Sorry, Beck and Savage, San Francisco Prefers More Imperial Clowns

We like our clowns to have class.

150 years ago, a man in San Francisco declared himself to be Emperor of the United States and "Protector of Mexico." And San Francisco, (then as now), welcomed him not with a straight-jacket, but with open arms.

From The San Francisco Chronicle:

On Sept. 17, 1859, the San Francisco Bulletin published a notice on an inside page announcing that Joshua Norton, formerly a prominent San Francisco businessman, had proclaimed himself Norton I, "Emperor of these United States." He had acted, he said, "at the peremptory request of a large majority of the citizens."

Yes, San Francisco and much of the surrounding Bay Area is like that. But the fact that the clown prince of hatemongers, Michael Savage, got dumped from his "flagship" station, KNEW 910FM (located in Oakland, CA) shows that the San Francisco Bay Area can stomach only so much of an uncouth mouth running off at one of its radio stations. Because the only thing the residents of the Golden Gate can't tolerate is...intolerance.

And so it is with Glenn Beck. To date, Beck's show has lost 50 advertisers. His "halo" has slipped. His ratings, however, are up.

Huh?

From Marketwatch.com:

For advertisers, "the halo of the show means you are connected with supporting that point of view," said John Greening, a Northwestern University professor of marketing who spent 28 years in the advertising business. "It is not about awareness but about association."

So corporations can't afford to be associated with Beck, but the "closeted" clowns of intolerance have increased. Just as the number of hate groups in this country have increased. Hmmm.

I know, I know, that's a loose correlation, but it's a correlation all the same. Beck is also being compared to the late Senator Joe McCarthy. The Media Matters video below makes a fine connection. The only difference between the two men is that McCarthy seemed, at times, to be somewhat intelligent. He played on people's fears as much as Beck, but he was careful to twist "facts" instead of twisting gullible viewers' brains.

Wikipedia:

[Isobel Field wrote that Norton]:... "was a gentle and kindly man, and fortunately found himself in the friendliest and most sentimental city in the world, the idea being 'let him be emperor if he wants to.' San Francisco played the game with him."

And San Francisco knew he had class. One proclamation:

Whoever after due and proper warning shall be heard to utter the abominable word "Frisco", which has no linguistic or other warrant, shall be deemed guilty of a High Misdemeanor, and shall pay into the Imperial Treasury as penalty the sum of twenty-five dollars.

Michael Savage has called the City "Frisco." I'll bet Glenn Beck has too.

From GlennBeck.com:

I mean, they don't support the ROTC, they go against everything that our country stands for. They are constantly trying to turn us into a socialist state. Why don't you just become your own country, San Francisco? I mean it.

It's just a matter of time. Beck, I think you should pay the twenty-five dollars up front and avoid the bureaucratic hassle.

Getting Serious About Stupidity: Another September Clown, Carrie Prejean and the FRC

I was all geared up to write this piece as yet another joke about the Christian Right, Republicans and the machinations of Tony Perkins and the Family Research Council. You know I'll do more than several in the next week or so. I think poking fun of present-day "social conservatives" is now in my blood.

But for the time being, let's get serious.

The salacious, humorous, and almost mean-spirited takes on America's Right Wing have been considered spot-on by many liberals (progressives, if you must) simply because they showcase hypocrisy. America loves to root for the little guy while exposing the self-righteous. A sex scandal involving a Democrat, for example, is never as heavily featured in pop media and culture as a Republican scandal because Republicans have allied themselves with the Christian Right. From right-wing pundits to talk radio to Congress, every pimple on the nose of neo-cons is spotlighted by the media.

And the true authors of hypocrisy, the Christian Right (whom we often refer to as Christofascists) don't seem to take notice. Or, if they do, they brush off incidents as "persecution," "anti-Christian," or "anti-family." Therein lies their stupidity: glossing over hypocrisy only highlights it. Brushing aside an exposed lie about the Health Care Bill, an exposed truth about financing California's Prop 8, an exposed act of blatant discrimination and racism is as good as condoning it.

