio stations. Because the only thing the residents of the Golden Gate can't tolerate is...intolerance.

And so it is with Glenn Beck. To date, Beck's show has lost 50 advertisers. His "halo" has slipped. His ratings, however, are up.

Huh?

From Marketwatch.com:

For advertisers, "the halo of the show means you are connected with supporting that point of view," said John Greening, a Northwestern University professor of marketing who spent 28 years in the advertising business. "It is not about awareness but about association."

So corporations can't afford to be associated with Beck, but the "closeted" clowns of intolerance have increased. Just as the number of hate groups in this country have increased. Hmmm.

I know, I know, that's a loose correlation, but it's a correlation all the same. Beck is also being compared to the late Senator Joe McCarthy. The Media Matters video below makes a fine connection. The only difference between the two men is that McCarthy seemed, at times, to be somewhat intelligent. He played on people's fears as much as Beck, but he was careful to twist "facts" instead of twisting gullible viewers' brains.

Wikipedia:

[Isobel Field wrote that Norton]:... "was a gentle and kindly man, and fortunately found himself in the friendliest and most sentimental city in the world, the idea being 'let him be emperor if he wants to.' San Francisco played the game with him."

And San Francisco knew he had class. One proclamation:

Whoever after due and proper warning shall be heard to utter the abominable word "Frisco", which has no linguistic or other warrant, shall be deemed guilty of a High Misdemeanor, and shall pay into the Imperial Treasury as penalty the sum of twenty-five dollars.

Michael Savage has called the City "Frisco." I'll bet Glenn Beck has too.

From GlennBeck.com:

I mean, they don't support the ROTC, they go against everything that our country stands for. They are constantly trying to turn us into a socialist state. Why don't you just become your own country, San Francisco? I mean it.

It's just a matter of time. Beck, I think you should pay the twenty-five dollars up front and avoid the bureaucratic hassle.

Getting Serious About Stupidity: Another September Clown, Carrie Prejean and the FRC

I was all geared up to write this piece as yet another joke about the Christian Right, Republicans and the machinations of Tony Perkins and the Family Research Council. You know I'll do more than several in the next week or so. I think poking fun of present-day "social conservatives" is now in my blood.

But for the time being, let's get serious.

The salacious, humorous, and almost mean-spirited takes on America's Right Wing have been considered spot-on by many liberals (progressives, if you must) simply because they showcase hypocrisy. America loves to root for the little guy while exposing the self-righteous. A sex scandal involving a Democrat, for example, is never as heavily featured in pop media and culture as a Republican scandal because Republicans have allied themselves with the Christian Right. From right-wing pundits to talk radio to Congress, every pimple on the nose of neo-cons is spotlighted by the media.

And the true authors of hypocrisy, the Christian Right (whom we often refer to as Christofascists) don't seem to take notice. Or, if they do, they brush off incidents as "persecution," "anti-Christian," or "anti-family." Therein lies their stupidity: glossing over hypocrisy only highlights it. Brushing aside an exposed lie about the Health Care Bill, an exposed truth about financing California's Prop 8, an exposed act of blatant discrimination and racism is as good as condoning it.

The Christian Right will never monitor itself. Ever.

And pity the poor clowns who pose for them on their own runways.

FRC (Family Research Council) hosts the much ballyhooed Values Voter Summit (Sept. 18-20) It's the source of most of our featured Clowns of September. Today they trumpeted the confirmation of another speaker: Miss Carrie Prejean.

Yes, THE Miss Carrie Prejean of yes-I-had-breast-implants-and-posed-semi-naked fame. Yes, the same Miss Carrie Prejean who has a book coming out about her struggle for God's will and morality. Yes, Miss Carrie Prejean, the beauty queen who verbally bitch-slapped Perez Hilton (in a nice way). Yes, THAT Miss Carrie Prejean. She'll be featured with Stephen Baldwin. With Michele Bachmann. With Bill O'Reilly. With Mike Huckabee. And with a lot of other, well... clowns.

She and her publicist may think it a distinct honor, but let's face it, trotting her out and up to a podium is criminal. Making her look the fool (even if she is one) is absolutely wrong. And stupid. Has Tony Perkins bothered to find out if she can master the English language for over ten minutes? Only ten minutes, but in front of thousands of people, it's a lifetime ripe for jokes and stand-up comics.