The Christian Right will never monitor itself. Ever.

And pity the poor clowns who pose for them on their own runways.

FRC (Family Research Council) hosts the much ballyhooed Values Voter Summit (Sept. 18-20) It's the source of most of our featured Clowns of September. Today they trumpeted the confirmation of another speaker: Miss Carrie Prejean.

Yes, THE Miss Carrie Prejean of yes-I-had-breast-implants-and-posed-semi-naked fame. Yes, the same Miss Carrie Prejean who has a book coming out about her struggle for God's will and morality. Yes, Miss Carrie Prejean, the beauty queen who verbally bitch-slapped Perez Hilton (in a nice way). Yes, THAT Miss Carrie Prejean. She'll be featured with Stephen Baldwin. With Michele Bachmann. With Bill O'Reilly. With Mike Huckabee. And with a lot of other, well... clowns.

She and her publicist may think it a distinct honor, but let's face it, trotting her out and up to a podium is criminal. Making her look the fool (even if she is one) is absolutely wrong. And stupid. Has Tony Perkins bothered to find out if she can master the English language for over ten minutes? Only ten minutes, but in front of thousands of people, it's a lifetime ripe for jokes and stand-up comics.

She'll be the glamour prop of the people who have fashioned seminars like: "How to counter the homosexual extremist movement" and "How to deal with supremacist judges."

Of course, she could be very, very good at public speaking. But I doubt if anyone has ever given her the chance to prove herself in that arena. Public speaking is not always held in as high esteem as the swimsuit competition in a beauty pageant. Or a spread in Playboy. Oh, Carrie said "God" the required number of times for FRC (at least two times per sentence), and they are supposedly spotlighting her courage for her statement against same-sex marriage. But to the hypocrites who will give Bill O'Reilly a "courage in the media" award for calling someone a killer over 20 times on national television, does anyone really think that Miss Prejean's steadfast faith would be lauded if she were plain?

No, the Christian Right, the Family Research Council, the thousands of righteous Tea Baggers, Birthers, congressmen up for re-election, pharmaceutical lobbyists, Tenthers and otherwise will applaud Miss Prejean for the window dressing they think will distract people from their attendence at "The New Masculinity" seminar. And that is stupid.

Very, very stupid.

Another Clown of September: The OC's Michael Duvall Had A "Spanking" Good Time! ...Until he RESIGNED!

"She Wears Little Eyepatch Underwear..."

Don't You Just LOVE hot microphones? They bring out the best hypocrisy in politicians! Because the antics of "Family Values" politicians always fill us with delight, I'll try to continue the article The Clowns of September whenever I can, adding a new clown here and there or featuring a clown's latest inanity. Today's clown is Michael Duvall, California State Assemblyman for arch-conservative Orange County, California. As an Assemblyman, he's a "100% Family Values" man (as one FV source put it), but as a clown, he's hysterical:

"She wears little eye-patch underwear...So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And? so, we had made love Wednesday-a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs, and you're [CENSORED]"

And the ladies (yes, plural) he talked about aren't prostitutes but ... Ta Da! ... married lobbyists! Way to go, Assemblyman Duvall!

Update:

September Clown Sets Record for
Speediest Resignation EVER!

Oh, The Power Of The Hot Microphone! And the media. Within HOURS of the revelation of his oh-so-hot infidelities, Assemblyman Michael Duvall (R), resigned.
From: SFGate.com:

Assemblyman Mike Duvall, whose votes on family oriented legislation received high marks from conservative groups, said in a statement the furor over his comments had begun to divert attention from the work his fellow lawmakers were trying to finish during the final week of their session.

"I am deeply saddened that my inappropriate comments have become a major distraction for my colleagues in the Assembly, who are working hard on the very serious problems facing our state," he said. "Therefore, I have decided to resign my office, effective immediately, so that the Assembly can get back to work."

Question is: will Duvall "get back to work" on his playmates? Not any time soon, I'll venture. He'll be dogged by the press as long as people want more skanky details.

The Clowns Of September: Bachmann, Boykin, Schlafly, Beck....and MORE!!

But How Are We Going To Stuff Them Back Into
That Itty Bitty Car?
(And Push The Car Into That Great Big Ocean?)

O.K., I'll admit that I went a bit overboard for this piece, but consider the subject: all the conservative politicians, pundits, "journalists," lobbyists, birthers, tenthers, christofascists, are exposing themselves to other birthers, tenthers, pundits, etc. In other words, this September will go down in history as the funniest one in history. It will also be history's most outrageous, silliest, campiest, and yes, dumbest September. Remember, it started out with a thoughtful President's address to school children everywhere turning into an "indoctrination" moment.

And it's gaining lot of steam with people like Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh spewing out very skewed facts and outright fantasies in order to show America how wrong it was to elect Barack Obama. No topic will go uncovered. No bizarre event will be unnoticed. Health Care, abortion, gay marriage, the stimulous package will become wild beatss in the arena to tame. It certainly will be a three-ring circus when conservative clowns get together!

The following three-minute video is one I put together to get everyone into the Washington Circus mood. Hope you like it.

From: The Minnesota Independent:

"...she’ll [Bachamann] have plenty of competition for those headlines. Speaking at the “How to Take Back America” conference later this month, she’ll be sharing the stage with a pastor who says conference attendees will be trained to “turn out the infidels”; a radio host who doubts President Obama is a U.S. citizen; and a columnist who opposes statehood for Puerto Rico because he says it’s a “Caribbean dogpatch.”

At the incredibly inane Take Back America conference these topics will be "discussed":

How to counter the homosexual extremist movement
How to deal with global warming, cap and trade
How to stop the entry of illegal aliens and drugs
How to stop government attacks on parents’ rights
How to deal with supremacist judges
How to stop socialism in health care
How to defeat attacks on sovereignty by UN treaties
How to activate your church
How to deal with vote fraud, the Census, and ACORN
How to defend America vs. missile attack
How to lobby legislators
How to bring youth into the conservative movement
How to understand Islam
How to defend traditional marriage and DOMA
How to recognize living under Nazis & Communists
How to stop feminist and gay attacks on the military

Of course, there's the absolute Bastion of Baffoonery: The Values Voter Summit. (Sept 17-20) This always acts as a kind of Court of Fools with King Tony Perkins, Queen Phyllis Schlafly, Princes Gary Bauer and Lou Dobbs in attendence. If you look real hard, you can probably find some boxes of Obama's Waffles stashed away from last year. This year, the spotlight will be on the venerable Bill O'Reilly and the very, very old Phyllis Schlafly.

From FOX Business:

For being a voice of virtue in a culture of death, FRC Action will honor him with the first ever Media Courage Award. In the face of intense pressure, Bill O'Reilly has stood for truth during a tumultuous time in the pro-life debate. Despite a firestorm of unfair allegations, he has defended his position against late-term abortions and brought new light to a gruesome procedure. He has used a national platform to promote the dignity of life - no matter what the personal or professional risk.

And from the program:

FAITH, FAMILY & FREEDOM GALA DINNER HONORING PHYLLIS SCHLAFLY WITH THE JAMES C. DOBSON VISION & LEADERSHIP AWARD (black-tie optional) - Regency Ballroom

FRC's fear-mongering subjects include:

• SPEECHLESS - SILENCING THE CHRISTIANS
• THUGOCRACY - FIGHTING THE VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY
• DEFUNDING PLANNED PARENTHOOD
• ACTIVISM AND CONSERVATISM: FIT TO A TEA (PARTY)
• THE THREAT OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION
• OBAMACARE: RATIONING YOUR LIFE AWAY
• MARRIAGE: WHY IT'S WORTH DEFENDING AND HOW REDEFINING IT THREATENS RELIGIOUS LIBERTY
• THE NEW MASCULINITY
• WAIT NO MORE: FINDING FAMILIES FOR WAITING KIDS
• TURNING THE TIDE IN YOUR GENERATION

I can't wait to read the transcript for "The New Masculinity" as well as "Thugocracy" and "Speechless."