She'll be the glamour prop of the people who have fashioned seminars like: "How to counter the homosexual extremist movement" and "How to deal with supremacist judges."

Of course, she could be very, very good at public speaking. But I doubt if anyone has ever given her the chance to prove herself in that arena. Public speaking is not always held in as high esteem as the swimsuit competition in a beauty pageant. Or a spread in Playboy. Oh, Carrie said "God" the required number of times for FRC (at least two times per sentence), and they are supposedly spotlighting her courage for her statement against same-sex marriage. But to the hypocrites who will give Bill O'Reilly a "courage in the media" award for calling someone a killer over 20 times on national television, does anyone really think that Miss Prejean's steadfast faith would be lauded if she were plain?

No, the Christian Right, the Family Research Council, the thousands of righteous Tea Baggers, Birthers, congressmen up for re-election, pharmaceutical lobbyists, Tenthers and otherwise will applaud Miss Prejean for the window dressing they think will distract people from their attendence at "The New Masculinity" seminar. And that is stupid.

Very, very stupid.

Another Clown of September: The OC's Michael Duvall Had A "Spanking" Good Time! ...Until he RESIGNED!

"She Wears Little Eyepatch Underwear..."

Don't You Just LOVE hot microphones? They bring out the best hypocrisy in politicians! Because the antics of "Family Values" politicians always fill us with delight, I'll try to continue the article The Clowns of September whenever I can, adding a new clown here and there or featuring a clown's latest inanity. Today's clown is Michael Duvall, California State Assemblyman for arch-conservative Orange County, California. As an Assemblyman, he's a "100% Family Values" man (as one FV source put it), but as a clown, he's hysterical:

"She wears little eye-patch underwear...So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And? so, we had made love Wednesday-a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs, and you're [CENSORED]"

And the ladies (yes, plural) he talked about aren't prostitutes but ... Ta Da! ... married lobbyists! Way to go, Assemblyman Duvall!

Update:

September Clown Sets Record for
Speediest Resignation EVER!

Oh, The Power Of The Hot Microphone! And the media. Within HOURS of the revelation of his oh-so-hot infidelities, Assemblyman Michael Duvall (R), resigned.
From: SFGate.com:

Assemblyman Mike Duvall, whose votes on family oriented legislation received high marks from conservative groups, said in a statement the furor over his comments had begun to divert attention from the work his fellow lawmakers were trying to finish during the final week of their session.

"I am deeply saddened that my inappropriate comments have become a major distraction for my colleagues in the Assembly, who are working hard on the very serious problems facing our state," he said. "Therefore, I have decided to resign my office, effective immediately, so that the Assembly can get back to work."

Question is: will Duvall "get back to work" on his playmates? Not any time soon, I'll venture. He'll be dogged by the press as long as people want more skanky details.

The Clowns Of September: Bachmann, Boykin, Schlafly, Beck....and MORE!!

But How Are We Going To Stuff Them Back Into
That Itty Bitty Car?
(And Push The Car Into That Great Big Ocean?)

O.K., I'll admit that I went a bit overboard for this piece, but consider the subject: all the conservative politicians, pundits, "journalists," lobbyists, birthers, tenthers, christofascists, are exposing themselves to other birthers, tenthers, pundits, etc. In other words, this September will go down in history as the funniest one in history. It will also be history's most outrageous, silliest, campiest, and yes, dumbest September. Remember, it started out with a thoughtful President's address to school children everywhere turning into an "indoctrination" moment.

And it's gaining lot of steam with people like Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh spewing out very skewed facts and outright fantasies in order to show America how wrong it was to elect Barack Obama. No topic will go uncovered. No bizarre event will be unnoticed. Health Care, abortion, gay marriage, the stimulous package will become wild beatss in the arena to tame. It certainly will be a three-ring circus when conservative clowns get together!

The following three-minute video is one I put together to get everyone into the Washington Circus mood. Hope you like it.

From: The Minnesota Independent:

"...she’ll [Bachamann] have plenty of competition for those headlines. Speaking at the “How to Take Back America” conference later this month, she’ll be sharing the stage with a pastor who says conference attendees will be trained to “turn out the infidels”; a radio host who doubts President Obama is a U.S. citizen; and a columnist who opposes statehood for Puerto Rico because he says it’s a “Caribbean dogpatch.”