Seriously: let's hope that progressives around the country print all the transcripts of both "summits," inundate FactCheck.org, slather the web with translations and watch Killer Clowns From Out Space as a fearful warning.

Dear God, PLEASE Stop Talking To Michele Bachmann!

Unless You Want To Unseat GWB As
Our Dumbest President Ever!

If Michele Bachmann ever tries to run for President, the Republicans will do something she has advocated: slit their wrists.

Remember this? It's less than a week old:

“This [health care reform] cannot pass…What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass. We will do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn’t pass…Right now, we are looking at reaching down the throat and ripping the guts out of freedom. And we may never be able to restore it if we don’t man up and take this one on.”

From Think Progress:

In a recent interview with WorldNetDaily, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) said that she would be willing to run for president if God asked her to do it. “When I have sensed that the Lord is calling me to do something, I’ve said yes to it,” she said.

And she SHOULD be called: back into her mother's womb. There she'll be snug, safe and warm. She'll also be mute. No one will hear her idiotic comments and the country will breathe a collective sigh of relief that our image can't get any lower than the one George Bush dragged down.

Big Brass Blog:

Feb. 18: Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., took a new stand against President Barack Obama when she claimed the stimulus bill was just a payoff for those who supported him throughout the election.

Think of it: every person who voted for Bachmann in the last election is an abject idiot. We KNOW that over 187,000 people should not be allowed to vote because of diminished mental capacity. In fact, we would like to issue a warning: being exposed to Minnesota's Sixth District could lower the average American's I.Q. by at least 15 points. This is given with our deepest apologies for those who did not vote for her and who need to live in the area for some reason or other (although we can't think of any at the moment).

Yes, we also realize that America has made a religion out of entertainment (and an entertainment out of religion) and Bachmann entertains. The problem is she doesn't seem to know it.

Just a thought.

If Fetuses Could Vote, Who'd Win?

Obama or The Hypocrites?

Birth is a traumatic event. Hundreds of books are published each year teaching would-be mothers how to cope with the physical pain and emotional shock.

But what about the fetus? Just think about it: as a fetus, you're in a warm, secure place when some unknown force shoves you through a very tight space. You can't see yet, but you certainly have sensations: all of a sudden you feel cold and gooey, then you feel slightly dizzy when you're turned upside down and a big thing hits you on your butt. This makes you open up that orifice you always wondered about and out of nowhere you hear a loud but strange sound coming from that hole. Then someone clips that thing that must have fed you. You can't seem to stop that loud strange noise and you think it may never stop. Big things, like the one that slapped you, start to put something wet all over you, then brushes you with something else. And just when you feel helplessly exposed and noisy, the big things put something around you and puts you beside something very big that smells vaguely familiar.

A lot of your situation then seems to depend upon opening that orifice and making that really bad sound: food comes when you use it as well as any relief from pain or irritation. At first, you seem to control this strange place, but you quickly discover that what the other beings call "crying" doesn't necessarily bring you what you want or need. This new situation forces you to work for the things you want. It's not comfortable and you want your old space back.

But you can't crawl back into your mother's womb. You can't even scream "Put me back!"

If you'd only known.

And what if you'd known that you'd be labeled an "innocent" by some people, but a "sinner" by the very same people. And that...

• The people who wanted you to be born would balk at paying for your survival, proving that they were not "pro life," but only "pro birth."
  
• People would start a slow process of indoctrination on you while accusing others of doing the same.
• You'd be told you were totally free while having certain rights withheld from you.
• You'd learn that an all-perfect and loving God made you, but He could punish you, his own creation, on a whim.
  
• People would claim that "life is sacred," then elect politicians who order you to kill others in a war.

Yes, our world is filled with hypocrisy. So if you were a fetus and could vote whether or not to be born in it, which way would you vote? Today we have a President who wants to uphold the law of pro-choice while giving people the means to support as many children as they want. This stance is not hypocritical in the least.

Only the hypocrites tell us so.

The Dirtier The Pulpits, The Dirtier The Politics

The Religious Right, aka The Christian Right or Evangelical Right has been trying to change its image, by labeling itself "social conservatives." The problem with this sobriquet is that it suggests a kind of bland, almost innocuous ideology. But look around you. Look at your pastor in the pulpit (or on television). He's been anything but innocuous. He's beyond the old "fire and brimstone." He carelessly throws out threats to politicians and blatantly wishes them all ill will.

The buildup to today's firebrand political preacher has been long, but steady. Pat Robertson would proffer his smarmy smile at the thought that he had started it all, but he would be wrong. Father Charles Coughlin broadcast anti-Semitic and anti-Roosevelt rants for years long before Bing Crosby and Barry Fitzgerald buried his kind in a thick gooey syrup of wisdom and loving kindness (Going My Way, 1944).

From wikipedia:

Coughlinites saw Wall Street and Communism as twin faces of a secular Satan.

Sound familiar?

Fast forward:
Examiner.com:

After another incident of a fanatic bringing a gun to a town hall event, last week, an Arizona man named Chris Broughton brought an assault rifle and a handgun to an event where President Obama himself was in attendence. Broughton had the day before this event attended Faithful Word Baptist Church, where Pastor Steven Anderson delivered an hour-long sermon devoted to nothing but describing in extreme and vitriolic detail the depths to which he hates Barack Obama, appropriately titled "Why I Hate Barack Obama." Further, Anderson went out of his way to explain that he doesn't just hate Obama's values or politics, but everything about him and that, according to Anderson, so does god. Also in the sermon, Anderson repeatedly emphasized how he planned to pray for Obama's death, how Obama was going to burn in Hell, and how he wanted Obama to "melt like a snail."

Yes, this man is exceptionally ignorant even by Southern Baptist standards since he proudly states on the church's website:

Pastor Anderson holds no college degree but has well over 100 chapters of the Bible committed to memory, including almost half of the New Testament.

Whoopee. He's a half-savant. His problem, however (and ours, too) is that he sincerely believes his little flock to be even more ignorant than he is. (Of course, if they are actually supporting his church with donations, they are most definitely mentally challenged). His "doctrinal statement" is, in a sense, scary. His video on "dynamic preaching", however, is a hoot: much of the video's hour (!) consists of him stumbling over the words in the KJB to what seems to be an empty room (complete with echo).

The crassness of today's clergy has recently come to the fore with the passing of Senator Ted Kennedy, for like most funerals, the one for the late Senator brought out the best and the worst in some people:

USA Today:

Meanwhile, Kennedy critics are savaging the Kennedy and the Mass on Twitter. Ken Shepherd's posting, linked to Top Conservatives on Twitter (#TCOT):

Ted Kennedy saw the hungry, thirsty, naked, and imprisoned and raised taxes to have the govt take care of it.

Rev. Russell Moore, a Bapist from Louisville, Ky,. tweets:

What an impoverished, politicized vision of the kingdom of God is being presented at Sen. Kennedy's funeral.

And the pope?

As of yet, unlike some other world leaders, Pope Benedict has not commented or issued an official communiqué in response to Kennedy’s death.

Way to go, Benny! (But of course, he was at one time the Vatican's chief Inquisitor.)

Vitriol and invective from the likes of the Wiley Drake and his "imprecatory prayers" for the death of President Obama, to the haughty silence of the Vatican aimed at an iconic statesman.

These "Lambs of God" have turned into wolves.