At the incredibly inane Take Back America conference these topics will be "discussed":

How to counter the homosexual extremist movement
How to deal with global warming, cap and trade
How to stop the entry of illegal aliens and drugs
How to stop government attacks on parents’ rights
How to deal with supremacist judges
How to stop socialism in health care
How to defeat attacks on sovereignty by UN treaties
How to activate your church
How to deal with vote fraud, the Census, and ACORN
How to defend America vs. missile attack
How to lobby legislators
How to bring youth into the conservative movement
How to understand Islam
How to defend traditional marriage and DOMA
How to recognize living under Nazis & Communists
How to stop feminist and gay attacks on the military

Of course, there's the absolute Bastion of Baffoonery: The Values Voter Summit. (Sept 17-20) This always acts as a kind of Court of Fools with King Tony Perkins, Queen Phyllis Schlafly, Princes Gary Bauer and Lou Dobbs in attendence. If you look real hard, you can probably find some boxes of Obama's Waffles stashed away from last year. This year, the spotlight will be on the venerable Bill O'Reilly and the very, very old Phyllis Schlafly.

From FOX Business:

For being a voice of virtue in a culture of death, FRC Action will honor him with the first ever Media Courage Award. In the face of intense pressure, Bill O'Reilly has stood for truth during a tumultuous time in the pro-life debate. Despite a firestorm of unfair allegations, he has defended his position against late-term abortions and brought new light to a gruesome procedure. He has used a national platform to promote the dignity of life - no matter what the personal or professional risk.

And from the program:

FAITH, FAMILY & FREEDOM GALA DINNER HONORING PHYLLIS SCHLAFLY WITH THE JAMES C. DOBSON VISION & LEADERSHIP AWARD (black-tie optional) - Regency Ballroom

FRC's fear-mongering subjects include:

• SPEECHLESS - SILENCING THE CHRISTIANS
• THUGOCRACY - FIGHTING THE VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY
• DEFUNDING PLANNED PARENTHOOD
• ACTIVISM AND CONSERVATISM: FIT TO A TEA (PARTY)
• THE THREAT OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION
• OBAMACARE: RATIONING YOUR LIFE AWAY
• MARRIAGE: WHY IT'S WORTH DEFENDING AND HOW REDEFINING IT THREATENS RELIGIOUS LIBERTY
• THE NEW MASCULINITY
• WAIT NO MORE: FINDING FAMILIES FOR WAITING KIDS
• TURNING THE TIDE IN YOUR GENERATION

I can't wait to read the transcript for "The New Masculinity" as well as "Thugocracy" and "Speechless."

Seriously: let's hope that progressives around the country print all the transcripts of both "summits," inundate FactCheck.org, slather the web with translations and watch Killer Clowns From Out Space as a fearful warning.

Dear God, PLEASE Stop Talking To Michele Bachmann!

Unless You Want To Unseat GWB As
Our Dumbest President Ever!

If Michele Bachmann ever tries to run for President, the Republicans will do something she has advocated: slit their wrists.

Remember this? It's less than a week old:

“This [health care reform] cannot pass…What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass. We will do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn’t pass…Right now, we are looking at reaching down the throat and ripping the guts out of freedom. And we may never be able to restore it if we don’t man up and take this one on.”

From Think Progress:

In a recent interview with WorldNetDaily, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) said that she would be willing to run for president if God asked her to do it. “When I have sensed that the Lord is calling me to do something, I’ve said yes to it,” she said.

And she SHOULD be called: back into her mother's womb. There she'll be snug, safe and warm. She'll also be mute. No one will hear her idiotic comments and the country will breathe a collective sigh of relief that our image can't get any lower than the one George Bush dragged down.

Big Brass Blog:

Feb. 18: Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., took a new stand against President Barack Obama when she claimed the stimulus bill was just a payoff for those who supported him throughout the election.

Think of it: every person who voted for Bachmann in the last election is an abject idiot. We KNOW that over 187,000 people should not be allowed to vote because of diminished mental capacity. In fact, we would like to issue a warning: being exposed to Minnesota's Sixth District could lower the average American's I.Q. by at least 15 points. This is given with our deepest apologies for those who did not vote for her and who need to live in the area for some reason or other (although we can't think of any at the moment).

Yes, we also realize that America has made a religion out of entertainment (and an entertainment out of religion) and Bachmann entertains. The problem is she doesn't seem to know it.

Just a thought.